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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28944951">The Fact of His Pulse</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/corvidkohai/pseuds/corvidkohai'>corvidkohai</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alpha Angeal Hewley, Alpha Sephiroth, Alpha Zack Fair, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Extremely Dubious Consent, Fantasy Genitals, M/M, Multi, Omega Cloud Strife, Omega Genesis Rhapsodos, Pack Dynamics, Sex Slavery</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:29:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>73,475</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28944951</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/corvidkohai/pseuds/corvidkohai</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Safeguards are people bought by Shinra for the purpose of supplying SOLDIERs with a safe sexual option. One Safeguard, an omega named Cloud Strife, is given to the Firsts as a “gift”—more like he was forced to join their pack, regardless of either side’s feelings on the matter.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Zack Fair/Angeal Hewley/Genesis Rhapsodos/Sephiroth/Cloud Strife</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>403</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>837</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title from the Richard Siken excerpt:<br/>“The fact of his pulse,<br/>the way he pulled his body in, out of shyness or shame or a desire<br/>not to disturb the air around him.”</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I want it in writing.”</p><p> </p><p>Cloud stared back at Rufus. He knew he didn’t have much of a leg to stand on, much room to negotiate. He was on thin ice just for his tone, but it was worth the risk. </p><p> </p><p>Rufus gave him his indulgent smile, and that was good. The indulgent smile meant he had decided to find Cloud’s attitude amusing today. It was condescending, but it was also better than when he chose to be offended by it. Cloud didn’t want to have this conversation after he’d been put in his place. It wouldn’t go as well. </p><p> </p><p>“In writing, then,” Rufus allowed, pulling a stack of papers, bound by a staple, from his jacket. He handed them to Cloud smugly, clearly having known this was coming. </p><p> </p><p>Cloud listened intently as Rufus read it aloud. It laid out what they agreed on. He didn’t like that he was predictable enough that the document was prepared in advance. </p><p> </p><p>Cloud was a Safeguard in Shinra’s ‘employ.’ More clearly, he had been sold to Shinra as a child by his starving mother, who had thought that, this way, at least he would be able to eat. He didn’t begrudge her that she would also be able to eat with the money he brought her. His ire was, instead, for Shinra. </p><p> </p><p>The company had taken one look at his pretty face and prettier omega body and decided to put him in the Safeguard department. The Safeguards guarded the public from the SOLDIERs in a crucial way. Unprotected sex with a SOLDIER led to, at best case, enhancement from the mako in their semen. At worst case, it led to a pregnancy bound to fail, possibly kill the mother, and guaranteed to produce offspring more literal monster than human. So SOLDIERs were forbidden from sleeping with anyone except members of the program, or in the Safeguard department. </p><p> </p><p>The were sex workers, in theory; only, they weren’t paid. They were provided for, in a way. They were housed (read: caged) and given food (exactly enough to keep them at the ‘ideal’ weight for their classification). Alphas were given plenty of hearty food, encouraged to exercise and build their bulk. Betas were allowed to essentially do what they wished. Omegas were kept dainty and waifish through a combination of careful, specified exercise and a limited diet. </p><p> </p><p>More than their controlled appearance was their controlled mobility. Every Safeguard, having been purchased, was given a thick of various metals to signify their place, locked in the back with a key that promptly disappeared. They were tattooed with a barcode on the inner right wrist to keep track of them better. But the biggest control over them was an implanted chip at the base of the skull, impossible to remove without surgery. It tracked their movement for Shinra’s records, and, should they go past their boundaries, released a paralytic. The Safeguard would be collected once unconscious, an alert being sent with the injected drug, and brought back for reconditioning. </p><p> </p><p>The range Safeguards were given varied. Some were only allowed on their floor of the Tower. Some were allowed the whole Tower. Some were allowed all of Midgar, so they could be taken on dates by those who were interested in such things. </p><p> </p><p>Cloud was allowed only on the floor. He had once been allowed the whole Tower, but when The News came to light, he had walked directly out the front door, consequences be damned. </p><p> </p><p>The News. </p><p> </p><p>There had been gossip about Cloud since he first got to the Tower, that he looked like a long lost Shinra bastard. He had ignored it all resolutely. He had decided, long, long ago that he had no interest in his father. He <em> did not </em> want to know. His father was a useless dead-beat, in his book. His mother never discussed the details, but one way or another, he had left his mother to raise him alone, without even sending gil. </p><p> </p><p>If his father was the head of Shinra, that was even worse. That meant he had the means to keep them in luxury the whole time and simply chose not to. If he was Cloud’s father, he clearly didn’t give a damn, so Cloud wouldn’t either. If the man <em> bought </em>his own son to force him to fuck his employees, well, that was even worse. </p><p> </p><p>It did, however, make Cloud both popular and a target. Everyone wanted to sleep with the possible son of their boss. Many times, they wanted to take their frustrations with said boss out in Cloud. It wasn’t like he had the standing to turn away the violent ones. That privilege was reserved for the best behaved, and something forever out of reach after Cloud had walked out the front door that day. </p><p> </p><p>It hadn’t done him any good. He was simply brought back, disciplined, and retrained until he broke, more compliant than he had been. </p><p> </p><p>But, of course <em> Shinra </em> was not willing to let things lie. No, if there was a possible bastard around, they had to know about it. He had been forced into a paternity test. </p><p> </p><p>And now he was looking down at a contract, asking him to sell even more of himself, just so he wouldn’t have to know the results. </p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t a terrible contract. In some ways, it was an honor. He wouldn’t be the company bicycle, ridden by everyone and beaten by most. He would belong to the Firsts, who were all in a pack together. It would cut down his customer rate and give him to prestigious clients. Most Safeguards would jump at the chance. </p><p> </p><p>But it wasn’t a standard contract. He was being <em> given </em> to them. Bond-bites and all. He would be tied to them permanently, biologically, in a way that couldn’t be undone. It was worse than the tracking chip. It took his last remaining hope for some normalcy—or at least, what passed for normalcy among Safeguards. </p><p> </p><p>But if he refused, they would tell him the results of the paternity test. And, yes, maybe it was negative, and Cloud could come out of it still unsure of who his father was, exactly as he liked it. But if it was <em> positive </em> , and Cloud had to live as a Safeguard, knowing his <em> father </em> was the one that kept him—no. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t risk it. </p><p> </p><p>He paid avid attention to the reading of contract mostly to be safe. To be sure. </p><p> </p><p>But he ended up signing at the bottom anyway: a drawing of a cloud in place of his name. </p><p> </p><p>——————</p><p> </p><p>They were at varying levels of acceptance. </p><p> </p><p>None of them <em> wanted </em> the omega, for so many reasons. Firstly, because their pack had an omega, and they didn’t need a second just because Genesis was on heat suppressants. Second, because of <em> who </em> it was. </p><p> </p><p>Cloud Strife was an infamous Safegaurd. The Firsts didn’t see Safeguards, content with each other, but even they had heard of him. The possible Shinra bastard, who had tried to escape. There were tales of various veracity that circulated about his punishment and reconditioning. All anyone knew for sure was that, one day, Cloud had calmly walked out the front door, barely even making it to the steps before he dropped. </p><p> </p><p>No one knew why. There were plenty of guesses, but what was certain was that, by the time he was seen again, he was different. </p><p> </p><p>Cloud had been a spitfire. He got in trouble routinely, and it was normal for appointments to be cancelled last minute. He disappeared to be disciplined frequently. He never struck back, he never denied anyone, but he had had a <em> mouth </em> on him, and it had gotten him in plenty of trouble. </p><p> </p><p>Whatever they had done, when Cloud tried to leave, had broken him properly. He was docile when he returned. Complacent. He smiled prettily, and acted like some sort of dream of an omega. He had grown in popularity after in an exponential way, people aching to fuck Shinra’s broken-in bastard (or so they hoped). </p><p> </p><p>And now he was being given to the Firsts. Was it punishment or reward for Cloud? Was it punishment or reward for the <em> Firsts </em>?</p><p> </p><p>It seemed likely punishment to both. </p><p> </p><p>Sephiroth was the most accepting of the lot. He understood, viscerally, what it was like when Shinra stripped your personhood, your control over yourself. He sympathized with Cloud. He understood that there was no refusing the arrangement, and that at the very least, maybe they could be kind to Cloud. Maybe they could treat him better than he had been before. </p><p> </p><p>Zack was the next closest to being okay with things. He, like Sephiroth, hoped that maybe they could at least be kinder owners to Cloud than Shinra had been. He, however, did not like the idea of a stranger being forced on them. Sephiroth knew the helplessness of being Shinra’s and caved to their wishes easily. Zack did not. Having a possibly unwilling outsider being forced into their pack, without their consent, grated. That they’d never even met stung even more. </p><p> </p><p>Angeal was sore about it for a few reasons. One was that Genesis was clearly furious about it, and Genesis had been his first love. When Genesis was that upset, Angeal tended to be by proxy. The second was that he wasn’t convinced that Cloud wasn’t an agent of Shinra, sent to watch them. He might be a relative, after all. His loyalties must be to the company. Having an outsider in their midst, in their <em> home </em> constantly, spying on them certainly did not make Angeal happy about the situation. </p><p> </p><p>But he couldn’t rival Genesis’s sheer bitterness about it. All his adult life, he’d been called a defective omega. Nevermind that the heat suppressants were mandated by the company. He was a SOLDIER, he was a Commander, and that was damning enough. These were alpha jobs, alpha roles, and it grated on many that he had them. But he had <em> fought </em> for them. He had won his rank, fair and square. </p><p> </p><p>That did not mean he was a lesser omega, just because he did not fit the stereotypes. He was convinced of this most days, but struggled with it on some. Some days, he couldn’t help but doubt, and let the vitriol others sent his way get under his skin. </p><p> </p><p>Cloud being sent to them reinforced it all. That he was not a good enough omega, to the point that one was being forced on them. Shinra told them that it was so someone could handle the alpha’s ruts without taking Genesis out of mission rotation. And, frankly, in theory, it would save Genesis a lot of exhaustion. The Firsts had nearly synched up from the constant contact. They had their ruts one after another, leaving Genesis occupied for almost two weeks. By the end of it he was sore as hell in all sorts of uncomfortable places. He wouldn’t necessarily miss that part. </p><p> </p><p>But he couldn’t help the <em> jealousy. </em> Someone else would be caring for his mates when it was <em> his </em> job to do so. Someone <em> else </em> was a ‘good enough’ omega to fill that role. Distantly, he knew that it was more that the company cared less about Cloud’s comfort, and that this was his ‘use’ to them. But he couldn’t help the way it rubbed him wrong. </p><p> </p><p>Which left the lot of them curled up together in their nest, trying to comfort each other, but mostly Genesis, as the day of Cloud’s arrival grew closer and closer. </p><p> </p><p>They might be at varying levels of acceptance, but <em> none </em> of them were excited. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Cloud was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> excited. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But it didn’t matter how he felt about it. He had agreed. Signed his name on the dotted line and had his barcode scanned for the digital copy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud had been given one of week. To settle his affairs, such as he had them, and prepare himself. He was not allowed to bring anything with him. None of his clothes, even ones specifically for work, even the ones he had gotten attached to and found comfort in. None of his work supplies, all the handcuffs and bondage gear and variety of toys. He certainly was not allowed the box of contraband he had hidden in a loose ceiling tile above the bed, with the handful of chocolates and pictures ripped from magazines he had been smuggled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Which left Cloud mostly sitting alone in his room, staring up at that loose tile, dreading what was to come. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to be bonded to strangers, but the contract had mandated it. He didn’t want to be kept in even closer quarters, but the range on his chip was being cut back to the Firsts’ communal living quarters. Not even able to visit the friends he had in his department. Completely cut off, isolated from everyone he knew and everyone who might give a damn about him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thrown in with people he knew nothing about. Sure, there were some general rumors. Zack was friendly, Genesis was dramatic, Angeal was stern but kind, Sephiroth was stoic. But no one he knew had ever even met them. He was walking into the lion’s den, to what, not know who his father was?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But it would break the last of him to know. If his </span>
  <em>
    <span>father </span>
  </em>
  <span>had done this to him, if it had been </span>
  <em>
    <span>family</span>
  </em>
  <span> in charge of the reconditioning that finally broke him, that kept him broken—he wouldn’t know what to do. Give up, lie down, and die, maybe. It would be one injustice too many. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>To keep himself alive, and sane, and holding on by that last thread, he had to do this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was what he reminded himself the morning he was being sent to his new owners, as he molded himself into the Shinra standard of a perfect omega. He brushed his waist-length hair and curled it into delicate ringlets. He applied his makeup to soften his features and widen his eyes. He wrapped himself in the soft lilac dress with the scooping neckline, wide sleeves that gathered at the wrists, floor length accordion skirt. He wore a white belt to accent the way the dress cinched at the waist. He wore white, chunky heels to match the belt. The nails on his fingers and toes were painted gold to match the collar locked around his neck, the metal chosen to match his hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t his favorite outfit. That was the black jumper, that was as close as his wardrobe got to the shorts and tee-shirts of his childhood. But this was what Shinra would want him to present himself in, so it was what he wore. He hoped he would be given something like the jumper again at some point. Maybe he’d be given his old wardrobe back if he behaved. If they didn’t redistribute everything immediately, anyway. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud sighed when there was a knock on the door. He went to it, finding a helmeted SOLDIER there. He only knew by scent that it was Kunsel—one of the few tolerable ones. He was kind enough, making him a rarity among Cloud’s clients. He did his business and left without much fanfare, but at least he healed Cloud if he left bruises, and spoke to him some before and after. He was glad it was Kunsel taking him. At least he had someone familiar for the transition. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Kunsel said, waving one hand. “Ready to go?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud smiled, calm and placid and not at all like himself. He stepped out of the door and shut it behind him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ready,” he said, tone soft and pleasant. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wanted to shout, to rage, to snap that </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he wasn’t, and never would be. But he was used to tempering that urge. It only came out now around Rufus, who found his perfect mask distasteful. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He trailed after Kunsel, his hands clasped delicately in front of him. He couldn’t help the way his heart raced as he stepped on the elevator. He hadn’t been allowed off the floor since his reconditioning. There was a brief moment of panic, where he was sure that this was a trap, an excuse to trick him off the floor. He would trigger the paralytic, and be reconditioned again. He didn’t think he could do that again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But the elevator soared, and nothing happened. If Kunsel heard his racing heart and quick breaths (which he certainly did), he said nothing about it. They stood in silence as the elevator rose and rose until it finally came to a halt, Kunsel stepping out and leading them to one of two doors. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The floor was split in two by a long white hallway. There were two doors in the center, directly across from each other. They looked identical. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The left is the First’s den. The right is Sephiroth’s own space. You’ll be in the pack area. If Sephiroth wants to bring you to his, tell him your chip will need to be reconfigured. You’ll drop if you leave that door after today, okay? Be careful.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kunsel was one of the ones that knew him before and after reconditioning. He was one of the very few that had apologized to him on Shinra’s behalf when he saw the difference. His warning meant something to Cloud—that he had bothered to give it at all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kunsel came to stand in front of the door, leaving Cloud to linger on one side. He raised his hand and knocked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Coming!” someone called from inside. Enhanced as they both were, though for very different reasons and using very different methods, they both heard the word easily. Cloud fought the urge to fidget and did not glance at Kunsel, despite feeling his eyes on him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The door opened to reveal Zack Fair, grinning wide and laughing as Kunsel saluted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cut that shit out, man, you know you don’t have to salute me,” Zack said to Kunsel, who dropped the salute, the corner of his mouth twitching up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Unlike you, I have appearances to maintain,” Kunsel said. “And a job to do.” With that, he stepped to one side and gestured to Cloud, who lowered his eyes and dipped his head demurely. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This the omega, then?” Zack said, his tone suddenly much less full of joy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where’s his stuff?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Didn't send him with anything. He’s yours now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack sighed and said, “Well, the hell is he supposed to wear? The same dress every day?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you let him wear clothes, I guess.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kuns,” Zack said, tone scolding. Cloud saw Kunsel shrug from the corner of his eye, his own still lowered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just saying. He’s yours now. To do with what you want.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He gets to have clothes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Want me to send up his old ones?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure, it’s better than nothing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s heart swelled, thinking of his jumper, but he promptly crushed it. This was the smallest mercy—he didn’t have to be so grateful. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack sighed and stepped aside, holding the door open. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come in, then. Let’s get you settled.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud didn’t want to. Once he went in, he’d never come out. Was he sure this was what he wanted? Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to know the result—maybe it was negative. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You coming?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s feet were moving before his brain caught up to him. Never make someone repeat an order twice, it was an important rule. He was supposed to be better than this. He couldn’t start off on the wrong foot. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud entered the doorway, his stomach plummeting between his feet and settling in deep dread. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cloud?” Kunsel asked, so Cloud stopped and turned back to look at him. “Remember what I said.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed, but nodded. It meant something to him, that Kunsel cared enough to try and make sure he was safe enough. That he would avoid another round of reconditioning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kunsel nodded, and then flicked a wildly improper salute at Zack before turning and leaving without dismissal.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“See ya!” Zack called. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Holding you to that!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With that, the door closed, and Cloud had to fight his almost dizzying dread. He was trapped. He had half a floor at best to roam. He had nowhere to hide, and was stuck with people he did not know, who may or may not want him. Zack hadn’t seemed particularly interesting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your name’s Cloud?” he asked, after a long pause. Cloud kept his eyes trained low. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to be so deferent. You can look me in the eye.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud finally looked up, careful to keep his expression pleasant and neutral. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack blew out a slow breath, puffing out his cheeks as he ruffled his hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Zack started. “So before you meet everyone else, I gotta warn you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud didn’t answer, just blinking placidly in the face of what may well be his doom. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack frowned and said, “This… wasn’t our idea. None of us are really </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy</span>
  </em>
  <span> about it, y’know? Like, I’m sure you’re not either?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked evenly at him again, smiling softly as he said, “It’s my pleasure to serve you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack scowled outright. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then why is your heart racing like you’re terrified?” When Cloud paled outright, he said, “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Can you at least be honest with me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud hesitated, looking outright unsure. It was more of an expression than he usually allowed himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… am not sure that you would really want that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure that I would. So let’s try again: did you want this?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed, and in a small, small voice, he admitted, “No.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack nodded and said, “That’s what I thought. And we get that. You don’t want it. We don’t want it. But some of us want it less than others, yeah? Genesis, y’see, he’s really not happy about it. Pretty pissed, actually.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud nodded slowly. He could understand why; Genesis was an omega. It was an insult, that Cloud was being forced on them when they already had an omega. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack nodded back and said, “So he’s probably gonna be an asshole to you. Angeal won’t be outright, but he’s unlikely to be nice. Sephiroth will be as nice as he gets, which isn’t very. I’ll do my best to balance it out, but I’ve got limits. Just try to be patient, okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud fought the urge to look at him oddly. Be patient? He didn’t have a choice. What was he supposed to do, throw a fit? Snap back? He remembered discipline and correction, the light version of reconditioning that he had earned before. He wasn’t sure he wouldn’t go right back to reconditioning if he set a toe out of line. He couldn’t risk it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was the strangest thing. Zack was treating him like a </span>
  <em>
    <span>person</span>
  </em>
  <span>. People just didn’t do that with Safeguards. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead of explaining that, he said, “Of course.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack looked unconvinced, but said, “Right. C’mon, then, I’ll show you around.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack led him through the den, pointing out different rooms. Kitchen. Bathrooms. Living room. Offices. Bedrooms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This one will be yours,” Zack said, showing him into a bland, all-white bedroom. “I’ll bring your stuff here once it’s sent up. Maybe… maybe just stay in here? Unless someone comes to get you? I don’t want Genesis to lose it on you, because he found you and wasn’t ready for it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed. More restrictions. It felt like when the collar had been settled around his neck the first time. It felt like a tattoo needle in his wrist. It felt like one more freedom stripped away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Confined to a single room for who knew how long. Nothing to do, and no company. He was going to go mad. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So he quietly said, “Of course.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was nothing else to be done about it, after all. His barcode had been scanned about it. His chip reprogrammed. He couldn’t get out now, and if he failed badly enough that the Firsts managed to get rid of him… he didn’t want to think about it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack let out a sigh of relief and said, “Thanks for being understanding. I’m sure it won’t be for forever.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud doubted that. Freedoms were taken from him, never returned. That wasn’t how things worked. He knew better than to be hopeful. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack set a hand on his shoulder and said, “I’ll try and send the others in.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was clear enough. Cloud nodded and went to sit on the edge of the bed, crossing his legs. Zack smiled and ducked out of the room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leaving Cloud alone with his thoughts, in an empty white room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed in the silence. He pulled in a slow breath, held it, and blew it out slower. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This room felt like a death sentence. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Cloud felt his ears start to ring in the silence before he finally, finally heard footsteps. He blew out a slow breath and climbed to his feet, hands clasped before him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth was easily recognizable when he entered. His face was as blank and even as Cloud’s. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello,” Cloud said, demure and quiet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello,” Sephiroth returned. “I was told your name is Cloud?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was also told you do not want to be here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s stomach dropped. His face paled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Don’t misunderstand. I don’t blame you for that. I know very well how hard it is to refuse Shinra. Did they give you an ultimatum, or an order?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed, unsure what to do with the admission. How was Sephiroth’s position at all comparable? Maybe because he’d been raised at the company?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“An ultimatum.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah. That’s worse, in many ways. What was the consequence for refusal?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I—I’m sure you’ve heard the rumors. About my… possible parentage.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A paternity test was run. They threatened to tell me the results.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth blinked. He tilted his head in consideration. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I understand.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Do you?</span>
  </em>
  <span> almost fell out of Cloud’s mouth, but he held it back by force, simply nodding. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If I could return the knowledge of my father’s identity, I would,” Sephiroth surprised Cloud by saying. “I know very well what it is like, to find out your captor and tormentor fathered you. I would not wish that knowledge upon you, if it is the case.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked confused. Captor and tormentor? Who could it be? </span>
  <em>
    <span>How</span>
  </em>
  <span>? It made no sense with what he knew of Sephiroth. Unless he’d been less willing to become a SOLDIER than Cloud thought?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why are you telling me this?” Cloud whispered, watching as Sephiroth went to sit on the edge of the bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because we will be bonded by the end of the day,” Sephiroth said, gesturing next to him. Cloud went to sit. “You’re aware that the contract requires bonding in the first 24 hours.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am. That doesn’t explain why you would be… vulnerable with me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I see no point in keeping distance from someone I am bound to in such a way. I understand your position better than most. I know you will not betray us, because there is nothing left that Shinra can offer you. This is as close as you will ever come to freedom, and even this is nothing but more shackles.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud felt his brow furrow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you feel comfortable sharing secrets?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes. After all, I know you cannot leave here. You have no belongings. There is no way to report to anyone, even if you want to. And I do not believe you want to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You trust easily.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do not. I simply understand.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud wanted to ask, he wanted to press, he wanted to know how the hell Sephiroth could make these statements when he could come and go and do as he pleased. But he didn’t want to pry. He couldn’t. Not in case it pressed the wrong buttons. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“With time,” Sephiroth continued, “we will show you that we are kinder than Shinra. Just… forgive Genesis the growing pains that will happen. In the meantime,” Sephiroth said, standing, “I will bring you something to occupy you. Being trapped in a room is a hard sentence, but hopefully we can make it bearable. Do you have a preference in books?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed, feeling the heat rise on his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t read.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I doubt you were allowed such materials in your station, but you are allowed them here. What sort would you like?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I… I can’t read.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth blinked at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You never learned?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… it’s a long story. No, I didn’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Audiobooks, then. What kind would you like?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know?” Cloud said. “I don’t know anything about books.” He forcibly kept the frustration out of his tone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A few options, then. I doubt you’re allowed a PHS, but we will provide you with a tablet. I will load audiobooks onto it, and teach you to use it. There are icons, so you won’t need to read to use it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked. The frustration blinked out of existence, just like that, replaced with the feeling of his heart swelling. Why was Sephiroth going to such lengths for him? Why was he </span>
  <em>
    <span>allowing</span>
  </em>
  <span> him so much? The strange sense of camaraderie that Sephiroth apparently felt?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That would be very kind of you,” Cloud said, his tone even, but his eyes asking why he bothered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth’s expression softened, for just a moment. Then he nodded and stepped from the room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leaving Cloud in silence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud stared ahead of him at the blank wall, trying to sort through how he felt. Because the prospect Sephiroth presented, that they were at all alike, was ludicrous. Sephiroth travelled the world. He was trusted with weaponry, and had a PHS, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>ran SOLDIER</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But… maybe things hadn’t always been that way? Had he been restricted before, like Cloud, allowed next to nothing, and the scant amount he had only what Shinra wanted for him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before he could make heads or tails of it, Angeal was entering. Cloud popped to his feet again. He caught one look of the hard expression on his face and lowered his eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That kind of look promised a beating, after all. Cloud was somehow already on such thin ice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a long pause, wherein Cloud barely dared to breathe, before Angeal sighed. Cloud didn’t dare look up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is this how you always are?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can be different, if you’d like.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So no. Why is </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> what you chose to present?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because this was what he had been taught. This was what people wanted. They wanted a pretty, perfect omega, and one that was just as perfectly in line. This was how Cloud kept himself </span>
  <em>
    <span>safe</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought it might be to your liking,” was what Cloud went with instead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I guess it doesn’t much matter,” Angeal sighed. “It’s what you were taught, probably. I doubt you can even think for yourself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud fought the urge to bristle. He could think </span>
  <em>
    <span>damn</span>
  </em>
  <span> fine. It wasn’t a question of </span>
  <em>
    <span>thinking</span>
  </em>
  <span>, it was a question of what was </span>
  <em>
    <span>safe. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He would </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> go through reconditioning again. He did not have to learn hard lessons twice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So Cloud opted to stay silent. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Until Angeal rubbed at the bridge of his nose in frustration. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I knew it,” he grumbled. “They sent you here to play perfect omega, get under our skins. How did they want you to report back to them?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was what Sephiroth had been referencing, then. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t sent here to report to anyone about you all. I have no PHS. I am not allowed outside your den. I have no means, even if I wanted to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud could tell from Angeal’s posture that he was measuring him, but still didn’t dare raise his eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re ‘not allowed’ out. How is that enforced?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My chip will trigger, delivering a paralytic. I will be unable to move.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And then what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed and said, “Then you bring me back inside, or hand me over for reconditioning.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is involved in ‘reconditioning?’ You've had it before, right? You tried to run.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud felt his mouth go dry. His heart began to pound in his throat. He clasped his hands together so they wouldn’t shake. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We aren’t supposed to discuss it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was another measuring pause, before Angeal said, “But it’s unpleasant.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Understatement of the century. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Painful?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Traumatic?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud ducked his head, hiding behind his curls. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t answer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was answer enough. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So they sent us a traumatized omega to play at being perfect under threat of being traumatized again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not quite true. The threat of reconditioning always lingered. It wasn’t the specific ultimatum he’d been given. He didn’t care to specify. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He remained silent. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sit,” Angeal finally commanded, and Cloud hurried to obey. Angeal came to stand before him, hands on his hips. “I don’t like this. You probably don’t either, I get that. So I’m going to make this as small a problem for us both as possible and avoid you. Zack said you’re going to stay in your room?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Cloud said, his voice small. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then I’m going to get this over with. Once I bond you, there’s no reason we have to see each other again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed. He’d already fucked up somehow. One of his owners was </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> mad at him? He’d barely said anything, how could he have said something </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrong!</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But still, Cloud nodded. Better to give in, always. Give him what he wanted, even if what he wanted was to avoid Cloud. Even if the number of people who would tolerate Cloud just sharply dropped to </span>
  <em>
    <span>two</span>
  </em>
  <span>, it seemed. Two busy men, who wouldn’t have time for him. He was going to be left alone, in a plain white room, in the silence, for who knew how long at a time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But before he could get properly neck-deep in panic, Angeal was stepping forward. Cloud’s legs parted for him automatically, letting him stand between them. Angeal curved his hand around Cloud’s jaw and tilted his head back, exposing his scent gland. He brushed Cloud’s curls over his shoulder and out of the way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Calm down,” Angeal muttered, his breath fanning across Cloud’s throat. “If your heart is racing this way, you’ll bleed more.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal paused a moment to let Cloud try and settle his heart rate, and when that was clearly not working, sighed. He set his fangs to Cloud’s scent gland, resting them there for a moment as a warning. Cloud pinched his eyes shut, and Angeal bit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t expecting how </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span> it felt, the pleasure that zinged through him, the way he couldn’t help but moan. His hands made fists in his skirt as he fought to compose himself, to remember that this was violation of the highest order, that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>did not want this</span>
  </em>
  <span>, despite having consented. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then Angeal was pulling his fangs free. He lapped once, twice at the pouring blood before pulling away, shivering. He was out the door before Cloud had the good sense to press his hand over the still </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> sensitive gland to slow the bleeding. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stood and stumbled to the en suite bathroom, as damnably white as the rest of the room. He wadded up toilet paper to press to the wound, barely able to catch the blood before it stained his dress. He sighed, pressing his forehead to the palm of his free hand, his elbow resting on the counter as he bent at the waist. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What the fuck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was tired. He was exasperated, and frustrated, and fucking done with today. But now he was slowly becoming aware of Angeal and exactly how far away he was. He couldn’t feel his emotions, the way he had heard bonds let a person. Maybe it had to go both ways for that, but that wasn’t mandated by the contract. One-way only, unless the others decided they wanted his bite. It seemed highly unlikely, at this point. He wondered if Angeal could feel what he felt, if </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> only went one way too. Surely not. He would have said something, right? Or would he? Cloud didn’t know—he didn’t know the man at all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He slumped against the counter, feeling defeated. Bitterly, he hoped Angeal </span>
  <em>
    <span>could</span>
  </em>
  <span> feel it. The way he felt sick to his stomach and exhausted, the simmering anger, his bitterness. It didn’t have to be that bad. It didn’t have to be one angry, stilted conversation followed by a bite. It could have been better. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And now Cloud had to live the rest of his life with that as his first bonding experience. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud sighed and took the tissue from his throat. He had stopped bleeding, finally. He threw the tissue in the trash and went to go sit back on the bed and wait for whatever other nonsense happened. Because he was sure, now, that he was in for more bullshit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t even make it to the bed before the door opened. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud paused, wide-eyed, as Genesis stalked into the room. He may have been an omega, but he moved with all the predatory grace of an alpha. Cloud found himself stumbling backward as Genesis came forward until his back hit the wall. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis grabbed him by the throat then, angling his head up and away, and before Cloud could understand why, his teeth were buried in Cloud’s scent gland, overlapping Angeal’s fresh bite. Cloud whimpered, knees buckling. He was only held upright by Genesis’s grip. He didn’t even let him get his feet beneath him again before pulling away and disappearing through the door again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud stared at the door, uncaring for the blood running down his neck, uncaring for the way he could now feel Genesis moving away, to where Angeal was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud wanted to scream so fucking badly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wanted to sob, and wail, and shout obscenities. It wasn’t fair! How could he </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> that? He didn’t know Cloud, he didn’t know if he deserved that or not! How could someone bond someone without saying a </span>
  <em>
    <span>word </span>
  </em>
  <span>to them?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For the first time in years, Cloud felt well and truly violated. Angeal had been bad, but Genesis had been so much worse. In and out like a whirlwind, carrying part of Cloud with him as he went. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was what reminded Cloud that he had long since stopped at expecting things to be fair. Deep-seeded violation was a part of Cloud’s being now. It was, in many ways, part of who he was. He was a thing to be violated, to so many people. That was just his lot in life. It was familiar. It was normal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was what had Cloud sinking into the hopelessness. That this was so, so normal. He may never have been bonded before, but he should have expected it to go like this. This was how everything in his life went, after all. One injustice, one violation after another. Cloud had never known life to be fair. It was foolish that the idea even crossed his mind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud leaned back against the wall, pressing his blood-stained hand over his throat. He didn’t care if his dress stained anymore. It wasn’t worth it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He clearly wasn’t worth it, to these people, after all. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Genesis and Angeal were laying in the nest, curled around one another. Neither spoke. Neither needed to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After all, they were focused on the same thing. What they could feel through their new bond, throbbing, like a pulse through a bruise. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The new omega was miserable. Hopeless and strangely comfortable in the hopelessness. They had only ever felt such serenity in hopelessness from Sephiroth, and any time it reared its head, they tore through anything in their path to get to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They didn’t do that for Cloud. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal knew, in his gut, that this was a kindness, however hard. That he wouldn’t be able to treat Cloud how he deserved, not while he was causing Genesis such distress, causing so much strife in their pack. ‘If you have nothing kind to say,’ his mother had told him, ‘say nothing at all.’ And that’s what he was doing. Saying nothing. It would be better in the long run. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because Genesis was quite certain he would never move on from this. The second he heard Zack talk about Cloud, he hated him. Timid and demure, perfectly obedient—a perfect omega. Everything Genesis wasn’t. He didn’t think people even </span>
  <em>
    <span>came</span>
  </em>
  <span> that way, but apparently they did.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had a brief moment where he reconsidered, when he felt Cloud’s outrage through their bond. But it had faded so fast, fizzled into hopelessness. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>gave up</span>
  </em>
  <span> much too fast. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was pathetic. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was pathetic, but mostly in the pitiable way. Comfort in hopelessness was not something easily taught. Sephiroth, certainly, had learned it the hard way. Genesis hadn’t thought anything short of the labs would </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> that to a person. But there was no doubt about what the other omega was feeling, not when he and Angeal were steeping in the feeling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Which left Genesis steeping in pity he didn’t want. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> the anger for this interloper, but in the face of that serene hopelessness, even his anger could only last so long. But pity was still acceptable. It kept a firm distance between him and Cloud. If he could look down on him, after all, he must be above him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But still, Angeal could feel through his bond with Genesis, how he both pitied and hated pitying Cloud. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He softly said, “It’s for the best. We’d only make him more miserable if we were in there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a long moment, Genesis pressed his face to Angeal’s chest and said, “I know. I’m not sure I want to make things </span>
  <em>
    <span>better</span>
  </em>
  <span> for him. Just perhaps not worse.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Considering the mood you’ve been in the last week, I’d say that’s not bad.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not bad? That’s damn near gracious, if you ask me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal snorted, running his hand through Genesis’s hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s true enough.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re already doing plenty, besides. He isn’t forced into strangers’ beds anymore. He isn’t being beaten. Whatever happened after he ran isn’t happening again. Staying in a room isn’t so bad, after that. Nearly cushy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not ideal,” Angeal clarified, “but it’s the best we can do. Zack and Sephiroth seemed like they’d be able to give him company sometimes. Like you said, the arrangement is still an improvement.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Still, that bite was… sour. Bond bites should be euphoric. I’ve never given one and had it not been appreciated.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t want to give it, Gen. It’s not surprising he didn’t want to receive it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He has the better end of the deal,” Genesis grumbled. “I’m the one who has to feel what he feels. I won’t even pull on it to make him listen to me—probably—and that’s the only benefit to giving a one-sided bite.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Does he even know that? He doesn’t know how to </span>
  <em>
    <span>read</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you think he understands the intricacies of bonding? When </span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>was his first?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis paused and said, “Well, maybe not. I’ll have to lord it over him, what I can choose to do but magnanimously choose not to. If I see him again at all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal sighed, saying, “What have I told you, Gen, about not saying things if you have nothing nice to say?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Gillian isn't here, Angeal, I don’t have to follow her advice.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s good advice.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Debatable.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, then if you kick him into another spiral like this, don’t come crying to me. </span>
  <em>
    <span>That</span>
  </em>
  <span> will be on you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis burrowed into the blankets and closer to Angeal, sticking one hand out to flip him off. Angeal chuckled tiredly, but bundled him closer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The lapsed into silence, with nothing to focus on but Cloud and his calm, comfortable hopelessness. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>———————</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud didn’t know how long he stayed there, sitting on the floor of his new bedroom. Blood was soaked into the front of his dress, slowly starting to dry and become crusty. The wound had long since healed, so he had dropped his hand. He let his head fall back against the wall and simply breathed, reveling in the way he seemed to have found as bad as things could get for the moment. He wasn’t expecting things to get better. Just to not get any worse tonight. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But then his door opened, revealing Zack, and Cloud remembered he had two bond bites to go. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack froze in the doorway, as Cloud climbed to his feet. He was struggling to get his mask back up. It was hard to remember why that mattered. He dusted off his dress when he was finally standing, but couldn’t make himself look pleasant anymore. He settled for blank. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You look like shit,” Zack muttered, before wincing. “Sorry, that came out wrong. I just mean… you don’t look like you did before.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t feel like I did before,” Cloud said plainly. A distant part of him, the part that was trained survival instinct, screamed at him. That wasn’t a smart comment to make. He needed to start watching his tongue before it ran away from him again. He didn’t want to be sent for reconditioning, he had to remember that. No matter how bad things seemed now, they could be worse. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Zack said lamely. He opened the door all the way, showing himself laden with bags. “Maybe it will help that I brought your stuff?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Strangely enough, it did. Maybe his romper was in there. Maybe he could sleep comfortably tonight, in clothes that felt safe. His face softened. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you. For bringing them. I know you didn’t have to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You need clothes, after all, and I figured maybe ones you know might make this a little smoother.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They will. I sincerely appreciate it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack flashed him a smile, coming in and setting down an armful of bags, before grabbing more from the hallway. Then he shut the door behind him, and didn’t seem to know what to do with himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I, uh. I guess Angeal stopped by?” he said, gesturing to Cloud’s throat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud had to fight the urge to cover the marks, ashamed of them as he was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Angeal and Genesis.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack winced at that. Ruffled his hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry about him. I know that couldn’t have been pretty. Just give him some time to warm up, alright? I’m sure it won’t take too long. Between you and me, it might be a good thing the bonding had to happen so soon, if it has to happen at all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud fought the way his brow wanted to furrow. He kept his expression carefully blank. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why is that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack paused, then sighed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Listen, we both know this will be a rough start. You’re not going to be happy here at first, and I am sorry about that. But when he feels how unhappy you are, well, he’ll soften. I know him. Once he gets a good long look at the consequences of his actions, he’ll come around.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked. He stared. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He can… feel what I feel?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uhm, yeah? That’s how bonds work.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Even one-sided ones?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Those too. Just means the feeling-sensing-whatever only goes the one way. He feels you, but you can’t feel him the same way.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed. Suddenly, he felt so exposed. He had hoped, earlier, that Angeal could feel his bitterness. He wanted to take that back now. He didn’t want them to know how he felt. If he couldn’t hide behind his mask in any real way, he was bound for trouble. Once they all bonded him, they would feel every little spike of anger. He wouldn’t be able to lie. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They would hold it against him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was guaranteed to be reconditioned. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t realize his breathing had picked up until Zack was looking at him in concern. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, it’s not a bad thing, okay? It’ll work in your favor. Genesis will let up sooner, which means Angeal will let up, which means we can let you out and about the apartment. It’ll help.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It might, but Cloud felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>naked</span>
  </em>
  <span> in a way that had nothing to do with clothing. It was the violation from earlier, echoed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, Cloud nodded. Zack shifted on his feet, clearly wanting to help this distressed omega. It was instinct. It was why Cloud had to be such a good actor. He wasn’t supposed to trigger it. If Shinra saw him doing so, he would be in for hell. He just hoped this never made it back to anyone else.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How about we sit, yeah?” Zack said, nodding toward the bed. It was a gently given order, even phrased like a question, but Cloud knew it for what it was. He went and sat on the bed, Zack coming to sit at his side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I…” Zack started hesitantly, “I want to apologize. About all this. I’m trying to do my best by everyone here, but this is really the best I can think of. I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>sure</span>
  </em>
  <span> things will get better with a bit of time. I really hope you can be patient with us until then. Seph said he was going to bring you some books?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Cloud said, finally starting to recover a bit, to get his head back where it needed to be for this conversation. He took a deep breath and forced a soft smile onto his face. “You don’t have to keep apologizing. You’ve made it clear that this was not your choice. I understand that brings some distress.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh no, not having a choice in something, what a hardship</span>
  </em>
  <span>, the sarcastic part of Cloud wanted to add, but he kept that firmly behind his lips. He tried to force back the bitterness, that these men could throw temper tantrums over one missing choice and </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> had to live with the consequences. But that was his lot in life, to bear the consequences for other people’s actions. That was familiar and normal. He just had to remember that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack looked relieved when he said, “Thanks for being understanding. I know you don’t have to be, but, well, it helps that you are.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If only Zack knew that was a front. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he would soon enough, Cloud realized with a start. That was why he was here, to bond Cloud. He didn’t really want to apologize, he was just trying to make this smoother than Angeal and Genesis had. He appreciated the thought and effort, but clearly it was unnecessary. After the others, he didn’t expect it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud took a deep breath and carefully said, “I appreciate you making an effort, but I understand you must have somewhere else you’d rather be. If you want to bond me and leave, that will be fine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wouldn’t. Cloud was tired of being alone. He wasn’t used to being left alone for such long stretches. He didn’t want Zack, who seemed to at least be trying to be kind, to leave. But he knew that was what Zack would want. He had mates to attend to, and a job to do if not. Cloud was not someone he chose, that had been made plenty clear. He was someone he was saddled with. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack ruffled his hair, his lips pressing together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not trying to rush out of here,” he said. “I just… I doubt Genesis and Angeal really did this right. But I don’t—I don’t know </span>
  <em>
    <span>how</span>
  </em>
  <span> to do this right with a stranger. There’s supposed to be romance, and this really good tension, but I just met you today.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was sweet, that Zack was trying to do right by him. But Cloud also knew his place. He was not someone to be worried about, especially not by someone like Zack. He smiled kindly and set his hand on Zack’s knee.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about it so much, alright? Just do what you have to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack looked unconvinced, tousling his hair again. Finally, he sighed and stood, leaving one knee on the bed by Cloud to lean over him better. Cloud, knowing how this went now, obligingly tilted his head out of the way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ready?” Zack asked in a whisper.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He waited until Cloud nodded to sink his fangs in. Cloud was so sensitive, his skin already so raw from the last bites. People were not meant to be bonded so many times so fast, but Shinra didn’t give a damn about how Cloud took it, and he knew that. Cloud shivered roughly, whining low in his throat, his hands making fists in the bedspread. By the time Zack pulled away, Cloud was panting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Zack didn’t pull away fully, taking the time to lick the wound, encouraging it to close. He kept lapping at it, over and over, cleaning the blood away and healing it with every pass, but Cloud was so </span>
  <em>
    <span>sensitive</span>
  </em>
  <span> just then. His eyes were pinched shut, trying not to give away how much it affected him. He didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be affected, after all. This still felt like a violation, just one he was coming to expect, now. That it came with so much pleasure felt wrong.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He could tell the exact moment his feelings bled over to Zack, because he felt him go stiff. He pulled away sharply, looking down at Cloud from his full height with a twisted expression. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t mean—I wasn’t trying to—I just wanted to help,” Zack muttered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked to the side, feeling shame settle low in his gut. He hadn’t meant to make Zack feel guilty—he understood that Zack was trying to help. It was Cloud’s problem if he didn’t like the pleasure that came with it. It was nothing for someone like Zack to worry himself with. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So Cloud took a deep breath and looked back up at Zack, forcing that calm, pleasant smile back on his face. Zack deserved his act; he was at least </span>
  <em>
    <span>trying</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be kind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know. It’s alright. Don’t worry so much.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A low, distressed whine came from Zack as he said, “It’s not alright. Is this—is this what you’ve been feeling like, behind every smile?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed, feeling a low thrill of fear zip through him, that he immediately tried to bury. Was Zack going to be upset by that? He clearly was upset. Was he upset enough to send him for reconditioning? Because he didn’t know that he could be conditioned </span>
  <em>
    <span>out</span>
  </em>
  <span> of having feelings. He could be conditioned into hiding them, of course, they had already done that. The thought of being broken down so much that he didn’t even feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span> anymore—the fear rose up in him again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t worry about it,” was what Cloud whispered instead.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not—I won’t hurt you,” Zack said, reaching one hesitant hand out to comfort. Cloud’s eyes flicked to it, the fear spiking again, and Zack let it fall. “You don’t have to be afraid.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course he did. There was always something to be afraid of. Did Zack not know that? His life was clearly different, but was he so ignorant to what a Safeguard’s life was like that he didn’t even know </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is fine,” Cloud tried to soothe. “This is normal. It’s nothing for you to worry about.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But that didn’t help, just had Zack giving a choked laugh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This isn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>normal</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You can’t live like this </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span> the time?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No, of course not. Cloud wasn’t always terrified. Sometimes he was hopeless. Sometimes he was depressed. In few, few, incredibly rare instances, he got a pocket of joy. But fear was a frequent undercurrent. He didn’t understand why that should be so alarming to Zack. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span> the time.” Just most of it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack let out a sound of distressed frustration, running a hand through his hair.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I—I have to go talk to Angeal. I don’t know how he can be </span>
  <em>
    <span>feeling this</span>
  </em>
  <span> and not be—” Zack let out a frustrated grunt and swept from the room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leaving Cloud, freshly bonded, feeling cold and alone in the aftermath again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Only now he was afraid on top of it. Was Zack going to stir things up with Angeal? Was he about to make it </span>
  <em>
    <span>worse</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Because Angeal clearly didn’t like Cloud. He didn’t think trying to guilt him over his inaction was about to make it better. He propped his elbow on his knee and dropped his forehead into his palm, dreading whatever was about to happen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>——————————</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack knocked quickly on the door twice before stepping into the room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Angeal,” he said urgently. “I need to talk to you. Outside. C’mon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal glanced up at him. He had felt everything Zack had. He had felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>more</span>
  </em>
  <span>, had felt Cloud’s dread and resignation going up to when they must have bonded. He knew what this was about. He sighed and climbed out of the nest, and maybe it was some concession on Genesis’s part that he didn’t protest Angeal leaving. He simply rolled over, burying his nose into the spot Angeal had left to chase his scent.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal followed Zack out into the hallway, where he came to a halt, folding his arms over his chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How can you just stand there?” Zack asked, his hands in fists at his side. “I know you feel how—how </span>
  <em>
    <span>lonely</span>
  </em>
  <span> and—and—and fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>wretched</span>
  </em>
  <span> he feels right now. That </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> doesn’t bother you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course it bothers me,” Angeal said, his arms tightening. “I just don’t think I can do anything about it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What, because you don’t want to?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because I don’t know how to be nice to him, knowing that he’s hurting Genesis like this, and when I’m not sure I can trust him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come </span>
  <em>
    <span>on</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Angeal, that’s bullshit. You know he’s not here as a spy. Look at what he’s feeling. He’s just trying to </span>
  <em>
    <span>get by</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you can’t be holding that against him!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but we </span>
  <em>
    <span>don’t know</span>
  </em>
  <span>—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>No</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you don’t want to admit you might be </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrong</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal’s mouth closed slowly. His eyes narrowed. Because, maybe there was some truth in that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Either way. I’m not going in there until I know I can treat him kindly.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Angeal, I know you—you don’t kick a man while he’s down. You don’t do that to </span>
  <em>
    <span>enemies</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You really mean to tell me you’d do that to a harmless, helpless little omega </span>
  <em>
    <span>in your care?</span>
  </em>
  <span> That you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>bonded </span>
  </em>
  <span>to?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes, the best way to care is with some distance.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not when he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>lonely</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t see </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>in there either.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because I can’t be the only one who talks to him!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sephiroth seemed plenty warm to the idea.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so two people are enough? When we’re keeping him </span>
  <em>
    <span>locked in a room</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Angeal, this isn’t how we treat people.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal sighed. He let his arms drop, propping them on his hips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Until Gen comes around, it is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack let out a frustrated growl, and then said, loud enough for Genesis to hear him through the walls, “Then I hope he gets his head out of his ass soon!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He turned and stomped off, frustrated. Angeal sighed, running a hand over his face before he went back inside, to Genesis and the nest. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>There was a quiet knock on the door, and Cloud’s heart jumped into his throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zack hadn’t even been gone that long, only a few minutes. He wasn’t back yet, Cloud could feel his distance, still standing next to Angeal somewhere. It wasn’t Genesis coming to the room either, which meant it had to be Sephiroth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth, who still hadn’t bonded him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed, coming to this realization and getting to his feet, waiting for the door to swing open at any moment. He stood there, heart racing, until a second knock came.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He realized that Sephiroth was waiting for permission to enter which was—ludicrous. Absolutely ridiculous. Cloud didn’t have control over </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>, certainly not the room he was being forced into. It wasn’t up to him who came and went. But, apparently Sephiroth at least wanted to give him that control. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed thickly, his voice not as steady as he wanted when he called, “Come in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door swung open to reveal that it was, in fact, Sephiroth behind it. He stepped in and shut the door lightly, going to sit on the edge of the bed before nodding toward the spot next to him. Cloud went and sat at his side as Sephiroth looked down at the tablet he had brought with him. Cloud’s heart raced, something strangely like hope fluttering in his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Had Sephiroth been serious about those audiobooks?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth held the tablet between them so Cloud could look at it as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are multiple programs on here,” Sephiroth said, explaining without prelude. “Most of them require reading. This one here is a game, in case you’re bored. You match colored tiles to clear them. This is another game, where shapes fall from the top of the screen, and you try to make a solid horizontal line with the shapes to clear them before the falling shapes reach the top of the screen. It’s easier to understand when you look at it than when I explain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud nodded slowly, his heart racing. Sephiroth was being… thoughtful. Incredibly thoughtful. Being alone in this room all day was going to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>boring</span>
  </em>
  <span> and he was giving him a way to entertain himself. It made Cloud wonder again if maybe Sephiroth knew what that was like.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This one is for the books,” Sephiroth explained, tapping at an orange icon with an open book on it. “I put ten on here, that ought to last you for a little. Please let me know when you’re out, and what type you liked, so I can get you more. This one is a thriller, this one is horror, these two are romance, another thriller, a mystery novel, history, historical fiction, science fiction, and fantasy. Tap the one you want and it will start to read aloud to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth handed the tablet to Cloud, who looked down at it in awe. This was </span>
  <em>
    <span>beyond</span>
  </em>
  <span> contraband. Safeguards weren’t allowed reading materials. He hadn’t thought Sephiroth was serious, but clearly he was. He gave him plenty of options. It was… it was a way to escape. It was a way out of his normal life, for just a minute. Something else to think about, another world to escape into, where he didn’t have to worry. He didn’t have to dread. He didn’t have to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>afraid</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed, blinking back tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” he said, his voice small and sincere. “This is… a grand gift.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is the least I can do for you,” Sephiroth said, looking at Cloud looking at the tablet in his hands. “I can’t be with you always, and neither can Zack. I understand that Angeal and Genesis plan to keep their distance. Being trapped in a small room by yourself for days is no one’s idea of pleasant. At least when I was in that position, I was allowed books. I thought it might help you, as it did me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked up at Sephiroth, curious but not daring to ask. Not only would it be prying, but Sephiroth had done more than enough for him today. He just nodded quietly. Sephiroth sighed quietly, brushing Cloud’s hair from his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to admit that I have never had the most skill with bond-bites,” he said, a wry smile on his face. “Romantic gestures tend to be beyond me. I certainly have no skill with becoming close to people; Genesis, Angeal, and Zack all hounded me until I yielded. And I understand that this is not your idea. Being bonded against your will, forced into submission with your emotions on display for people you do not trust, permanently—I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. This is a violation, but I would like to make it as close to being on your terms as it can be. So, perhaps you can tell me how you would like it done?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed again, his throat getting tight. It meant so much to him, that simple understanding from Sephiroth. Of </span>
  <em>
    <span>exactly</span>
  </em>
  <span> how bad it felt, without Cloud having to explain it—because he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t dare, because it wasn’t safe to complain. On the same note, though, Sephiroth had to know what was going to come out of his mouth next. He must.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want however you would like to bite me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t true. He wanted Sephiroth to bite him and leave, just like the others, with as little fanfare as possible. Because Sephiroth was starting to get his hopes up, now. That he might be treated gently, kindly, with respect. Cloud knew that wasn’t how things worked, not for him. That wasn’t how things </span>
  <em>
    <span>went</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Best to keep his head screwed on straight instead of letting it drift in the clouds. He needed both feet on the ground, because when his hopes were dashed, and his heart plummeted to a gorey death on the ground, he was going to break more than he was already broken. He didn’t think he could handle it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to bite you how you want to be bitten. Tell me honestly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was the one loophole, and Cloud wasn’t sure if he was glad or not that Sephiroth found it. If he was ordered to be honest, it was important that he was. If he was caught in a lie then, he would be disciplined. People never bothered ordering his honesty—only Rufus. No one else had a taste for it. But Sephiroth asked for it. He found the sole way Cloud would be willing to give it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d… I’d like you to just bite me, and then let me take care of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth looked at him knowingly. As if he could understand the urge for privacy, to want to put himself back together alone. Cloud could trust himself, even if he could trust no one else. Sephiroth seemed to understand that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without fanfare, Sephiroth shifted on the bed to face Cloud. Cloud turned, one hand back on the mattress for support.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will be quick, then,” Sephiroth promised, watching as Cloud pulled his hair back over his shoulder and tilted his head back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth leaned in and bit without warning. He sank his teeth in deep, waited just a moment to be sure it was enough, and then pulled away. Cloud shivered deeply, rocked to his core by the sensation to what was now such a raw area, but kept a lid on any noises he may have wanted to make. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then Sephiroth was standing, putting space between them. He paused to watch Cloud lift a trembling hand to press against his throat, his breath coming quick and heavy still. Sephiroth watched, the faintest furrow in his brow, as Cloud slowly collected himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Cloud nodded at him, Sephiroth turned and made for the door. Cloud sighed, relaxing some, pressing against his neck and letting his head tip out of the way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could already feel Sephiroth’s absence keenly. He had been lonely all day, and the scant amount of company he’d had had been wretched. The loneliness panged through him again. He missed his friends. He missed his room, where everything was familiar, and he had his contraband box. After a day like today, he wanted nothing more than to talk to Vincent, the other Safeguard he was closest to, and share a chocolate with him from his box in the ceiling. He wanted to talk to the other man until his eyes drooped, and Vincent finally told him, firmly but kindly, that it was time he rested. He missed that. He missed his small comforts, such as he had been allowed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He would want those comforts regardless, but he was thirsting for them like a dying man in a desert. The bond-bites had been slowly heightening his desire for company with each one added. People were not meant to be alone after being bonded. Bonds were supposed to bring people closer together. It went against biological urges to separate after a bite, but here they all were. Everyone had left Cloud alone, and now Cloud would have to deal with the aching loneliness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He </span>
  <em>
    <span>would</span>
  </em>
  <span> deal. Of course he would. He always had, and he always would. There was no other choice, after all. He would survive it, because he wasn’t willing to give up on life yet, miserable though it may be. His mother had always called him stubborn, and that remained true. At the very least, he would remain alive out of spite for his conditions. They would not return him to the Lifestream so easily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t realized Sephiroth hadn’t fully left yet until he spoke again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you… certain, you’d rather be alone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked up to see Sephiroth at the open door, his hand still on the knob despite how he hadn’t crossed the threshold. Cloud smiled faintly, and meant it more than he had any other smile that day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright,” he soothed. “Nothing to be worried about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And if I am worried?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It would be unnecessary. I’m no one for you to worry about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re bonded to me. You are my responsibility. I will always worry about you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s brow furrowed. That wasn’t his understanding of one-sided bonds. It was ownership, pure and simple. It made him Sephiroth’s plaything. Someone to be used as Sephiroth saw fit. That didn’t put him under Sephiroth’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>protection</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Sephiroth didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>owe him</span>
  </em>
  <span> anything. He certainly was not the man’s responsibility. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like I said, that’s unnecessary. I’ll be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. What other choice do you have? You find a way to be fine, or you find your way to your grave; that is the way of these things. I did not ask if you would be fine. I asked if you were certain you’d rather be alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed. He didn’t understand how Sephiroth could </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> that. How he understood, simply and viscerally, these truths that only Safeguards seemed to know. It seemed impossible, for a man of such stature, of such </span>
  <em>
    <span>power</span>
  </em>
  <span> to understand, but clearly he did. He understood more than Cloud would ever have dared to tell him. Even that Cloud did not want to be alone. He was just also giving him the chance to prioritize privacy over his loneliness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the loneliness </span>
  <em>
    <span>ached</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He felt it like a hole in his chest. People were not meant to be bonded and left. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honestly, Cloud. Please be honest with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to be alone,” Cloud whispered, his hands fisting in the fabric of his blood-stained dress. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it was as simple as that. Sephiroth closed the door and closed the gap in two long strides, coming to sit at Cloud’s side again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“May I hold you?” Sephiroth asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud fought the urge to look at him oddly, but knew the bewilderment filtered through the bond. No one </span>
  <em>
    <span>asked</span>
  </em>
  <span> to touch a Safeguard. There was no need. The answer was always yes. They weren’t allowed to say no.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I only have interest if it is what </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> want, Cloud.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud couldn’t fight back the pinch in his brow. It was confusing as all hell. It wasn’t how things </span>
  <em>
    <span>worked</span>
  </em>
  <span>. No one cared about what Cloud wanted. No one had since he left his mother’s side. It had been drilled into him that wants were for people who owned themselves. The only desire Cloud was allowed was to please others. It didn’t stop other desires from arising, but it certainly stopped him from acting on them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But beyond that was the strange fact that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> want to be held. Instinct told him that a kind touch would go a long way in soothing the ache in his chest. Instinct knew what to do after a bond-bite, what was the correct way to go about it, even if Cloud himself did not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which was what had Cloud admitting, his tone completely baffled, “I would like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth nodded readily, taking this completely in stride. He didn’t need Cloud to explain why he was confused. He didn’t need Cloud to explain why he wanted what he did. He simply took Cloud’s hand and encouraged him to follow him up the mattress. Sephiroth leaned back against the headboard and pillows, drawing Cloud to him. Cloud curled himself against Sephiroth’s side, his head pillowed on his chest, and finally, </span>
  <em>
    <span>finally</span>
  </em>
  <span> felt the knot in his chest unwind. The breath he held shuddered on its way out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth wrapped his arm around Cloud’s shoulders, the hand stroking over his arm, as his free hand took Cloud by the knee and encouraged his leg to drape over Sephiroth’s. He left his hand there, holding Cloud in place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And, for the first time in Gaia knew how long, Cloud felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>safe</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He told himself it was instinct talking. He couldn’t possibly trust Sephiroth after a few kind gestures—he didn’t trust anyone, not even other Safeguards, because they turned on each other constantly to keep in Shinra’s good graces. Cloud knew he was alone in the world—just maybe, right now, he didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel </span>
  </em>
  <span>quite so alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this comfortable?” Cloud heard Sephiroth say distantly. He was barely paying attention enough to be able to nod. He was </span>
  <em>
    <span>much</span>
  </em>
  <span> too comfortable. This was almost what he remembered a nest feeling like, back when he was a child and had been allowed one. It was what he imagined it might feel like now, but Safeguards were explicitly forbidden from them, even during heats. He imagined what it might be like, curled up in a nest with Sephiroth like this, and found that he liked the idea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A distant part of him shouted that he was getting much too attached much too fast. That he was latching on to the first person to treat him with kindness without any reason to trust him. Sephiroth might be doing all of this to lull him into a false sense of security, after all. Who knew what was waiting for him down the line? He had no business fantasizing about </span>
  <em>
    <span>cuddling</span>
  </em>
  <span> in a </span>
  <em>
    <span>nest</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In spite of that part of himself, Cloud found himself starting to drift off, more content than he had been in a long time. He chalked it up to having his instincts soothed in a way they rarely ever were, and decided not to look any deeper than that. He told himself he was just going to close his eyes, just for a second.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was out like a light. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Sephiroth opened the door quietly, stepping inside. It was later than he had meant to let it be before he got back to the others, but it had been hard to tear himself away from Cloud. Cloud was finally calm, and content, and sleeping easily. He knew he couldn’t feel that way often, and wanted to prolong the experience for him. He only barely managed to leave the bed without waking him as it was, but the clock they had put in the room was pushing midnight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The room they normally shared was still done up with a nest on the bed. Genesis wasn’t one for nests, usually. They were for his heats, he said, usually constructed slap-dash and torn down the second he could tolerate it. Sephiroth had never seen it, had never seen Genesis build one at all; he’d been on suppressants for as long as he’d known him. It said something about Genesis’s level of distress that he had built one, and was spending so much time in it. He had glared at them all and insisted they not say a word about it when they found him inside  of it that first day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone was there, now. Genesis was in the center, as he often was, but had certainly been since they found out about Cloud’s impending arrival. Zack and Angeal framed him on either side. Sephiroth dressed down for bed, carefully opting to sleep next to Angeal. He wanted to go next to Zack, to show his support for the idea that they be kind to Cloud. But it would draw everything out, if Angeal and Genesis felt abandoned and attacked. They needed to be supported, and brought back into the fold. That meant Sephiroth couldn’t leave them behind for Cloud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But before he could make it into the nest, Genesis piped up, “Don’t you dare come in here smelling like strange omega.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth blinked. It made sense that some of Cloud’s scent had rubbed off on him. They had been pressed together for a while. He hadn’t thought much about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He isn’t a strange omega. We’ve all bonded him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span>, bonds or not, and you’re going to shower before you come into this nest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth sighed, but grabbed a change of clothes and headed for the shower. Better to humor Genesis for now. Cloud’s emotional distress would wear him down in time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because Sephiroth was certain this contentment was short-lived. He didn’t know the exact details of Cloud’s position, but recognized enough similarities to be certain. It would be quite a while before most of his day was spent in anything but abject misery. The best they could hope for was boredom. And when Genesis realized what he was putting Cloud through, his mind would change. But that would take time. This early out, it could be written off as the situation they were all put in. Things weren’t so obviously </span>
  <em>
    <span>their</span>
  </em>
  <span> fault, yet. But as time passed, and Cloud’s mental state didn’t improve, it would become clear who was at fault, and Genesis would be out of excuses. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For now, Sephiroth had to be patient. He had to humor Genesis, so he went and took his shower.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>————————</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud woke up the next morning, and for a second, couldn’t figure out where he was. He looked up and didn’t see his loose ceiling tile that hid his contraband. Then his throat throbbed painfully, and he reached up to see what was wrong, only to feel the cross-hatch of bites over his scent gland. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed hard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was right. He was with the Firsts, now. This was his new home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat up slowly, looking around the room. Still as plain and white as it had been. On the nightstand there was the tablet, plugged into a charger, and an alarm clock that told him it was 0630. He didn’t know what time he fell asleep. He hadn’t intended to fall asleep—he would never have done so </span>
  <em>
    <span>on Sephiroth</span>
  </em>
  <span> had he been thinking straight. He blamed the bonding hormones. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bonding hormones that were still lingering, apparently, because as soon as he thought of Sephiroth, that aching loneliness returned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed, rubbing his brow. There was nothing to be done about it. There were two people who would spend any amount of time with him, and they were likely busy. Cloud would just have to move on. Get over it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So that was what he did. He moved on. He got out of bed and opened one of the trash bags they had brought his things up in. He rifled around until he found underwear and a clean dress before going to shower. He scrubbed the blood off with a long practiced hand, careful not to think about how it got there, like always. He knew how this went by now. He used the Shinra-issue soaps he found in the shower to get clean before just standing under the spray for a long minute. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The water wasn’t quite scalding, but it was hotter than the Safeguard showers ever got. He had forgotten how nice hot water was. He leaned up against the wall of the shower and angled the shower head toward him so he could just stand and soak it in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If nothing else, this at least was a benefit to the new arrangement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, Cloud didn’t want to use all the hot water and aggravate anyone, so he cut the water before too much time had passed. He stepped out into the steam-filled room and toweled off, twisting one up into his hair. He looked around for a blow dryer but didn’t find one. That would have to be fine. He could air dry. The back of his dress would be soaked by the time his hair dried, but there was nothing to do about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud had barely gotten dressed before there was a knock on the door. He stepped out of the bathroom, still braiding his hair to keep it out of the way, having discarded the towel it was wrapped in, to see Angeal of all people step into the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a long pause, where Angeal looked at Cloud and Cloud looked at Angeal. Cloud kept his face calm and pleasant, simply waiting to be told what the visit was for as he finished braiding his hair and tied it off. Angeal seemed to be lost for words. Cloud didn’t know why. He must have a reason for why he came—he had made it clear he wanted to avoid Cloud. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, Angeal cleared his throat and said, “Zack and Sephiroth have gone on missions today. They didn’t want to wake you to let you know. There’s someone here to see you; they want proof that you were bonded. Follow me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that, Angeal turned and left, and Cloud hurried after him, relieved to be allowed out of the room, if only for a minute. He tried not to let his eyes wander around the den as he passed through it, but it was hard to ignore. It was homey; Genesis must have had a hand in the decor. That kind of warmth in decoration came from an omega’s touch. Cloud’s mother had had that touch, making their house comfortable and welcoming with the scant amount she had to work with. They were too poor to decorate with anything they couldn’t make themselves, but they had made the house a home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before he could get too deep into reminiscing, he was at the front door, which Angeal opened. He stood aside to reveal Vincent, clearly marked as a Safeguard by the wide black metal collar around his neck. Vincent had been a Safeguard for a long time—some said he was the first one. Vincent never confirmed or denied these claims. He never explained how he got in the department, and Cloud had never wanted to pry. They got to keep terribly few things, but their secrets could be one of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had high standing in the department. He was one of the few allowed around Midgar itself, though, like the other Safeguards, he didn’t leave their floor unless accompanied, or ordered to meet someone somewhere. He was considered to be reliable, which meant he was often given tasks like this. Things that were related to the Safeguards, but needed to be handled by someone Shinra trusted. He should have expected to see Vincent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though they were close, Vincent being Cloud’s closest friend, they looked at each other evenly, giving nothing away. Safeguards weren’t supposed to have friends, after all. It was best if no one knew their attachment to each other, because if they did, it would be used against them both. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he could see the way Vincent eyed him up and down, trying to be sure he was alright. Cloud clasped his hands in front of himself and tapped his index and middle fingers twice—an old signal between the two of them that everything was alright. All four fingers tapped once meant trouble. Vincent didn’t nod, but he did look back up to Angeal, not addressing Cloud, as was expected.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will need a photograph as evidence,” Vincent explained, holding up a PHS he had been sent with. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Angeal nodded and gestured toward Cloud, who tilted his head back to more clearly show the bites. Vincent took one close up of the bites so they could be counted clearly, then one further away as evidence that they were on Cloud’s throat by keeping his face in the shot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vincent then dipped his head, his shoulders coming forward in a slight bow toward Angeal, who stood there awkwardly, unsure of what was happening. A long moment passed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is he doing?” Angeal finally asked Cloud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Waiting for you to dismiss him,” Cloud explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah. Uhm, you’re dismissed?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vincent bowed deeper in acknowledgement before standing and making his way off down the hall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked to Angeal, who looked back at him. Angeal’s lips pursed. There was a long moment, where he seemed to be considering saying something, before he gave up on it and sighed. He nodded back the way they came and led Cloud back to the room. Cloud stepped inside it, and before he could even turn around, Angeal had closed the door behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud tipped his head back and sighed. The avoidance was already getting old. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Cloud was never one for idleness. He needed to be busy, so he went about putting his things away, carefully tucking all his things into the drawers of the dresser, or hanging them in the closet. He carefully applied his make-up. They didn’t bring a curler for him, so he left his hair in the braid, planning on relying on the waves it would create as it dried for some semblance of style. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then he was done. He had no other task left to him. So he finally went to the tablet and pulled up one of the games. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first game wasn’t particularly difficult, and neither was the other when he tried it. He didn’t want to turn to the books yet, having planned on stretching them out as long as possible. Who knew if he would be given more? He didn’t want to burn through them all and be left with nothing whatsoever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he played the games, lying on his stomach on the bed, a pillow under his chest to prop him up comfortably. But the longer he played, the more the boredom set in, until he was forcing himself to continue with the games just to do </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span>. As the boredom grew, so too did the loneliness. He reminded himself of the bonding hormones, and prayed that it would not be like this after a few days. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because it felt like there was a gaping hole in the heart of him. It </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurt</span>
  </em>
  <span>, to sit here alone, in the still silence. His instincts were screaming for the ones he was bonded too. Even if they weren’t, Cloud wasn’t used to this. He was accustomed to clients coming and going all day long, save his scheduled breaks and the small gap between each client wherein he was supposed to clean himself and the room up. Meals and evenings, after the last clients were gone, were spent with the other Safeguards. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His ears were ringing in the silence. He put the tablet down, crossed his arms, and hid his face in them. He wasn’t used to this </span>
  <em>
    <span>silence</span>
  </em>
  <span> either. The Safeguard department was often filled with noise during the day. Moaning and screaming, heavy impacts, the thud of people crashing into walls. Talk, in the quiet moments, and during meals. The hustle and bustle of people coming and going constantly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud used to cherish the quiet moments when he was left alone. He was usually over-stimulated, overwhelmed by the noise and the movement and all the people. The quiet had been his refuge, before, his safe harbor. It was when he got to recharge, to build himself back up to do it again the next day. It was why he cherished the late night hours, where everyone was asleep, and Cloud was left alone in the silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He found himself missing all the noise and the people, now. The silence had only been a refuge when there was something to contrast it with. When there was nothing but silence, it felt like drowning. The heavy weight of an ocean’s worth of water slowly crushing him as he withered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, reminding himself that he would be fine. He had to be fine. There wasn’t a choice. He would be fine, or he would be dead, and he was not going to let </span>
  <em>
    <span>silence</span>
  </em>
  <span> be the final straw. He would not go so easily. When he finally went to the Lifestream, he planned on going in a blaze of glory, ideally taking someone with him. Preferably Rufus. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tried to fight the tide of the silence, to swim up toward air, but it was a losing battle. All he could remember was that this was his life from now on. One room, in silence, until it broke him. He was bonded to the Firsts now, there was no way to go back to how life had been. Zack had made promises that this wasn’t for forever, that Genesis would come around and he would be let out, but Cloud had many doubts. He had never known freedoms to be returned once they had been taken. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud sighed and let himself settle into the hopelessness. That, at least, he knew well. It was familiar and comfortable. His situation was what it was, and it was not going to get better. There was nothing he could do about it. It was out of his hands, the way things always were. All he could do was hang on by his fingernails and survive. That would have to be enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud wasn’t sure how long he had been laying there, wallowing. What he knew was that, somewhere in the den, there was a distant crash. His shoulders tensed and he looked over one toward the door, waiting for it to be flung open, because someone was clearly angry. Was this when the beatings started? Surely Genesis was going to take all that anger out on him at some point. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At least it would break up the day, some. Cloud could handle the pain. And, even if the person he was with was enraged, at least he wouldn’t be alone. He would take fury at this point, just to have someone else in the room with him. The points where the bond attached, binding his soul to another’s, ached for the ones he was bonded to. Even if they came with fury, even if they came with raised fists, it would ease that ache to have them there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It would have made him hopeful, if it didn’t fill him with dread. He could handle the beating. He could handle ire. What he couldn’t handle was Genesis breaking with the fury. If he grew too angry, he could send Cloud off for reconditioning. Cloud knew that. He didn’t want to push any boundaries. He didn’t want to make things worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But maybe he wouldn’t. Genesis was approaching now, Cloud could feel it. That was good. Maybe he would just hit Cloud enough, wear out some of his anger, and not send him for reconditioning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All he could do was try and soothe Genesis, to try and take some of that anger from him until he cooled down. Cloud got off the bed, brushing his skirt out, and went to the foot of the bed. He knelt there, hands in his lap, head bowed in submission, waiting for Genesis to burst into the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he did, the door was flung open so hard it cracked against the wall. Genesis came to an abrupt stop in the doorway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span> are you doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud felt the fear thrumming in his veins. He had to be careful. One wrong move, one false step and he could be sent off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Waiting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Waiting for </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your anger. Please take it out on me as you see fit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Genesis made a disgusted sound of frustration. Cloud could see him fling his hands up from the corner of his eye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goddess, do you lay down like a dog and take anything you’re given? What the hell do you think of me? That I’ll beat you into the ground for daring to exist?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yes. That was exactly what Cloud thought. It was what he expected. That was normal. Cloud didn’t understand why Genesis was phrasing it that way, as if it was ridiculous to even consider.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He kept his face carefully schooled, but Genesis could feel his confusion bleed over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t presume to know your intentions,” he said carefully. “I only wanted to be ready for you. If there’s something else you would prefer, I’m happy to give it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Genesis huffed in aggravation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would prefer a </span>
  <em>
    <span>spine</span>
  </em>
  <span> from you. I would prefer you not to be this perfect little omega, sent here to rub my face in everything that I am not and have no interest in being. Get up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud climbed to his feet immediately, but kept his eyes low. The confusion rose up stronger than before. What was Genesis asking for? He couldn’t be asking for Cloud to be impertinent. Cloud </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be the perfect omega, always. It was crucial. It was critical. It was the only way he stayed </span>
  <em>
    <span>safe</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Even Rufus, who liked his spark on occasion, didn’t ask Cloud to be anything other than what he was trained to be. He was to mouth off only when explicitly asked for it, and even that was obedience. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud just didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>understand</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t understand it when Genesis stalked forward and pushed him by the shoulders. Cloud stumbled back a step, but kept his head low. He was confused. Did Genesis want him to act out to earn a punishment? Was he looking for an excuse to hit Cloud? He had no problem shoving him—he did so again. Cloud stumbled back another step. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you just going to sit in here and </span>
  <em>
    <span>wallow?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Not one toe out of line, not one word in your defense, not a single plea to be let out, or for the company you so </span>
  <em>
    <span>dearly</span>
  </em>
  <span> crave? Are you really just going to give up this easily?” Genesis snapped, shoving Cloud a third time. “Answer me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Cloud said immediately. It was what was expected. He was to give in, always. “Yes, of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Genesis all but shouted his sound of disgust. He turned away, flinging his hands up, and paced to the still-open door. Cloud stood stock-still, unsure why Genesis was acting like that was the wrong answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is </span>
  <em>
    <span>pathetic</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You should be telling me to go to hell! You should at </span>
  <em>
    <span>least</span>
  </em>
  <span> be angry too. I can feel your frustration starting up, but you’re tamping it down. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Stop</span>
  </em>
  <span> being </span>
  <em>
    <span>perfect</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That isn’t safe</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Cloud ached to say. He gritted his teeth together, because he was starting to get frustrated. He didn’t know what Genesis </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He would give it to him, if he just asked for something Cloud still knew how to give. But he couldn’t give voice to his frustration. He wasn’t sure he knew how anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Why?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Genesis snapped. “Why are you biting your tongue? I can’t even read your frustration in your body language! If we weren’t bonded, I’d fall for your little act. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why</span>
  </em>
  <span> are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>bothering</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud took a deep breath. He couldn’t believe he was going to say it. He wasn’t supposed to acknowledge unspoken truths like this one. He was never supposed to put them to words, to acknowledge how bad the Safeguards had it. People wanted to live with the illusion that they were pampered, well-kept little birds in cages. That everything was exactly as it appeared. But this was what Genesis was asking for, and Cloud was terrified to know what would happen if he didn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because that’s how I stay safe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed. He wasn’t going to make him </span>
  <em>
    <span>explain</span>
  </em>
  <span> it, was he?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I play my part to stay safe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Under what threat? Because you were ready to let me beat you. That’s the worst we could do to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud finally risked a glance up, his face carefully even, though Genesis could no doubt feel how incredulous he was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was that what Genesis thought? That the worst they could do was </span>
  <em>
    <span>hit him?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Did he not realize how much control he had over Cloud? Did he not know that Cloud’s life was in his palm, to do with what he would?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud didn’t want to tell him. He didn’t want to put any ideas in his head. But he asked, and Cloud was supposed to answer direct questions. Cloud carefully lowered his eyes again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What you could do to me is limited only by your imagination,” Cloud informed him, praying that it was vague enough. “I am yours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No one is this afraid of hypotheticals. When you imagine what we might do to you, and that surge of fear rises in your throat, you are picturing something. What is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed, his stomach plummeting with dread. He didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to give Genesis the idea, didn’t want to plant that seed. But it was a direct question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Reconditioning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell is ‘reconditioning?’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s what happened when I tried to run.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Genesis paused, then. When Cloud glanced up, he was looking at him calculatingly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And this is what they conditioned you into being. A perfect omega.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why the hell would I send you for that? Your ‘perfect omega’ act does nothing but irritate me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud couldn’t help it. His brow furrowed in confusion. He didn’t know what to say. Genesis was going contrary to everything Cloud had ever been taught to expect. How did he please him if he didn’t want what everyone else wanted from Cloud?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Genesis sighed in frustration, swiping a hand through his hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So this isn’t the real you,” Genesis said, understanding now. “This is what you were taught?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud pressed his lips together. He wasn’t supposed to acknowledge it. He was never supposed to admit what had been done. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t get the words past his mouth. He opted to simply nod.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Genesis sighed again. He folded his arms, drumming his fingers against one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then prove it. You aren’t the perfect omega? Then tell me to fuck off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a direct order. It was clear, and simple, and concise, and Cloud knew how to follow it. But the simple thought terrified him. His gut plummeted, and his heart raced. He could hear his pulse rushing through his ears. He clasped his hands together so they wouldn’t tremble. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>How could this be what he wanted? How could this be what anyone would want from Cloud?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then it clicked into place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was what he had thought earlier. He was trying to justify beating Cloud. He wanted it to be provoked, so he could feel better about raising his hand to him. That made everything make sense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it still terrified him. Not even </span>
  <em>
    <span>Rufus</span>
  </em>
  <span> would ask this of him. Those were words he hadn’t uttered since his reconditioning. Even the thought brought up—best not to think about it. He couldn’t get sucked into the memories. If he let those pull him down to drown, he’d never make it out of this conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“F—” Cloud tried. The words got stuck in his throat. He licked his lips and tried again. “Fu—” He blew out a short, hard breath, his brow pinching. He had to say it. He let the hopelessness settle around him. Whatever happened after, it was out of his hands now. He had to do what he was told. “Fuck off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Genesis looked at him appraisingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re only saying that because I told you to, aren’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed thickly. He nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Genesis sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, saying, “Telling me to ‘fuck off’ and still the perfect omega about it. Whatever they did, whoever you used to be, I’m not sure they left anything </span>
  <em>
    <span>but</span>
  </em>
  <span> a perfect omega.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Genesis looked up, he seemed resigned. He almost seemed… sad, but that couldn’t be right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t…” Genesis started. “I don’t know what to do about this. I’m leaving. Stay here and try not to wallow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that, Genesis swept out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud felt his knees go weak a second before they buckled. He fell to the floor on his knees and let himself shake in the lingering terror. He fought to breathe slowly, planting one hand on the floor ahead of him, the other covering his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tried to tell himself that it would be okay. That Genesis didn’t like the idea of reconditioning. He seemed to find it distasteful. He didn’t like who it had made Cloud, for some strange reason. He didn’t understand. He didn’t understand Genesis </span>
  <em>
    <span>at all</span>
  </em>
  <span>. But he didn’t have to. He just had to survive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just had to survive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To do that, he had to piece himself back together. And he would. In a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For now, Cloud just focused on breathing. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was starting to become an issue. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud was very good at ignoring his own wants and needs, even down to the physical. There had been many, many sleepless nights, when clients decided to stay late, when other Safeguards needed help, when Cloud was simply too haunted to rest. There were many days where he simply didn’t have time to drink outside of meals, and ended up dehydrated from his constant physical activity. There were many days where meals had to be skipped, or were taken for some reason or another, and they had always been small to begin with. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He got plenty of sleep the last night. He was able to drink from the tap water in the bathroom. No, the issue was the hunger. It was starting to become a bigger issue than he wanted it to be. It was late afternoon, now, which meant it was over 24 hours since he had last eaten. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t sure what to do about it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He could go longer without food. He had done it before, and could again. But he didn’t particularly want to, if he didn’t have to. He wondered if they had simply forgotten to feed him. He wondered if this was a deliberate choice, more of Genesis’s anger coming out. If it was the latter, and he asked for food, he might only make things worse. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But the problem stood that Cloud didn’t know how to get in contact with any of them, even if he wanted to. Oh, he could shout and bang on the walls and raise a ruckus until they came to check—if he wanted to be sent to reconditioning, that is. He just didn’t know how to stay in line and also solve the problem. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So he curled himself up in the corner of the room on the floor. He turned the lights out, trying to spare his headache as much as possible. Because his head was </span>
  <em>
    <span>throbbing</span>
  </em>
  <span> from the hunger. His stomach kept turning in unpleasant ways and alternately feeling perfectly fine in a way Cloud knew was dangerous. He tried to fill his stomach with water to balance it out, but that could only help for so long. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So he sat in the dark and he tried to not think about the hunger. He mouthed the words to Old Nibel songs to himself, trying to distract himself as best he could. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But the fact of the matter was that he was simply in pain. He didn’t know if that filtered through the bond. He tried to feel no way at all about it, but didn’t know if he succeeded. He wanted to intrude on their lives as little as possible, as that seemed to be what set Genesis off earlier that day. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud was humming to himself softly in the dark when the door opened. The light flicked on, and Cloud winced before squinting at the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal stood there, looking around for him before he finally spotted Cloud. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You need something,” Angeal stated, a simple fact. “What is it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud licked his lips. He wasn’t supposed to ask for things, not ever, but he was being asked a direct question. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Food,” he finally risked saying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal blinked at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Food? You haven’t just gone to the kitchen?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked back at Angeal. He was too worn down to keep the confusion off his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was told to stay here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, yes, but that didn’t mean you have to </span>
  <em>
    <span>starve</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud stared at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But… I was told to stay here. In the room.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No one meant that so </span>
  <em>
    <span>literally</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You still have to eat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… I don’t understand. I was told to stay here unless accompanied elsewhere.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal sighed and rubbed his brow. He didn’t seem to understand why Cloud didn’t understand. Cloud didn’t understand why Angeal didn’t. It was a simple order. No wiggle room, no corners to bend. Stay in the room. It had been concise. He didn’t see why Angeal would have thought he’d leave at all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, well, I’ll take you to the kitchen then. Come on.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud got to his feet, having to brace himself against the wall as a wave of dizziness hit him. Angeal took a step forward, as if to help, but Cloud hurried to pull himself back to steadiness. He offered Angeal a soft smile just to earn a confused scowl in return. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He ducked through the door Angeal held open for him. Angeal led them through the den, much as he did earlier that day, but brought them instead to the kitchen. He went to one of the stools at an island counter and sat, pulling out his PHS. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go ahead and take what you need from the fridge. I’ll take you back when you’re done.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud wandered toward the refrigerator hesitantly. He was used to his meals being carefully regulated. He wasn’t allowed freedom with what he ate. But he was being told to take care of it himself. Very well. He would. He would follow his orders. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t realize Angeal was talking about him as he furiously typed on his PHS. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Angeal:</span>
  </em>
  <span> was the decision that Cloud isn’t allowed to walk around, period?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Zack: </span>
  </em>
  <span>yeah, that’s what we agreed on</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Zack: </span>
  </em>
  <span>why?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Angeal: </span>
  </em>
  <span>I figured he would at least go out to feed himself</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Genesis: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Has he not been?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sephiroth:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Of course he hasn’t. He was given an explicit order. He will follow it to the letter. Have you not fed him at all today?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Angeal: </span>
  </em>
  <span>I didn’t realize I had to!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sephiroth: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Never expect him to take initiative in his own care, especially not if it runs counter to standing orders. His needs are his last priority. As he understands it, he must please us to survive. If we want him to eat, we have to feed him. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Angeal:</span>
  </em>
  <span> how was I supposed to guess that?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sephiroth: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Perhaps I did not explain his position thoroughly enough. We will have a proper conversation about it when Zack and I return home. In the meantime, I would appreciate you feeding him. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Angeal: </span>
  </em>
  <span>he’s in the kitchen working on it now </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sephiroth:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Take charge of it. He will underfeed himself. He will eat the minimum to fulfill your order while taking as little from us as possible. He will not eat properly if left to his own devices. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal squinted at his PHS in disbelief. Then he looked up to see Cloud with a bowl in hand, carefully selecting all of five baby carrots from a bag before deeming that enough and going to put the bag back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal sighed. This was more contact than he wanted to have with Cloud, but he wasn’t going to let him </span>
  <em>
    <span>starve. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop,” Angeal said with a sigh. Cloud’s head shot up, looking almost guilty. He carefully put the fifth carrot back in the bag, as if that was the problem. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Angeal: </span>
  </em>
  <span>I’ll handle it</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With the final text sent, Angeal got off his seat and went to Cloud’s side. He put the carrots back in the bag and began pulling out supplies for dinner. It was early still, and he hadn’t planned on cooking for another few hours. The food would keep, though, until the others wanted it. Better than whatever Cloud’s solution was going to be. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go sit at the island,” Angeal said. “Unless you want to help with prep work?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After the pause grew to be lengthy, Angeal glanced up at Cloud. He looked calm and composed, but Angeal could feel his nervousness filtering through their bond. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because Cloud had never been trusted with a knife since leaving his mother. Safeguards were not allowed weapons. Their food was prepared for them for more reasons than just portion control. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But this was another unspoken rule. No one acknowledged it. Safeguards just came to realize what was absent in their lives. No one had to tell them they weren’t allowed weapons—not when so many of them were looking for one, and found none. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… shouldn’t,” Cloud finally decided was the best thing to say. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal paused in getting a cutting board to raise an eyebrow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shouldn’t?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It isn’t allowed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why no—oh. Oh I see.” Angeal pursed his lips, his eyes measuring Cloud. Clearly deciding whether or not to trust him regardless. But with that seed of doubt being planted, that people who knew him better did not trust him to be armed, there was only one way this could go. “Go sit, then.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud went to obey without another word. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal worked quietly in the kitchen as Cloud watched, having nothing else to do. He could distantly feel Genesis deeper in the den, but he was making no moves to join them. So Cloud simply sat and watched, fighting the urge to fidget. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually, the meal was done, and a plate set before Cloud. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was… extravagant, by Cloud’s standards. The portion of chicken was double what Cloud was normally allowed. It wasn’t simply boiled, instead pan seared and covered in some sort of sauce. The carrots on the side had been roasted instead of steamed, and there were more than a handful. There was some sort of rice on the side, fragrant with some sort of aromatics. Cloud couldn’t remember the last time he was allowed carbs. He looked up at Angeal, the faintest look of confusion seeping onto his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is… for me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal raised an eyebrow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes? I’ll eat with the others later.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t seem to understand what Cloud was asking. He didn’t seem to understand that this was much more than Cloud was ever allowed. The selfish part of him wanted to keep his mouth shut, not mention his diet, and keep the food. But if he was caught later, he’d be disciplined, he was sure. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I mean, it’s just—this is more than my diet allows.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal raised both eyebrows this time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is a healthy portion for an adult, and you could stand to gain a bit of weight, even if it wasn’t. We’re in charge of your diet now. Go on and eat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud did not have to be told twice. Angeal was being far more generous than he realized, but Cloud was not going to protest more than the one time necessary to say that he had tried. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He used the fork to cut the chicken, as he always did, knowing he wasn’t allowed knives. He put the first bite into his mouth and </span>
  <em>
    <span>moaned</span>
  </em>
  <span>, the sound almost wanton. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud realized what he had done and felt himself flush, covering his mouth and glancing up at Angeal. Except Angeal only looked faintly amused. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Glad you like it,” he said before turning his back and going to start clean up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud ate his meal </span>
  <em>
    <span>quietly</span>
  </em>
  <span> from that point on, and very carefully. He didn’t want to make himself sick from eating too fast. He had forgotten food could taste </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span>, that it wasn’t just a necessity, just some need to be met as efficiently as possible. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, Cloud found himself staring down at the half-finished plate. He had a dilemma. He wanted to keep eating, wanted too very much, but he was stuffed full to bursting. His stomach was too small to handle so much food these days. Eventually, he had to stop, before he made himself sick and wasted it all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t finish it,” Cloud finally admitted, glancing up at Angeal, who was now leaning against the counter on his PHS. He glanced up, took a look at Cloud’s plate, and scowled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you full?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s barely half the serving.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal sighed then, looking at Cloud oddly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing to apologize for. We’ll just have to work you up to proper portions again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before Cloud could figure out what to say to such an odd promise, Angeal was whisking his plate away, covering it in tin foil, and putting it in the fridge. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on, then. Before you fall asleep at the table.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud only then realized that his eyes had, in fact, been drooping. He cursed himself; he was supposed to be attentive at all times. He blamed it on how much he had eaten. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He followed Angeal back to the room, where Angeal shut the door behind him. Cloud didn’t even have it in him to mind the lack of goodbye. He was too excited to flip into bed and sleep off the food-exhaustion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For the first time that day, he was content. That was two whole days in a row with a spot of contentment in them. Maybe things wouldn’t be so bad here after all. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Sephiroth was the last one home, and by the time he reached the others, he could tell they were all impatient. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had gathered from the calm serenity from Cloud that he was asleep, despite it being early. It was for the best. He would likely be anxious if he knew what they were about to discuss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About time,” Genesis snapped. “Took you long enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Missions take as long as they take, as you’re well aware,” Sephiroth said, setting Masamune in its bracket on the wall before going to take the empty loveseat. Genesis had sequestered himself to the armchair and Zack and Angeal were together on the three-seater couch, which would have fit him, but perhaps a bit of distance was in order.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well? Spill it. What don’t we know about the mutt, and why do </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> know anything about it at all?” Genesis asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t call him that,” Zack grumbled. Genesis pointedly ignored him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know the fine details. Safeguards have never been a concern of mine. But I know enough to realize they are not in a dissimilar position to one I was once in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The air in the room seemed to be sucked out, leaving a vacuum behind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Angeal finally dared, “You mean the labs?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do. I cannot say the positions are exactly the same. Shinra was interested in my growth and progress, whereas Cloud has been forced to stagnate at best.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then what’s the same?” Zack asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have both been completely under Shinra’s sway. Shinra has a heavy hand on one’s leash, once they have you collared. There is no tolerance for disobedience. From what I gather, Cloud learned this the hard way, when he attempted to run. Stories say he’s different now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He mentioned what he called ‘reconditioning.’ He wouldn’t say what was involved, and barely admitted that it was traumatic,” Angeal said, rubbing at his jaw in thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He mentioned that reconditioning is why he acts like a perfect omega,” Genesis said, drumming his fingers on the arm of the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You spoke to him?” Sephiroth asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was </span>
  <em>
    <span>wallowing</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I couldn’t take it. I was trying to force him to feel something else. I was not expecting any secrets to come out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know what reconditioning is, Seph?” Zack asked, apprehension thick in his tone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is torture.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that… a euphemism, or metaphor, or…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean it quite literally. I was taught how to torture by practicing on Safeguards in need of reconditioning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The other three immediately looked sick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They had you </span>
  <em>
    <span>practice</span>
  </em>
  <span> on—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was going to be done regardless. I had to learn. If I didn’t do it, a Turk would have. I was not in a position to refuse my orders—much as Cloud is not now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I want to know the specifics?” Zack asked in a small voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It begins as physical, until the will breaks. Then the training begins. The slightest misstep leads to more torture. The process is repeated, until the training takes, and there are no more missteps.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck’s sake,” Genesis whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Frankly, if the stories are correct, I’m surprised he wasn’t reconditioned earlier. He was certainly disciplined, which would have been unpleasant, but apparently bearable. He is terrified of being sent back a second time, and for good reason.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He thought I was going to beat him,” Genesis admitted. “I told him that was the worst I could do. When I asked what he was so afraid of, because it wasn’t the beating, he said reconditioning. He really—he’s not going to break a single rule.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. He understands his position very well at this point. Any order you give, no matter how casual the phrasing, will be followed to the letter. Anything given explicitly, such as our command to stay in his room, will be ironclad. I know for a fact the idea of leaving his room for food did not so much as cross his mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I… finally fed him,” Angeal said, “he could barely finish half the plate. Before I stepped in, he was going to have five tiny carrots for his only meal. It’s more than just this big threat, isn’t it? It’s a lifestyle forced on him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth inclined his head, saying, “Shinra does not need him happy. They need him functional. He was given the minimum amount of food to sustain him at the desired weight, with no regard for taste.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He… he did seem to really enjoy it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course he did. He hasn’t had a meal with flavor since he arrived here, however long ago that was, and you are an excellent cook.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What else? What else did they do to him? There has to be more,” Zack said, despite looking sickened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know the fine details. He admitted he doesn’t know how to read. Outside of that, we will have to keep a close eye, to see what else has been done.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But he’s broken,” Genesis said. “They broke him. Can he ever move past this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth blinked at him slowly, evenly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did, did I not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You have a </span>
  <em>
    <span>will</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have a will, but I was as perfectly obedient as he is, once. He has one. He is just too afraid to show it. We just have to work within his parameters.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What parameters?” Angeal asked, a furrow in his brow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He must obey every order. So we order him to do what will help him. I ordered him to be honest, and he did. He will break the rules as he knows them if explicitly told to. We are his current owners. As he understands it, our rules come first now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He tried to explain that I was breaking his diet,” Angeal said, realizing now what had happened. “But he ate when I told him to, and that we make his diet now. He was breaking a rule he knew, but did it because I said to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth nodded, saying, “He is not beyond help. He will be difficult to handle, and require much care and patience, but it is possible. I want to offer him that help. Do you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth said it, staring straight at Genesis. They all understood that this hinged on Genesis; it had from the start. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Genesis had had time to think, even before this. He’d had several issues with Cloud’s presence. The first was that Shinra seemed to find him to be such a failure of an omega that they would force another one on their pack, but after some time to consider, Genesis realized that he couldn’t hold this against Cloud. It wasn’t his fault; he hadn’t asked for it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which left the issue of Cloud’s behavior, his ‘perfect omega’ act. But, as Genesis was coming to understand, this was not who Cloud really was. It wasn’t who he wanted to be, but who he was forced to be, apparently under threat of torture. He was, as he told Genesis, just trying to keep himself safe. And Genesis didn’t know what that was like—he was grateful he did not. He could have ended up a Safeguard himself, if his parents had been only a little less tolerant of his willfulness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Genesis liked to think that, in Cloud’s shoes, he wouldn’t have broken. But Cloud hadn’t, not for years and years. He had lasted through discipline, through correction. It took someone deciding it was time to break him, and not letting up until he broke, for it to happen. Genesis thought that, maybe, Cloud wouldn’t have even been allowed out of the torture chambers until he had given in. And Genesis knew perfectly well that everyone had a limit. There was a point where everyone broke. There was a point where Genesis would have broken.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And, if Genesis broke, he would hope that someone could undo the damage later. That he could be treated kindly, given safe haven, guided back to himself in a place where it was safe to do so.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They could provide Cloud with that haven. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The ‘perfect omega’ act wouldn’t be forever. And if Genesis had to get rid of it, he had much work to do. It was time to roll up his sleeves and stop sulking over what was, in the end, Shinra’s fault, not Cloud’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Genesis said, after a lengthy pause. “Yes, I’ll help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth finally cracked, gracing them with his small, sincere smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You helped me,” he reminded. “You can help him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Genesis sighed and said, “I have the distinct feeling this will be more difficult.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It will,” Sephiroth admitted. “But you have more help than you did last time. And practice, doing just this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zack scooted over on the couch, and when he reached out to take Genesis’s hand, he was allowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Zack said, perfectly sincere. “Between all of us, I know we can help him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, well,” Genesis said, squeezing Zack’s hand but looking away. “Between what he’s feeling, what he told me today, and what Sephiroth explained, even I can’t hold his position against him. And if I want him to stop being so annoyingly perfect, I’ll have to help work on it, won’t I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Angeal smiled softly at Genesis, and they could all feel how proud he was in that moment. The feeling echoed through the others once Angeal had set it off, and Genesis did something he did rarely. He turned faintly pink in the cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He also let out a noise of disgust and got to his feet, pulling away from Zack to throw a pillow at Angeal before storming off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, it was more progress than they had expected to make. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They could let Genesis go to nurse his pride. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Cloud woke up exactly as he had fallen asleep: lying on his stomach on top of his blankets, his head cradled on his folded arms. He glanced over at the clock to see the time. 0342. He wasn’t used to sleeping very long, and had been asleep by 2000. Over 7 hours of sleep was a lot for him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He rolled over, lifting his arms above his head and arching his back, pointing his toes away to stretch his whole body. He gave one good yawn before sitting up and rubbing his eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was one plus side to all of this: a comfortable bed. With the hot water in the shower and large, delicious meals when he got them, he was living in luxury. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wanted to start his day, but there was nothing to get done. No Safeguards to help patch up, no early morning or late night clients. He looked around the room and tried to decide what to do. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He started by getting out of bed. He hopped to his feet and looked around, hands on his hips, trying to decide what to do. He didn’t have many tasks available to him, so he did what he could. He showered, and decided to linger in the shower. It was much too early for anyone else to be awake. There was plenty of time for more water to get hot if he drained it. But, somehow, the hot water just never seemed to run out. He wondered if this was some sort of luxury the Firsts had been granted. Cloud for one wasn't about to complain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he stepped out of the shower, he smiled down at his faintly pink skin. That hadn’t happened in a long time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud was in a good mood, for once. A fantastic meal, as much sleep as he wanted, and a long, hot shower. Things he hadn’t had in years. He had long since learned to find joy in the little things, but these things were not little, not to him. He had no idea if they would be revoked, so he intended to savor them while they lasted. At any moment his shower time could be limited, or his meals returned to what they were, or alarms and strict bedtimes added. He knew perfectly well that these luxuries were gifts given, and he would not take them for granted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So he took his time getting ready for the day, savoring the warmth lingering in his skin. He dressed in a skirt and blouse that day and put on delicate and tasteful makeup. He decided to spend more time on his hair, doing it more in a traditional Nibel style. He understood that there were limits, that a head full of complex braids wasn’t always appreciated here. But he usually got away with braiding the long, loose portion as fancifully as he wanted. He took his time weaving it together, humming softly to himself. It was a good morning. A fine morning. He knew how to cherish those, rare as they were. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, he wasn’t expecting the knock on the door. He glanced to the clock. 0414. Sephiroth was on the other side, he could tell. Cloud got to his feet, still braiding his hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come in,” he called, knowing now that Sephiroth would wait for it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth entered, closing the door softly behind him. He looked at Cloud curiously. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re in a good mood,” he said, tone tentative. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked, but smiled pleasantly, meaning it more than usual. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am. Can I help you with something?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have good news. I’m up, so I didn’t see a reason to wait any longer.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked at Sephiroth. He nodded slowly, fingers still going without him looking. The motions were long-since familiar. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” was all Cloud offered. He would accept what he was given, as always. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Genesis has come around,” Sephiroth said. “You’re allowed out of your room.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s jaw dropped. His fingers went slack, and he nearly lost the weave. He tied it off absently before his work was undone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because this </span>
  <em>
    <span>did not</span>
  </em>
  <span> happen. Freedoms were taken, never returned—that was the way of things. They had said, over and over, that it was only until Genesis changed his mind, and they had seemed certain he would. But Cloud had not believed them. That wasn’t how things </span>
  <em>
    <span>worked</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and the only times Cloud had interacted with the man, he seemed furious. He had no idea why, or how, his mind had changed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud let his hands fall to his sides. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re—you’re serious?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Completely. Zack showed you around, did he not?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He did,” Cloud said, his mind still far away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What did this mean, about the Firsts? Could he actually believe them when they made promises? Were they trying to be kind? Could he depend upon the small luxuries he had been cherishing so dearly? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Would they not hurt him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Would they really not send him for reconditioning?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was getting ahead of himself. Maybe there was a sensible reason. Maybe they didn’t want to be responsible for feeding him—he wouldn’t take anything until he was told, but he could get it himself, this way. Maybe they wanted to be able to use the room for something else. It wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>his</span>
  </em>
  <span> room, after all, no matter how often they said it. It was simply a room he was kept in. It didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>belong </span>
  </em>
  <span>to him. He knew that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth looked at him knowingly and stepped to the side, holding the door open. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would you like to come out, then?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed. It hadn’t even been two full days he was in that room. It felt both like so much longer and no time at all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud hesitantly stepped past Sephiroth, his bare feet padding on the hardwood floor. He looked around in the hallway, almost expecting someone to be out there. He half expected it to be a trap, a test, and he would be beaten for daring. He half expected that his chip had been reprogrammed and he would just drop. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Neither happened. The hallway was empty, and he stayed on his feet. His hand drifted up to touch the small lump under his skin that he knew was the chip as he swallowed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would you like to explore on your own?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s head whipped around to look at Sephiroth with wide eyes. He couldn’t be serious. This wasn’t the Safeguard floor, where he was free to roam. This was their </span>
  <em>
    <span>home</span>
  </em>
  <span>, their </span>
  <em>
    <span>den</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It was sacred space for a pack. He was being allowed to </span>
  <em>
    <span>wander</span>
  </em>
  <span>, unaccompanied? To simply go where he wished?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s heart swelled, and he tried to fight the feeling. This couldn’t be serious. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you… are you sure?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can go where you like. You know your limitations, and what lines not to cross. I don’t see the harm.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud did. He could snoop through all their things. Violate their privacy. He could find </span>
  <em>
    <span>weapons</span>
  </em>
  <span>, from butter knives to kitchen knives to gods knew what else the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Firsts</span>
  </em>
  <span> kept lying around. He wouldn’t dare to hurt them, but how could they know that? They were kind enough, so he had no desire to hurt them. He also knew perfectly well what would happen if he did, and had no intention of earning such a thing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He</span>
  </em>
  <span> knew he wouldn’t harm anyone—how could they? It wasn’t like anyone trusted a </span>
  <em>
    <span>Safeguard. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I—if you’re sure,” Cloud said, hesitant. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth nodded, a soft look of understanding on his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I very much am. Feel free. Please just leave the others to sleep; you’ll be able to feel where they are to avoid the room. You’re welcome everywhere else.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With that, Sephiroth turned and walked away, leaving Cloud to his own devices. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud watched him walk away until he turned a corner, out of sight. He bit his lip, looking the other way down the hall. He couldn’t believe he was being allowed this, but Sephiroth had been clear. He had been certain. So Cloud would have to be too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He turned and walked down the hall. He began investigating every room. He went into living spaces, investigating catch-all’s on end tables and junk drawers. He walked around couches and chairs, feeling how soft the fabric, the buttery leather, the cushions were. He looked up at the television mounted on the wall, but didn’t dare turn it on—such things were forbidden to Safeguards. He looked at the spines of books on the bookshelf, uncomprehending of the titles. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wandered through bathrooms, looking in cabinets and under sinks. He glanced in linen closets. He looked at the knick-knacks on office desks and the maps on the walls. He wondered at the choices of sheets and blankets on the beds. He clicked on lamps just to see the light filter through the shade. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He lost track of time. He was fascinated by everything he saw. It was also so </span>
  <em>
    <span>expensive. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It was so clearly chosen for personal reasons. The whole place was carefully curated to make it a home for these four men in particular. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And now he was intruding. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud paused. He carefully set down the coaster he had been examining. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was not a part of this pack. This den wasn’t crafted with him in mind. No place would ever bear the personal touches to make it </span>
  <em>
    <span>his</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He was just an interloper. An unwanted addition. An uninvited third party, forced among their ranks. They didn’t want him. They likely never would. It seemed they had decided they would tolerate him, but that was the most he could hope for. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked down at his toes. He’d let the unexpected freedom run away with him. He was forgetting himself, his place. It was important he remember that—it was vital. He couldn’t let a few kindnesses trick him into overstepping. He had to be careful, he had to be on his guard, always. He pulled his braid over his shoulder, running his palm along it to feel the comforting familiarity of the weave. He sighed and closed his eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You stopped.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud dropped his braid and whipped around, his heart racing. He hadn’t felt anyone creep up on him, but he still wasn’t used to keeping tabs on people through the bonds. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was shocked to see it was Genesis in the doorway, leaning against the frame, his arms folded and one ankle crossed over the other. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m—I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whatever for?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked. He didn’t even know. He said it on instinct, as a precaution. He swallowed hard and looked to the side, not having an explanation to offer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis clicked his tongue and stepped forward, crowding closer and closer. Cloud shrunk in on himself, ducking his head and curling his shoulders. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis sighed, but it didn’t even sound impatient. He hooked a finger beneath Cloud’s chin to lift it. Cloud looked up at him, fighting to keep the confusion off his face, to keep his expression pleasant. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis brushed the back of his fingers over Cloud’s cheek before dropping his hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I owe you an apology,” Genesis started, and Cloud couldn’t help how his eyes widened. “My behavior was out of line. I was blaming you for things that were not your fault.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>baffled</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Genesis was apologizing? To </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>? He had explained, but Cloud still didn’t understand why. Because, yes, Cloud had not chosen this. But he </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> here. He was causing problems with his presence. He was an unwanted interloper. Genesis had every reason to hate him. He was glad he seemed to have stopped, but he still didn’t understand the apology. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That isn’t necessary,” Cloud said readily. “You’ve done nothing wrong.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis’s eyes roved his face, taking in every microexpression. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t tell if you really believe that, or are saying so to keep yourself out of perceived trouble. I think the former, by your confusion. That will be more difficult to handle.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Handle?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My dear, we are going to break you out of your shell. No more ‘perfect omega’ act.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed nervously, his anxiety spiking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because that sounded </span>
  <em>
    <span>dangerous</span>
  </em>
  <span>. That was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>terrible</span>
  </em>
  <span> idea. What was this, reverse reconditioning? Still conditioning, in its own way. Being molded into what they wanted, even if it went contrary to what the rest of the world wanted for Cloud. What if they returned him to who he used to be? That person had been </span>
  <em>
    <span>trouble. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He remembered the constant beatings well, the discipline and correction. It hadn’t been as bad as reconditioning, but it was bad enough. He hadn’t been disciplined since he’d been through reconditioning. This whole idea spelled trouble. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That isn’t necessary.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I disagree.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud licked his lips. He needed to make Genesis understand somehow, how dangerous this would be. Did he just not care? That must be it. He was to be what they wanted for however long they had him, and if he ever left, it didn’t matter to Genesis what trouble he got into. But what if he acted out while in their care but toward other people? Would they protect him? He doubted it. He would just have to keep his mask available—only, while being conditioned, he knew how impossible that was. Unless their methods were different. Would they be?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Will this be like reconditioning, then?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis’s face fell. He brushed the hair out of Cloud’s face with a sad expression. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It will not. My methods are not so crude.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Methods?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve done this once before, you see—Angeal and I. Gotten someone who Shinra claimed to be property to come into personhood. To claim some individuality. We’ll do the same for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed. That spelled trouble. He wasn’t a person, and he couldn’t be an individual. It wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>safe. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It was how he would get sent back to reconditioning. It guaranteed it—that was what the process was created for. To stamp those things out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you want to do this to me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For you. And yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We will show you that you are </span>
  <em>
    <span>safe</span>
  </em>
  <span> here. That we want to see who </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> are, beneath what you were taught. When we finally convince you of that, I expect you will do the rest yourself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked skeptical. He knew perfectly well he was not safe here. That it was not safe for him to be anything but what he was taught to be. He didn’t think that damage would ever come undone, but he was nervous for the off-chance Genesis’s plan succeeded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I see.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t seem excited.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course he wasn’t. This was a dangerous, troublesome, very, very bad idea. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am glad to do whatever will please you,” was what Cloud said instead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis grinned back at him, and it was a wild, feral, knife-edged thing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Excellent,” he said. “I love a challenge.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Did he hear what Cloud hadn’t been saying? Was he reading it in his hesitant emotions? Why did he seem </span>
  <em>
    <span>excited </span>
  </em>
  <span>at the prospect of Cloud resisting this process? Was it secretly just like reconditioning, and he was excited for an excuse to be violent?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A faint crease in Cloud’s brow was all he allowed to come through. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before Cloud could say anything else, Genesis grabbed his hand and said, “Come along. I know you haven’t eaten yet. Sephiroth said you were up before he even went to bed. Do you have any idea how long you’ve been wandering? You are past due for a meal.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked at him, letting Genesis lead him back through the den toward the kitchen. Cloud had gotten entirely turned around in the new environment, having no idea where they were or how far from the room he’d been in, much less the kitchen. But it turned out they were close, and reached the kitchen easily. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sit,” Genesis said, Cloud immediately going to obey as Genesis breezed through the kitchen. “What would you like? I’m no Angeal in the kitchen, but I’m passable.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s brow furrowed. He felt a flicker of hope, that maybe this meal might be like the last, but found that hope dashed by the last comment. He straightened his skirt as he sat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I will eat whatever you are kind enough to offer me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis glanced at him before turning and folding his arms over his chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, then we’ll do this the hard way,” he said, and Cloud’s stomach plummeted with dread. Genesis clearly noticed, by the way he raised his eyebrow. “Savory or sweet?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked. He wasn’t allowed sweet things. He hadn’t been since he got here. He was lucky to be allowed the occasional serving of canned fruit—and he didn’t talk about his contraband chocolates. His brow furrowed faintly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sweet things are not allowed in my diet.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I believe Angeal already explained that we control your diet now, and I’m offering. Savory or sweet?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked. He fought the urge to narrow his eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Savory,” he said, because he was supposed to. He needed to maintain his diet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis squinted at him. He tapped his fingers on his folded arms in thought, examining everything about Cloud. He didn’t know what he was looking for. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sweet it is,” Genesis said </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How about pancakes? Those are simple enough.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud fought down his frustration and hope alike. He hadn’t had pancakes since he’d been a boy. He wanted them dearly, covered in butter and syrup like he remembered, but that was </span>
  <em>
    <span>dangerously</span>
  </em>
  <span> out of line. His dietician would kill him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That isn’t what I—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, because you are </span>
  <em>
    <span>lying</span>
  </em>
  <span> to me, which I don’t appreciate.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s jaw closed with a clack. He sat bolt upright, watching Genesis closely for any hint that he might hit him for it. Genesis tilted his head, looking curious but unruffled. It didn’t fit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s nothing to be afraid of. You don’t have to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>pleasing</span>
  </em>
  <span> all the time. If you want to lie, fine. I will just work around it. I won’t punish you for it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Which was just a </span>
  <em>
    <span>bizarre</span>
  </em>
  <span> stance. Because Cloud </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>have to be pleasing at all times. If he wasn’t, Genesis </span>
  <em>
    <span>should </span>
  </em>
  <span>punish him. That was the way of things. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud watched him, his expression even and pleasant, even as he felt an ever growing suspicion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis sighed as he turned away, but still didn’t seem frustrated. He simply went about preparing pancakes, no matter what Cloud had said. Cloud watched, unsure if he should continue protesting. Genesis had made it clear that he was going to listen to what Cloud wasn’t saying, instead of what came out of his mouth, which meant it would be a waste of breath. He thought maybe he should try anyway, just to be able to say he did, but he didn’t particularly want to try Genesis’s patience. Not when he was being so much </span>
  <em>
    <span>nicer</span>
  </em>
  <span> than last time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis eventually set a plate in front of Cloud. Before Cloud could say anything, he promptly drenched it in syrup, much to Cloud’s horror and delight. His jaw dropped as he watched Genesis drown the pancakes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh, his dietician would have his </span>
  <em>
    <span>head</span>
  </em>
  <span> for this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, Genesis looked triumphant as he set the bottle to the side. He then handed Cloud a fork with a smirk on his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go on, then.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud fought the urge to look suspicious as he slowly took the fork from Genesis. He kept flicking his eyes back up to Genesis as he cut a section free, waiting for the plate to be yanked from him. He speared the bite and then, after a pause, quickly shoved it in his mouth before Genesis could change his mind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s eyes fluttered shut, an expression of bliss crossing his face. He remembered himself enough not to </span>
  <em>
    <span>moan</span>
  </em>
  <span> this time, but it was a near thing as he chewed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Cloud finally opened his eyes again, it was to see Genesis watching him with an almost ferocious intensity. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, it will be </span>
  <em>
    <span>addicting</span>
  </em>
  <span> to spoil you,” Genesis said, his voice low. “I didn’t expect that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud didn’t expect that either. He wasn’t sure what on Gaia Genesis meant by ‘spoiling,’ only that it couldn’t be the way one spoils a child. That made no sense. No one wanted to give Cloud the bare minimum, much less excess. Cloud felt his brow just barely furrow in his confusion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nevermind, precious.” What was </span>
  <em>
    <span>with</span>
  </em>
  <span> Genesis and the pet names? “Eat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked at Genesis for a moment longer before deciding it wasn’t worth it. There were </span>
  <em>
    <span>pancakes. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Genesis was deciding to be generous, and Cloud was not about to squander his good will. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The meal was simpler than the night before, but no less cherished. Cloud similarly didn’t make it through the plate, but only let a hint of the mournfulness come out in his expression. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Done?” Genesis asked, raising an eyebrow with an amused expression. He’d been watching the whole time, and saw it when Cloud nodded. “Then let’s leave the mess for someone else. Come on.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis led Cloud back to the room, and he found he was only a little sad to see it again. They might change their minds a second time, and choose to lock him back inside. But for now, it seemed he had some freedom. He didn’t mind the room the way he had when he was confined. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis led him inside and over to the bed. When Cloud got on it and immediately laid on his back, expecting Genesis to crawl on top of him, the way most people did when showing him to a bedroom and following him inside, he thought nothing of it. Genesis didn’t seem to think much of it either, but he didn’t do what Cloud expected. He sat upright at his side, propped against the headboard, crossing his legs at the ankle. Cloud popped up on his elbows to look at Genesis, confused. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead of answering, Genesis pulled a book from his jacket and said, “Tell me, Cloud. Do you know Loveless?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t read.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t ask if you had read Loveless. I asked if you know it. Seen it performed, had it read to you, maybe?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not familiar.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>excellent</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Genesis said, fervent enough that Cloud believed he wasn’t sarcastic. “I love being someone’s first time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looked down to wink at Cloud, who blinked evenly back up at him. He understood the double entendre, but clearly Genesis had to know he’d be Cloud’s first in only the Loveless arena. He seemed undeterred by this knowledge as he opened the book. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He began reading, his voice melodious and strong. He read each part in a different voice, his acting well-rehearsed and well-performed. Cloud found himself sucked in. It wasn’t long before he was sitting cross-legged, his skirt draped carefully over his lap, his hands holding his skirt anxiously through the tense scenes. He was leaning toward Genesis, enraptured. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was the closest Cloud had come to a proper </span>
  <em>
    <span>story</span>
  </em>
  <span> since leaving his mother. The Safeguards told each other tales, such as they knew them, but there were no actors so talented as Genesis. Oftentimes, the Safeguards didn’t have the energy for even half-hearted storytelling. This was a rare, rare treat for Cloud. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud didn’t know how much time had passed by the time it was over. All he knew was that, the second Genesis was finished, Cloud was aching to ask him to read it again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead of doing so, he said, “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis looked at him with a smile and said, “You were a lovely audience. Not everyone is so appreciative.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know why,” Cloud said easily and honestly. “That was amazing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> were amazing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis smiled and tucked Cloud’s hair behind his ear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I like you best when you’re sincere.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed, unsure if Genesis would be angry that he wasn’t always sincere. But Genesis just swept to his feet and to the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Unfortunately,” he said as he went, “I have work to get done. I’m sure someone else will be by when they’re free. Remember; you are no longer bound to this room.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis paused at the door, waiting for a nod before he said, “Goodbye, Cloud.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He whirled his way out of the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud found himself… strangely cold, in his absence. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Cloud was starting to notice a pattern. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Firsts, it seemed, did not want him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He knew that in general, of course. It had been made plenty clear that he was an unwanted addition to their household. And he hadn’t thought very much of the distance at first for that reason. Some people mixed the beatings with the sex, but not all. Some wanted one or the other. Cloud kept expecting the former, and it wasn’t until that threat seemed to be dwindling that he started to grow confused. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They didn’t want to hit him. For all of Genesis’s small flirts, none of them seemed to want to fuck him either. It hadn’t clicked at the time. He had laid down and expected Genesis to climb atop him. Genesis hadn’t, and had distracted Cloud with Loveless. It wasn’t until he was lying in bed after, trying to figure out what had happened, that it all made sense to Cloud. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On the one hand, it was refreshing. No one had looked at him with lust once, not even during the bond-bites when there was certainly pleasure involved. It was sort of nice, not to be reduced to a piece of meat for once. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>More than it was refreshing, it was deeply alarming. Cloud had always been on thin ice here, but it had just gotten thinner. Cloud had signed the contract, his chip had been reprogrammed, he’d been </span>
  <em>
    <span>bonded</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but he was under no illusions that this </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be permanent. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Firsts were saddled with him. Neither party wanted this. But the Firsts had status, had standing. If they could pin the blame on Cloud properly enough, Shinra would yield. Cloud would pay the price for his failure, but the Firsts would be rid of him. All they had to do was convince Shinra that, whatever ‘reason’ Cloud had been given to him, he couldn’t do it. Cloud wasn’t sure of the reason, exactly, but he knew it had to do with sex. What else could it be, after all?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had to convince them to want him, somehow. If he got sent back to the Safeguard Department, he was in for hell. He’d be punished for his failure. He might be reconditioned and sent back to try again. He might be reconditioned for the fun of it before being sent back to the Department. He didn’t know what, exactly, he would be in for, only that it would be bad. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So he didn’t go about exploring anymore. He stayed in the room and tried to figure out how to make them want him. He had to do his job, after all. He’s gotten so wrapped up in his predicament that he had forgotten to work. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So he got up. He undid his hair, letting it fall around him in loose waves from the braids. He went through his drawers and pulled out some lingerie in a soft pink, with lace flowers covering the chest and falling down his sides. It hooked onto his garter belt, holding up white stockings, and the panties he pulled on over top had the same flower motif. Soft and sweet. Something purely omega. It was a set he had gotten enthusiastic responses to in the past. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then he sat there and waited, one leg crossed over the other at the knee, his hands behind him on the bed to both support him and arch his back. He sat, anxious about the situation, and afraid of what might happen if he failed. And he waited. And waited. And waited, until finally, someone came looking for him. While he was paying attention, Cloud could feel Zack approaching. He made sure he was carefully posed, his hair draping down his front but not enough to hide anything fully, only to tease. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack walked into the room, saying, “Hey, sorry I haven’t been around, I’ve been a little… busy…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud got to his feet, letting his hips sway as he approached Zack. Zack tried to back up, but bumped into the door. It swung shut behind him, and he kept backing up until his back was pressed to the door. Cloud approached and pressed himself along Zack’s front, looping his arms around his neck. He hooked one around Zack’s, sliding his foot up the inside of Zack’s leg. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack was, strangely, blushing. He tried to lean as far away as he could get, clearly having no idea what to do with his hands. He ended up holding them up and out of the way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?” Zack whispered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud used his grip around Zack’s neck to tug him down, leaning up to meet him in the middle. When he spoke, their lips brushed together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is it so wrong to want you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked. That wasn’t a usual part of the script. But he could work with it. He made his eyes burn, flicking down to Zack’s mouth. He licked his lips deliberately. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course I do. Who wouldn’t?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If this is what you were planning, why did you feel afraid before I got in here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s stomach plummeted. He tried hard not to think about it, before the feeling lingered and Zack could be sure of what he was feeling. These bonds were going to be the death of him. How was he supposed to work like this?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Even I can get first-time jitters.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, see, those weren’t ‘jitters,’” Zack said, reaching up and peeling Cloud’s arms away, his hands around his wrists. “That was </span>
  <em>
    <span>fear</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It’s why I rushed home, because I know everyone else is busy, and I didn’t want you alone and afraid.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed. He let Zack hold their hands between them like a shield. He unhooked his leg from around Zack’s. But he couldn’t give up, it was too important that he get this to work. It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>crucial. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He felt a little thrill of fear run through him at the idea of failure. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not afraid,” Cloud lied. “Just nervous.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why are you lying?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud twisted his wrists to break free of the loose hold. He tried to run his hands down Zack’s chest, but his hands were quickly pulled away again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not </span>
  <em>
    <span>lying</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Cloud said, lying through his teeth again. “It’s really just nerves. I want this to work. I want </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack looked at him thoughtfully. That look was all wrong. It should blaze, it should </span>
  <em>
    <span>burn</span>
  </em>
  <span>. But there wasn’t even the faintest trace of heat. Just curiosity. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You ‘want this to work.’ Are you sure that doesn’t really mean that you’re afraid of what will happen if it doesn’t?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud felt another zip of fear. His stupid fucking mouth, being too honest again. He should have chosen his words better. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He put on a desperate look, biting his bottom lip and tilting his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not afraid. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Please</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I just want you so badly.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s stomach suddenly felt full of ice. He leaned away just a hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not when you feel coerced.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud put on his best pout, but his pulse was hammering in his ears. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t feel coerced. Is it so hard to believe that I want you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kind of, yeah. You’re terrified still, and even if you weren’t, after everything you’ve been through, can you consent?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked. What the hell kind of angle was that? Who </span>
  <em>
    <span>cared</span>
  </em>
  <span> if he consented? He would play along, and act more than willing. He’d be as enthusiastic as he needed to be. Would it be out of fear for his safety? Yes. But he’d much rather sleep with Zack than go through another round of reconditioning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So he tried again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can. I do. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>want this</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Zack, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You want to be safe,” Zack corrected gently. “There’s nothing wrong with that. But until you believe that you’re safe here, whether or not you sleep with anyone, I for one will not be taking you to bed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud deflated. That was firm, and strict, and nothing that would ever happen. He’d never feel safe, he knew that—because he </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> safe. He never would be in Shinra’s tender care. He sighed and stepped back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t suppose I’d be able to persuade you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud stepped away, going to grab his short, blue silk robe and putting it on. He tied it at the waist, and Zack finally stepped away from the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I help you with something, then?” Cloud said, careful to keep his expression pleasant despite the hopelessness building in his chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you have to act all the time? You know I can feel what you feel.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud flinched. He looked to the side. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I prefer to present myself to the best of my ability.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you’re scared of what will happen if you don’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud silently cursed how perceptive Zack was. He was going to undermine Cloud’s every attempt at this rate. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There might be something wrong with our bond, if my nervousness feels like fear on your end.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know what a healthy bond feels like, Cloud. There’s nothing wrong with ours.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud nervously pulled his hair over his shoulder to drape down his front. One more thing to hide behind, another layer of safety, something else between him and Zack. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud kept silent. Zack was refuting his every attempt to play his part. What was he supposed to </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> with that? They all seemed so determined to tear his shield from him, the one thing that kept him safe. Was this part of Genesis’s scheme to revert him to who he was?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He heard Zack sigh, but didn’t look over. He laced his fingers together and pressed them to his waist. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack walked over and carefully took Cloud’s folded hands when he was close enough. He cradled them in his larger ones, looking down at them softly when Cloud glanced up at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know things can’t change overnight. You’ve been taught, for years and with hard methods, that this is how you stay safe. I get that. Hopefully, with some time, you’ll see that things are different, here. That you don’t have to act, and you don’t have to sleep with anyone you don’t want to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked at Zack consideringly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So your plan is to all refuse to sleep with me until this point has been made.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pretty much, yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then what is the plan for my heat?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your… heat? Aren’t you on suppressants?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked at him curiously. They really had no idea what went into being a Safeguard. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. We take accelerants.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Accelerants?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They make our heats longer and more frequent. One week every month.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How have you not had a thousand pups then?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They put something in our wombs to stop us getting pregnant. I don’t know how it works, but it does.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack rubbed his brow and said, “Okay. Okay well first things first, we’re taking you off the accelerants.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked at him, but nodded slowly. That wouldn’t be so bad. He hated the accelerants anyway. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then we’ll… we’ll have to figure out what to do for your heat,” Zack said, mostly to himself. “We can’t let you spend it alone, I don’t want you to suffer, and the whole place will smell like pheromones anyway—it’s not like we’ll be able to stay away. But I don’t want to do that to you, not when you can’t consent yet.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Zack, it’s nothing to worry about,” Cloud reassured. “It isn’t ‘doing something to me.’ I’m happy to spend my heat with you all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack looked at him in exasperation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re too afraid to say anything else.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Okay, true, but not the point. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you don’t believe me, will you believe that I don’t want to spend my heat alone?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud hadn’t spent a heat alone in </span>
  <em>
    <span>years</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but he remembered the pain. He had no interest in reliving it. Besides, if his heat had the added benefit of getting the Firsts in his bed, so much the better. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack looked conflicted, but nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I believe that. But there are other options. Knotted dildos are supposed to help, maybe that would work?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s stomach sank. He didn’t trust plastic to make a heat bearable. He doubted anything short of an actual alpha would be able to help. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack sighed and said, “Okay, so that’s a no.” Gaia damn his transparent emotions, but maybe, just this once, they were helpful. Anything to talk Zack out of this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, Cloud lowered his eyes respectfully and said, “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What for? It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>your</span>
  </em>
  <span> heat. We won’t make you do anything you don’t want for it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked up, the faintest furrow in his brow. Because, if they didn’t want to spend it with him, he shouldn’t force them. They weren’t Safeguards, accustomed to unwilling fucking. It would likely feel violating to them, to be roped into it against their will. As much as he wanted them in his bed for his safety, he didn’t want to strong-arm them into it. They would hold that against him, no matter what pretty words they said about it. It would work against him in the long run. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t want you to participate if you’re uninterested.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack looked at him, baffled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that what you think? That we’re uninterested?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked back at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes? You didn’t want this arrangement. You’ve refused me. You say you won’t take me to bed until I can ‘consent.’”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack only looked more bewildered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t make you unattractive. That just means we won’t rape you like everyone else seems to have.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud couldn’t fight the way he bristled as he looked away, withdrawing his hands. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>hated</span>
  </em>
  <span> the r-word. He knew it applied, he understood what was happening perfectly well, but after reconditioning, he’d had to distance himself from the word. He felt too complicit in what was happening now. Being party it all disgusted Cloud, but he didn’t have a choice. He just could no longer face the reality of what was happening without his stomach turning, sick with guilt for the part he played in it all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud folded his arms over his chest, trying to build a barrier between him and Zack with his arms and his hair. It was flimsy, but it was what he had. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he didn’t answer, Zack blew out a hard breath and ruffled his hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look,” Zack tried, “we just want to do right by you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If you wanted to do right by me, you’d fuck me and get it over with</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Cloud thought, his eyes cutting back to Zack. His posture didn’t relax. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he forced the pleasantness back onto his face to say, “You do right by me already.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If we do, then part of it is </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>taking you to bed. We don’t want to be like the rest of Shinra.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud couldn’t help, in that moment, wishing that they were. Shinra was the devil he knew. He understood what to expect, and where he stood. There was none of this questioning, this uncertainty. He could prepare himself for the horrors he knew because they were familiar, and if there was anything Cloud knew, it was that people could get accustomed to anything. He had found his normal. The Firsts seemed determined to up-end it, and scatter his expectations. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t,” Cloud agreed, the frustration burning in his chest despite his sweet expression. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack seemed determined to address what he wasn’t saying, his brow furrowing as he said, “Why does that bother you? That’s a </span>
  <em>
    <span>good </span>
  </em>
  <span>thing. Shinra treats you like shit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How could he ever hope to explain it to someone free? That there was safety, security in familiarity. It was terrible, but it was also comfortable. He knew how to live as a Safeguard, the rules to play by. All of that went out the window here. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shinra provides for me,” Cloud said, the same script he’d recited a thousand times. “I am deeply grateful to the company.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shinra feeds and houses you, yeah, in exchange for beating and raping you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud flinched as if he’d been struck, immediately looking away. It was one of the things every Safeguard knew: you never acknowledged what happened, not to yourself, not to anyone. He used to do that, used to bring up the truth to everyone, and people had hated him for it. They had largely been glad when he came back from reconditioning different. He understood, now, why. The sickening guilt that came when you weren’t actively fighting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud wrapped his arms around his waist, clutching at his robe to draw it closer. He knew he had gone pale. He couldn’t keep the pretty expression on his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why do you do that?” Zack said softly. “Every time I say—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Cloud begged, finally breaking. “Please don’t say it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a long pause. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>This</span>
  </em>
  <span> is the first thing you dare to ask for?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed, feeling the panic overtake the guilt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no, I didn’t mean it like that. You can ask for whatever you like. I was just… surprised.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked down this time, pulling his robe tighter to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Cloud said, softer this time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack blew out a hard breath. Cloud could smell his protectiveness on the air, his urge to comfort Cloud. He was an omega in clear distress. These were instincts Cloud was forbidden from setting off. He sighed, feeling hopeless. He was doing nothing but fucking up today. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fucking this up,” Zack surprised him by saying. “I’m—I’m gonna go. We can try again another day.” Cloud didn’t know how to respond, so he didn’t. Zack paused halfway out the door to say, “I won’t say it again. I’ll tell the others not to, either.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before Cloud could figure out what to say, Zack was out the door. Cloud sat on the edge of the bed and flopped back, covering his face with his hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Why couldn’t he do anything right here?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>———————</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seph, I have a question.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth looked up from the laptop in his office to see Zack hovering in the doorway. He could feel his nervous hesitancy. He sent back soothing calmness as he closed the laptop. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then ask it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack came and sat in the chair across from Sephiroth. He looked at his hands in his lap. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You seem to get Cloud.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“To some degree.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He finally asked me for something.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh? What did he ask for?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He asked me not to say he was raped. Why would he say that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth hummed in understanding, folding his hands on the desk. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ve seen his act. The way he presents exactly what Shinra wants, follows Shinra’s rules.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So he feels like a participant. He feels complicit. If he is not actively refusing, can he claim he was raped?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yes</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course. We understand that. It is easier to grasp, from an outside perspective. It took me years to understand that I was not complicit in my treatment just because I did what was necessary to survive. It will take him time to understand the same.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack sighed, ruffling his hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That explains his guilt.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was wondering what you had said to him, to make him feel how he did.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I put my damn foot in my mouth again. I thought there’d be some comfort in acknowledging that what’s been happening is wrong.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was a sensible train of thought, and I expect that before his reconditioning, he would have appreciated it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I feel like I’m walking on eggshells with him. It’s a godsdamn minefield in there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If it helps at all, I expect he also feels that way. We are not what he is accustomed to. He is expecting us to act like the rest of Shinra. It will take time to convince him that we won’t treat him the same way.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack hung his head and sighed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He just breaks my heart. He’s trying so damn hard, and hurting so damn </span>
  <em>
    <span>much</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It’s not fair.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Life is not fair. He knows this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack looked up with his infamous puppy-dog eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hate this, Seph. I don’t know how to reach him. I can usually reach anyone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are accustomed to dealing with people who see themselves as people. He sees himself as property. He must be handled with rules you’ve yet to learn.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then maybe you should be the one to talk to him about his heat. You seem to get it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“His heat?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He still has them. He’s been on accelerants. D’you know they made those?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes. That will make things difficult. We will stop them, but his heat will come fast. I expect he was sent to us with his heat encroaching.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? Why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shinra wants him in our bed. He can’t leave the den. Either you, Angeal, and I are absent from home for it, or we participate. It’s a tactically sound way to force us all together.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack groaned, dropping his forehead into his palm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He was more worried that we were ‘uninterested’ than about being interested himself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He is accustomed to unwanted sex. He likely does not want the pain of spending his heat alone. Us participating is his best solution.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then why didn’t he ask for it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth hummed in thought before slowly saying, “If we were ‘uninterested’ and forced into his bed by hormones, we could, in theory, hold it against him. We wouldn’t, I know—but he does not.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s safety,” Zack said, understanding now. “It always comes back to safety.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You must understand, Zack, that he has spent years in constant fear for his safety. He does not take for granted that we do not mistreat him. He is keenly aware of our kindness, because he is constantly waiting for when it ends. He does not see his safety as a right, but a privilege, that might be revoked at any time, should he step out of line.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack slumped back in his chair, folding his arms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s shit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s how he understands life. All we can do is work with him until he understands differently.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack sighed and grumbled, “Easier said than done.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth opened his laptop again and said, “Even you know how to be patient when it matters. Now is one such time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know. I just don’t have to like it.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Cloud was tired. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was dangerous for him to be tired, he knew. His shields got lower. His mask got weaker. He was more likely to make mistakes that he couldn’t afford. Knowing this, it was unwise to leave the room they put him in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he kept smelling Zack on the air, the lingering hint of protective pheromones, and he just had to be somewhere else. He’d made too many mistakes with Zack. He’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>failed</span>
  </em>
  <span>, spectacularly, at his only job. Zack said he wasn’t uninterested, but he hadn’t looked at Cloud with want </span>
  <em>
    <span>once</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud just needed to be somewhere else. He told himself it would only be for a bit. He’d use the bond to be sure no one saw him, and would be back in the room before anyone realized he’d been missing. He was the only one in the den at the moment anyway. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud knew exactly where he wanted to go. There was a room with a window that had a wide sill, with potted plants lining it. Cloud hadn’t seen live plants in </span>
  <em>
    <span>ages. </span>
  </em>
  <span>They were in varying states of slow death—Midgar was famous for killing plants—but they were alive for now. Mostly. And a </span>
  <em>
    <span>window. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud didn’t bother dressing again. He planned on avoiding everyone anyway, and besides, it wasn’t like being scantily clad bothered him anymore. The robe was enough. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He double-checked the bonds to be sure everyone was out, and then sneaked his way to the room. There was a sofa just beneath the sill with the plants, letting the light stream in. Cloud sighed, looking alternately at the plants and out of the window. He hadn’t seen outside since he walked out the front door of the Tower. On the Safeguard floor itself, the rooms around the perimeter that allowed sunlight were given to the support staff: the dieticians and the trainers. People responsible for the Safeguards, but not actual Safeguards themselves. Actual people, worthy of the privilege. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The exhaustion crept up on Cloud the longer he sat there, curled as tight into the corner of the couch as he could get. He folded his arms on the back of the couch and pillowed his head on them. The sun felt amazingly warm against his skin. Had it always felt like that? He didn’t know why people ever left the sunshine if it did. It was just so damn comfortable. He watched the green of the plants play against the soft white and blue of the sky dotted with his namesake. He could almost imagine the wind on his skin, in his hair. Seeing how high up he was made his heart ache for the mountains. He remembered being a boy, climbing up far higher than he was allowed to, and shouting into the wind just because he could. He remembered laughing so hard he almost fell off the rock he’d been perched on. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gods, but it’d been years since he’d actually felt homesick. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was bittersweet. It hurt, knowing he couldn’t go back, that even the small pleasures like shouting into the wind were lost to him. But the nostalgia helped. He held the fond memories close, like cold hands around a hot mug, as if they would keep him safe. At the very least, they could keep him calm. It was easier to remember the wind in his hair and the sun glinting off the snow so sharply it hurt his eyes than remember how poorly he’d done with Zack. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He fought his eyes drifting closed, wanting to stare at the plants and out the window as long as he could. But he couldn’t stop his eyes from at least drooping. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For now, for a moment, he felt safe. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cloud?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It all shattered in a heartbeat, like a pane of glass with a rock out through it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He bolted upright, whipping his head around to see Angeal standing in the doorway, a watering can in hand. His heart was pounding. His drooping eyelids were now pinned wide. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I—“ Cloud started, scrambling to get up. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—I’m so sorry—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud paused in the process of trying to cover as much skin with his robe as he could. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For the window.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The window? What about it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not allowed to see outside. I’m so sorry, I—I—I have no excuse.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Angeal said, holding his hands up, his voice rumbling soothingly at the edges. Cloud couldn’t fight how it calmed him—no one had ever done that for him. “It’s okay. I’m not mad. You can come here any time you’d like.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud was too tired to fight how his brow furrowed. Without Angeal speaking, without that hint of rumble, his nerves began to ramp up again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But I—the window—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s Shinra’s rule, not one of ours.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud paused. He clutched his robe a little tighter as he held it closed. He did calm just a hair, though. He didn’t know why he was being granted these privileges, but he was learning that his protests would only be ignored. It was time to stop protesting before he annoyed them. He would explain the rules as he knew them, and if they insisted—well, he would just have to earn the privileges. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had to earn them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He let his hands drop, no longer clutching the robe closed. Maybe he could try again with Angeal, maybe he’d be less concerned about ‘consent’ than Zack. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you’re sure,” Cloud finally ended up saying, clasping his hands in front of himself. He didn’t stop his robe from gaping this time, revealing hints of the lingerie he still wore beneath. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was gratified to find that Angeal at least </span>
  <em>
    <span>looked</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Zack had been so preoccupied with trying to stay within the bounds he imposed on himself that he hadn’t even let his eye stray. Angeal seemed more relaxed—like it was less of a fight to keep his hands to himself, that he trusted himself to look quickly and not do more. Did Zack want him enough that he didn’t feel he could even allow himself that small temptation? Or was he completely uninterested?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Angeal didn’t look very long. He just stepped forward, holding his watering can up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you mind if I water the plants?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What the fuck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Why was he asking </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud was too tired to hide his confusion properly. Godsdammit, he knew this would happen. He always had such a hard time keeping himself schooled when he was tired, and he didn’t even have access to his Hypers to force himself awake. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead of answering, Cloud just stepped to the side. He was clearly just being polite for some reason—he didn’t need Cloud’s approval and they both knew it. Maybe it was just his way of asking Cloud to get out of the way?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can sit, you know,” Angeal said, propping one knee on the couch to better reach the plants. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Won’t I be in the way?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal chuckled and said, “I live with three other people, I know how to work around someone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud couldn’t stop the look of uncertainty anymore than he could the confusion. It seemed like a strange way to give an order, but that must be what it was, so Cloud sat. He pressed as far as he could into the corner of the couch. When the robe fell off his shoulder, he didn’t bother pulling it back up. When the bottom hem fell to his hips, he didn’t bother trying to cover himself. Angeal let his eyes wander for a brief second but just went about watering the plants, generally ignoring Cloud, much to his frustration. What would it take to get them to stop being so godsdamn controlled?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud watched him work quietly. As he did so, he slowly started to relax. It wasn’t his fault, he wanted to stay on guard, but he was so damn </span>
  <em>
    <span>tired</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Waking up in the middle of the night was coming back to haunt him. It didn’t help that he hadn’t eaten since breakfast with Genesis. It had been so filling, he was only now starting to get hungry. It was nowhere near unbearable yet. He decided to keep ignoring it as he slowly sank down, curling into the couch. He watched with half-lidded eyes as Angeal began pruning the plants. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why do you bother?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal looked over, clearly surprised to see Cloud starting a conversation. Cloud knew he should sit up, pay attention, </span>
  <em>
    <span>shut his mouth</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but he was too comfortable. It was dangerous. He prayed he didn’t get himself into trouble. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bother with what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The plants. They’ll just die here. Why work so hard for them?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal hummed, the sound relaxing Cloud’s shoulders further. He went back to pruning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hope, every time, that maybe they’ll last. Maybe that’s a little idealistic, but it can’t hurt to dream. I want to care for them as best I can, treat them with kindness and watch them flourish. Maybe it’s out of my hands what happens in the end, but I want to do everything that I can while I have a say in it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked slowly, heavily. He rested his head on the back of the couch. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hope you can stay that naive,” Cloud found himself saying. Warning bells went off in his head, that those were dangerous words, that he was running his mouth again. But Angeal didn’t get angry—didn’t seem to mind at all. Just looked at him sidelong for a moment before returning to his task. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A little naivety is a good thing. It’s hard to dream without it, and without dreams, how will you push yourself?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t,” Cloud said easily. His eyelids felt so heavy. “There’s no point in pushing yourself. Who has the time, or the energy? Better to focus on necessities, than wasting time with plants that will do nothing for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They do plenty. I enjoy caring for them, to start with. But they bring joy with their presence. You came here for them, didn’t you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That and the sunlight.” It couldn’t hurt to close his eyes, could it? Just for a minute. He’d open them again in a minute. “I missed the sunlight.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Was there a lot of it, where you come from?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Those warning bells went off again. Not talking about where you came from was one of the tricks to surviving as a Safeguard. Not acknowledging what you had lost was crucial. But Cloud was tired, and comfortable, and Angeal seemed to have much more patience than he did when they first met. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” Cloud said. “It was so cloudy. Sunlight was something precious. Something to cherish. I should have cherished it more.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should come here more often, then.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want to,” Cloud admitted, so easily. It was so easy when he was this exhausted. The truth just fell from his lips like rain down a window: inevitable and slow. “But I’m not supposed to. I’d be in a lot of trouble.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not with us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe. But with Shinra.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll protect you from Shinra.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud laughed then, sleepy and sincere. He shifted to get a little more comfortable. The warning bells felt so distant now. Soft, like how he felt. Easy to ignore. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m the only one who will ever look out for me. I’m clear on that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sleep, Cloud. Maybe you’ll feel different when you wake up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well that wasn’t such a bad order. He’d be happy to do that. He shifted further into the sunlight and finally let his tenuous grip on consciousness go. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Cloud woke up stiff. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t an entirely unfamiliar way for him to wake up. There were plenty of times where he couldn’t manage to fall asleep in his bed, unable to forget all the things that had happened in it. He would curl up in the corner, his back turned to the bed, and sleep that way. And he woke curled up much the same way, just in the corner of a couch instead of the corner of his room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wait, a couch? And why was he so </span>
  <em>
    <span>warm?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It came back to him in a rush. Falling asleep while talking to Angeal, his guard low enough that he was dangerously honest. The sunshine had warmed his bones, must still be warming them, and in combination with his exhaustion, had lulled him into a false sense of security. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes shot open as he bolted up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had to go apologize.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Angeal hadn’t seemed angry with him, at the time, but who knew how he was really feeling? What if he had just filed the discussion away to be brought up later? Was he building a case for why Shinra should take Cloud back? He’d said they would protect Cloud from Shinra, but even half-asleep, he’d known that wasn’t how things worked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Only, something was wrong. The room was dark. He had fallen asleep in the sun.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How long had he been asleep? Why was he still warm?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked down to see a blanket draped over him. He blinked at it, uncomprehending. He hadn’t fallen asleep with it. Angeal was the only one who could have put it there, but why would he bother? Why would he care about Cloud’s comfort?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why was Cloud so </span>
  <em>
    <span>hot</span>
  </em>
  <span>? The blanket wasn’t even that thick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s stomach twisted in anxiety, at all the pieces his half-asleep mind was trying to put together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wait, no, it wasn’t his stomach that twisted. It was lower.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stomach pains. His elevated temperature.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ah, </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed nervously, peeling the blanket away. He stood up with it in his hands before carefully folding it and putting it where he had been sitting, his heart racing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because they hadn’t decided what to do about his heat, yet, but here it was. Cloud had known it was close, but he hadn’t thought </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> close. It must be the bond-bites hurrying it along. The ache to breed after bonding, nevermind that Cloud couldn’t. His instincts didn’t know that—they knew damn well what </span>
  <em>
    <span>they</span>
  </em>
  <span> wanted. He rubbed at his forehead and sighed, turning to go back to the room they had assigned him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hurried as best he could. He knew his scent would have traces of heat in it by now, if he was already feeling this way. It had probably helped loosen his tongue earlier, too. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> he was too honest. That was the danger of heats; instinct said that anyone who would spend your heat with you was safe. He couldn’t help the honesty in the period directly before and directly after. It was why Safeguards were left alone until they were screaming in pain, and deserted the second the heat had passed. No one wanted to listen to them run their mouths, but there were plenty of alphas eager to be in someone’s heat-bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He got back to his room and immediately stripped, tucking his things into the laundry hamper that had been left to him. He went to the bed and huddled up, despite how he wanted to sprawl to relieve the heat. Just below his stomach cramped painfully. He buried his face in his knees. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t know what was about to happen, for the first time in years. He had gotten used to his monthly heat, to his room turning into a revolving door of alphas, another omega in charge of easing the switch-off between them while Cloud was too lost to think. At least he hadn’t spent the whole week in pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed nervously, his fingernails digging rivets into his shins.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A standard heat was only a few days three, maybe four times a year. Bearable. The pain was excruciating, but it was only a few days. Some people even had single-day heats. When he’d spent his heats alone, it had only been two days, but that had been bad enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t know that he could do a full week-long heat by himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t know how much time passed. It was the middle of the night, he didn’t even know if the others were asleep or not. He couldn’t wake them. They shouldn’t be here just for him to say something stupid again, anyway. He would bear through the early stages, as always. The question was what would happen after. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was not anxious to find out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He told himself that Zack hadn’t flat out said </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span> to spending his heat with him. He hadn’t wanted to, that was clear, but he hadn’t refused. Maybe there was some hope. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud huffed out a laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hope. Yeah, right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed, slipping again into the hopelessness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Who was he kidding? They weren’t about to do anything they didn’t want to, just to save him some pain. They would leave the den, because that was a thing they were allowed to do, and just be somewhere else for his heat. He’d scream himself hoarse in an empty apartment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was dreading what was about to come.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>———————</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis woke up sweating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that was odd. Because he tended to be cold, the majority of the time. It was part of why he had added a coat to his uniform—the sleeveless top had just left him freezing the whole time. Even when he was in the center of their bed, his mates pressed up around him, he rarely </span>
  <em>
    <span>sweated</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He carefully extricated himself from his mates, sliding his way out of bed. He wasn’t even wearing much, just a pair of boxer briefs. He really </span>
  <em>
    <span>shouldn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> be sweating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And why did the bed bother him so much? It just looked wrong. Not enough blankets, not enough pillows. It had looked right a few days ago, before he… dismantled the nest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why the hell did he want a nest right now?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t wanted a nest in </span>
  <em>
    <span>years</span>
  </em>
  <span> before they had gotten word about Cloud. The suppressants took care of that urge nicely. He hadn’t wanted one since he was in his parents’ home, where he would be locked in his room for his heat, and the nest was his only comfort. His mates hadn’t seen him make a nest before they’d gotten the news about Cloud’s impending arrival. They had all been very careful not to say anything about it, because he had been testy enough as it was, but he knew they had realized it was the first nest they’d seen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So why? He wasn’t in distress any longer. He had changed his mind about Cloud, when he learned more of the situation, and had some time to cool his head. He wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>upset</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He didn’t want the nest for comfort. He didn’t even </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> it. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>needed</span>
  </em>
  <span> it. He needed somewhere safe to have pups put inside him, to rest as they grew.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>… What the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span> was that train of thought?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He rubbed his brow, staring at his mates in thought. It was like he was going into a heat, but not quite. His stomach wasn’t cramping. He didn’t feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>quite</span>
  </em>
  <span> warm enough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He remembered, suddenly, the warning they had given him when he started suppressants. That spending time around another omega, who wasn’t on suppressants, while they were in their heat, would send him into a pseudo-heat himself. It wouldn’t be the same as a full-blown heat, but it would seem familiar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This seemed familiar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had laughed, when they told him. Because, why would he be around another omega in heat? There weren’t omega SOLDIERs—that was the whole point. He was going to be the first, and he would become First Class, and it would be amazing and remarkable and he’d be so famous for it. He had written off the worry so easily he had forgotten.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The worry seemed less foolish now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud must be in his heat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Genesis sniffed at the air and, sure enough, he could smell just a hint of that heat sweetness on it. How long had he been in it, for the scent to spread this far? He didn’t hear any screaming, but all his mates were here. No one was taking care of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was unacceptable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wake up,” Genesis snapped, loud enough that all three of them bolted upright in synch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He folded his arms over his chest, watching as they blinked themselves awake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s the fire, Gen?” Zack said, rubbing at his eye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take a deep breath and ask me again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He watched as all three did as he asked. Their eyes all widened, though to varying degrees. Zack clamped a hand over his nose. Angeal started taking very measured breaths to try and limit his exposure. Sephiroth did nothing different, but sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am going to him,” Genesis said firmly. “One of you, at least, will follow me. You can all come, if you want. Between Cloud and I, we can manage you all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cloud and—” Angeal started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The flaw of suppressants,” Genesis explained. “Pseudo-heats happen with prolonged exposure to heat pheromones. Now, who is coming with me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He still can’t consent,” Zack said. “This isn’t right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You alphas will be the death of me, I swear,” Genesis sighed. “Spending a rut alone is miserable—you’re desperately horny and tense from it and nothing relieves that pressure. Spending a heat alone is </span>
  <em>
    <span>agonizing</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I’m not leaving him to suffer because you three care more about the moral high-ground than about his pain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not that I don’t care,” Zack protested, puppy eyes in full force. “I just—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so not you. Angeal? Sephiroth?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth looked to Angeal, saying, “I can do this, if you’d rather not. I’m not sure how honorable it would be, when he can’t properly consent.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Debatably at best, but it is also not honorable to leave a man suffering when I can help. Besides, we’ll probably need to switch off. I doubt just one of us could keep up with him for a </span>
  <em>
    <span>week</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth nodded his acceptance and looked to Genesis, saying, “Do </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>need someone to help you? If you’ll be in a pseudo-heat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be fine,” Genesis said with conviction, despite being unsure. “The way it was explained to me, there’s no pain with these. More like spending a rut alone, then a heat alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Spending ruts alone is not comfortable, either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I can’t tolerate it, I’ll call for one of you. I trust you’ll be willing to help </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Zack?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zack nodded sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not that—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Zack, hush. I understand your position. I think it’s impractical, and that you’re being foolish, but I’m not about to force you into his bed. You two go. When Angeal started flagging, I’ll call Sephiroth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth grabbed Zack by the arm and dragged him with him, nodding once at Genesis, before leading him away to his own apartment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which left Angeal and Genesis looking at each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know what I’m in for?” Angeal said, a little unsure. He’d never spent a heat with someone before, and they both knew it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, Genesis had always spent his own heat alone, and had no idea either. He shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll figure it out. I’ll keep an eye out for you. Make sure everyone eats, and drinks, and that you don’t exhaust yourself too badly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry this was put on you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It could be worse. It could be a proper heat, and there would be no one sensible left to keep you all in line. Let’s go see how bad he is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The walk through the halls was silent, the smell of the pheromones getting thicker with every step they drew closer. Genesis felt his temperature slowly climbing as he got closer. He felt heat pool between his legs, but it was tolerable. He could ignore it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What he couldn’t ignore was the sound of Cloud’s muffled screams as they got closer. They both picked up the pace, listening to him shout and sob in turns. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They didn’t expect what they saw when they entered. Cloud had made some sort of makeshift gag from his own clothing, trying to keep quiet and failing. He was on his back, legs spread with both hands buried between them. One hand tugged furiously at his cock, the other had three fingers buried in his pussy. It was clearly not enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They could see the moment Cloud caught whiff of them. His head shot up, looking at Angeal in desperation. The whine he gave was plaintive and pitiful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go,” Genesis said quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Angeal stripped out of his sleep clothes and hurried to the bed. He carefully undid the gag around Cloud’s head, Cloud too busy reaching for Angeal to care. His slick hand slid over Angeal’s cock the second it was in reach, trying to hurry along his hardening. The other simply clutched at Angeal’s shoulder, needing him near. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The second the gag was free from his mouth, Cloud was saying, “Please, Angeal, please, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I can’t—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, Cloud,” he whispered, draping himself over the omega. “I know. I’m here now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was hardening quickly in Cloud’s hand, but not quick enough. He sank three fingers into Cloud, his own much thicker than Cloud’s had been, and Cloud shivered and moaned for it. He pressed his forehead to Angeal’s shoulder, his hips grinding down against his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Cloud whined. “Please, please, pleasepleaseplease, please—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Angeal kissed him, trying to give him anything he could as a distraction, until he was finally hard enough. He pulled his hand free and pressed inside Cloud, whose head tilted back as he moaned long and loud. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Genesis watched from the side, folding his arms over his chest and sighing as he tilted his head to one side. Angeal purred, endless and low, soothing himself and Cloud and Genesis all at once. Genesis could watch as he devolved from thinking and strategizing into instinct. Alphas were supposed to respond to heat pheromones, after all. They got just as desperate as the omegas they were fucking, or so Genesis had been told.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> It seemed to be true, because he knew Angeal, and that was not the way he would fuck anyone for the first time. It was hard, and fast, and almost brutal. He was rutting into him, chasing his own release and Cloud’s, his hand working Cloud to release after release. It was all instinct, all need. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Genesis ignored his own need. He was hard and slick in his underwear, and he would certainly not complain if he was knotted sometime soon. But his head was still clear. He could still think straight. And Cloud hadn’t even made a nest, not even a sad attempt at one using the single blanket and sheet at his disposal. That was no way for an omega to spend his heat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Genesis went to a linen closet, grabbing armfuls of blankets—all the things he had used for his own recent nest. He brought them into the room and dropped them at the foot of the bed. He would make the nest when Angeal knotted Cloud, and there was a break, where they had some semblance of sense. He’d have Angeal move Cloud out of the way, however clumsily while they were still attached, and would make a nest for them. It would be better, that way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the meantime, Genesis went to sit at Cloud’s side. The whole thing was pulling rather uncomfortably at his own instincts, which he was accustomed to ignoring at every turn. He wanted to comfort Cloud, to show him he was safe and secure, that he was in pack territory and they would take care of him. He had no knot himself to help him with, but he could do small things. Comforting things, to let Cloud know he would be safe and happy and whole here. Perhaps, while Cloud was relying so heavily on instinct, he’d even believe him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Genesis sat behind Cloud, his legs carefully tucked out of the way. He smoothed the hair that was plastered to Cloud’s forehead with sweat out of the way, uncaring about the mess. It was a heat—it was bound to be messy. Cloud glanced up at him, and one hand reached up toward him. Genesis caught it and laced their fingers together, kissing Cloud’s knuckles in an attempt to soothe. He purred for him, loudly, and he could see Cloud relax into the mattress. He could feel through the bond the way safety laced its way through Cloud, the way he felt content through the need. Cared for, for once. His heart was soaring, Genesis felt second hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the very least, they could reach him like this. His brain, with all its careful training and conditioning, was offline right now. He wasn’t thinking, wasn’t worrying about rules and stipulations and possible consequences for theoretical misbehavior. He was just feeling, only reacting. His instinct saw the alpha working to breed him and the omega ready to help him care for any potential pups and felt at peace. Genesis knew there would be no children, but didn’t mind playing into those roles for the moment. Not when it was clearly helping Cloud so much. Not when Cloud felt so content and safe and secure. As calm as he could get, during a heat, really. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Genesis reached out to slide the hand not holding Cloud’s through Angeal’s hair, who only barely glanced up at him. Angeal surged up, grabbing Genesis by the hair to kiss him. They purred in time with each other, the vibration matching in their chests before they broke away. Angeal leaned down to kiss Cloud next, who leaned up hungrily for it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Genesis could feel Angeal through the bond as clearly as he could Cloud. The protective instinct was palpable. He was the sole alpha in the room with two of his pack’s omega in heat. There was the urge to breed, to knot Cloud, yes, but also the urge to care for them. To satisfy every need, to ease the pain Cloud was feeling. Genesis knew the only reason he wasn’t doing his damnedest to fuck them both at the same time was because his own heat pheromones couldn’t have been as strong—it was only a false heat, after all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the small reminder of his presence through that kiss had been enough. Angeal reached a free hand up, tugging Genesis’s boxers down. Genesis batted his hand away, and Angeal looked up and growled at him. Genesis cocked one eyebrow at him—he wasn’t fully in heat, and that was not about to work any more than it would on a normal day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it did manage to pull his underwear from where his slick had gotten it stuck against his skin. The scent of his slick must have been enough to draw Cloud’s attention, because then </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> was reaching up and pulling at Genesis’s underwear. Genesis sighed, but relented to that. He could feel Cloud’s urges through the bond, the need for pack bonding strong in him right now. He wanted Genesis in this with him, not understanding that this wasn’t a real heat he was in. And Genesis didn’t really want Cloud to feel alone, if he didn’t have to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shimmied out of his underwear, tossing them to the side with one foot, and shifted down the mattress to lay at Cloud’s side. Cloud turned to him, leaning up to kiss him. Genesis kissed him back readily—he didn’t have the qualms the others did. Yes, Cloud’s ability to consent was debatable. But Genesis knew full well that </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyone’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> ability to consent during a heat was debatable. That didn’t mean they should be left to suffer through it alone. And if he could help soothe Cloud’s instincts, help keep him feeling as safe and wanted as he did right now, he was happy to oblige. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew damn well how much of the day Cloud felt miserable, all hopelessness and despair and terror. If he could brighten that darkness for just a moment, give him just some spark of joy—how could he not? How could he deny happiness to someone who so sorely needed it? Not any longer, not now that he was clear on what exactly was happening, and that Cloud was even more a victim to the current circumstances than Genesis had infuriatingly felt like he might have been himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Genesis propped himself up on one elbow to lean over Cloud, kissing him deeply until Cloud purred back at him, the whole room seeming to rumble between the three of them. When Angeal pushed his legs open, Genesis didn’t stop that either. He felt Angeal rub his palm over his leaking cunt before stroking his cock. Genesis sighed into Cloud’s mouth, before offering a choked little moan when he felt Angeal sink his fingers inside him. That was good. That was </span>
  <em>
    <span>perfect</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He didn’t need a knot, he wasn’t in a true heat, but this scratched that itch inside him. He tightened around Angeal’s fingers, carding his hand through Cloud’s hair before stroking his fingers down his cheek. He slid his hand down between Cloud and Angeal, stroking Cloud while Angeal’s hands were otherwise occupied, with propping himself up and with Genesis himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Genesis was not proud of how long he lasted, because it wasn’t very long at all. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t a full heat, but it was apparently enough to make him much more sensitive than he usually was. It was also enough to make him insatiable, so he still didn’t pull Angeal’s hand away after that first orgasm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it wasn’t long before Angeal was following after him. Genesis could tell the second Angeal knotted Cloud, from the way Angeal went still and Cloud shivered hard and nearly screamed his pleasure. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then they were slowly coming back to themselves, and Genesis had given himself a task for when this happened. He sighed, but brushed Angeal’s hand away, who looked up at him curiously. Much more like himself, that was good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Angeal, my love, can you pick Cloud up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because he is in heat and there is no nest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked more relaxed than Genesis had ever seen him, but maybe that was why he didn’t fight his urge to scowl. Well, pout, really, that could hardly be called a scowl. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No nest,” Cloud protested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No nest?” Genesis asked. “Whyever not? I know you want one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re not allowed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, please,” Genesis said, rolling his eyes. “I am hardly about to humor Shinra’s asinine rules right now. Angeal, lift him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Angeal shrugged, but scooped Cloud up into his arms, so relaxed he was nearly limp. He curled against Angeal’s chest, resting his head on his shoulder, the contentment radiating from him. There was the barest thread of resignation coming through the bond. Clearly, he had protested once, and it was enough to soothe his conscience. He did sorely want a nest, after all; every omega in heat did. Angeal carried him out of the bed carefully, trying not to pull where they were connected too badly. Cloud obligingly wrapped his legs around Angeal’s waist. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Genesis went about constructing the nest as fast as he could. It was slapdash, and not up to his standards, but he was on a timer. He only had until Angeal’s knot went down to finish this before they would need to go back to their activities, and Genesis was not about to have them fucking against a wall. He managed to finish with a little bit of time left, so they had a breath to enjoy the nest before Angeal’s knot went down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Angeal laid them on their sides, his legs tangled with Cloud’s as they faced each other. Genesis spooned up behind him, one arm slung around Cloud’s waist. He watched as Cloud nuzzled his face into the soft blankets, his hand reaching up to make fists in the fabric. He relaxed completely into the nest, into their arms. Genesis could feel second hand how he felt perfectly, achingly content, every instinct soothed for the first time in Gaia knew how long. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sooner or later, Angeal’s knot would go down, and they would continue. In the meantime, they all basked in the glow of Cloud’s incredibly rare, incredibly precious joy. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was a messy week. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis meant that literally. He was considering burning the nesting supplies, unsure they could ever come clean of all the various fluids. He for one was going to have a long, long soak after a long, long shower when this was all over. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had been busier than he had thought when they started. He hadn’t had the time to take care of his own needs. Every break had a task—make sure they ate, make sure they drank, try to let them catch snatches of sleep when they could. When it wasn’t a break, he was getting supplies, or casting Cures to try and ease the soreness he knew Cloud must be feeling but never complained of. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And that was part of the problem. Cloud never complained. He didn’t ask for food or drink, and if Genesis hadn’t been monitoring everything, it would have fallen by the wayside. He didn’t mention how sore he was. He didn’t mention the exhaustion—he was only able to sleep while knotted. When it went down, the aching woke Cloud again. Even when he was so tired that frustrated tears stood in his eyes, he didn’t complain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis felt distinctly humbled, and that wasn’t a thing he felt often. They had all seen, in hints and glimpses, the effects being a Safeguard had on Cloud. But never had their noses been rubbed in it before. Because Cloud was relying only on instinct. They could all feel how he craved contact and care and affection. They could all see how, even when his brain wasn’t consciously working at control, he didn’t dare ask for a single thing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was impossibly exhausted and would have been sore to the bone without the Cures. He was hungry and dehydrated despite Genesis’s best efforts. If this was how bad a week-long heat was with someone actively working for his comfort, how bad had it been in the Department itself? He did this every </span>
  <em>
    <span>month</span>
  </em>
  <span>? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis had always been proud of his pain tolerance, but he was starting to grasp that Cloud’s put him to shame. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The alphas had it easier, of course. Angeal and Sephiroth switched daily to rest and recover, and even then, by the end of the day they were exhausted. There was the physical effort, yes, but as the days passed, there was an emotional toll. Cloud’s refusal to reach out when they were aching to care for him ground against their instincts unpleasantly. They felt like they were failing him, the contentment he’d had in the first few days draining as time passed. No matter how much they soothed him, they couldn’t compensate for his physical needs not being met, after all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack was working on his own end, comforting whoever came out of Cloud’s bed. He did his damndest to reassure them that they were doing all they could, and shouldn’t blame themselves for damage Shinra had dealt. It was enough to keep Sephiroth and Angeal from feeling fully defeated. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, Genesis was infinitely relieved when Cloud’s heat finally broke. The difference was obvious. One moment he was desperately riding Sephiroth, and then his pace suddenly dropped off. He stopped completely, sitting on Sephiroth’s hips. His eyelids drooped. He swayed dangerously as he shook his head, trying to clear it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis and Sephiroth were barely able to catch him as he fell, promptly falling unconscious. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The smell of heat pheromones in the air began to dissipate. It was still thick, and would linger for a while, but at least Cloud was no longer feeding it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis and Sephiroth looked at each other over Cloud’s back, where he was asleep on Sephiroth’s chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What now?” Sephiroth asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis finally let out a breath he’d been holding in his chest for days. He grinned. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Now</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Genesis said, “we make things perfect for when he wakes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>———————</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud woke up slowly. He still felt the lingering exhaustion in his muscles, but he was no longer tired. He was, instead, incredibly comfortable. He felt warm, but not overheated. Whatever he was lying on was perfectly soft. He felt no desire whatsoever to move. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And that was what finally told Cloud he had to. Because nowhere he was supposed to be was this comfortable. He wasn’t sure where he was, or what had happened, but it shouldn’t have. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He opened his eyes and made to sit up, only for an arm around his waist to hold him in place. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looked over his shoulder to see Genesis holding him in place. He turned around to look in front of him to see Sephiroth lying there, equally asleep. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was… in bed?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was good, wasn’t it? He needed to be. He needed to keep them satisfied. But none of them had made any sign of wanting him, so what had happened?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then he smelled it in the air. The lingering traces of his heat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It always was a blur, every time. He could never remember </span>
  <em>
    <span>quite</span>
  </em>
  <span> what happened in the aftermath. Usually, he was left alone, because omegas right after a heat tended to be painfully honest. No one wanted a Safeguard who couldn’t mind their tongue. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was accustomed to post-heat going a certain way. He’d feel painfully sore and exhausted. He would feel cold and abandoned, his instincts aching for company. He would lie in bed and try to ignore his screaming instincts until the desperate loneliness brought him to frustrated tears. The tears would turn from frustrated to simply mournful. He would cry himself out and lay there wallowing until he convinced himself he didn’t have time for such things. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He would then go to his nightstand, pop enough Hypers to get him going, and go shower. He’d change the sheets after, wrap one around his shoulders, and go curl up in the corner of the room. The way the walls pressed against him, the way the blanket cradled him—it was as close as he could get to an embrace in that moment. He needed to feel enveloped, and this was as close as he could get. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He would sit there until his instincts calmed. He’d sit there for an hour or so longer, just to take advantage of the excuse for a break. But he would know, at that point, that he could mind his tongue, and he eventually would get bored. He would get up, then, and start the day. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was distinctly different than what he was used to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He settled back into where he had been laying, but tried to take stock of things. Genesis and Sephiroth each had an arm around his waist. His legs were tangled with Sephiroth’s. His hands had been resting on Sephiroth’s chest before he had made to sit up—now he had no idea what to do with them. He laced his fingers together and brought his hands to his chest to try and keep them from touching Sephiroth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because now it was a battle with his screaming instincts. His gut was telling him to relax. He was being held, embraced like he always wanted to be after a heat. They had taken care of him thus far—they wouldn’t push him away now. He was in a nest (when did he </span>
  <em>
    <span>get here</span>
  </em>
  <span>?) where he belonged. Everything was perfect. Things were exactly how they should be. His muscles were relaxing without his consent. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because that was what </span>
  <em>
    <span>instinct</span>
  </em>
  <span> told him—his brain knew better. He had his expectations for a </span>
  <em>
    <span>reason</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He was supposed to be left alone post-heat, because he couldn’t mind his tongue. If they were going to curl up around him, and—and fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>coddle</span>
  </em>
  <span> him, there was no way he wouldn’t say something stupid. He remembered distinctly that they might be building a case to send him back. He couldn’t give them more ammunition. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The fear spiked within him, rivaling the bone-deep contentment. Luckily, contentment was too foreign to Cloud, these days. He was used to denying himself small comforts. It was easier than he expected to convince himself to shimmy out of the bed, leaving Genesis and Sephiroth asleep in the nest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed, looking at them. He didn’t know what to do. This was the room they had given him. Where could he go now? There were plenty of rooms, but he really needed to shower. He wasn’t sure where he was allowed to do that other than here, and the shower was sure to wake them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud compromised. He grabbed his blue robe and pulled it on. He plucked a hair tie off the dresser and tossed his hair up in a messy bun. He then padded out of the room on silent feet, closing the door softly behind him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He could tell from the darkness that it must be nighttime. Cloud still wasn’t sure where to go. He didn’t want to intrude anywhere. He could feel Zack and Angeal across the hall in Sephiroth’s apartment, moving around. Still awake. It must not be that late, then. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud found his feet carrying him without his conscious consideration. His brain was too busy fighting his gut about wanting to go back to the nest. Because it had felt safe, so safe, so warm and welcome, and he wanted that again. But he knew such things were dangerous. If he allowed himself to get comfortable, it would only make things worse when they were taken from him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t rely on Genesis and Sephiroth. He couldn’t rely on Angeal or Zack either, for that matter. He could only rely on himself—and he would see himself through the post-heat hormones, the way he always did. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he came to a stop, he found himself in the room with the window and plants again. He shifted his weight from foot to foot. He thought there might be some comfort in looking outside, but he didn’t want to go on the couch. He was still a mess, covered in dried sweat and cum and slick—no, he couldn’t, not even with the robe as a barrier. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So instead he went to the corner of the room. He put his back in the corner and slid down to sitting. He wrapped his arms around his legs and rested his cheek on his knees. His collar felt cool around his throat in the night air. He would feel cold soon, in only the robe with his hair up, once the last traces of his heat wore off. But, once that happened, he’d feel okay again. He’d be able to pull on his armor and put on his mask and face the others. It was just a waiting game, now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But an excruciating one. Every part of him ached to be back in the nest. He couldn’t last more than a moment before his thoughts drifted back longingly. Even the starry sky outside wasn’t comfort enough. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He just had to remember why he was bothering. That Genesis and Sephiroth weren’t safe. That they had been forced into his bed by his heat. That they would hold it against him once they had some time to think. It was better to pull away now and take advantage of them as little as possible. Maybe if he showed that he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>trying</span>
  </em>
  <span> to follow the rules, they’d be more lenient. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He feared what would happen if they weren’t, but he was also so </span>
  <em>
    <span>tired</span>
  </em>
  <span> of being afraid. He hadn’t been, when he woke up in the nest. He’d felt safe and secure and so very content. He missed that. He wanted it again. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted. </span>
  </em>
  <span>But he wasn’t supposed to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud groaned, hiding his face in his knees. He was going around in circles, and getting absolutely nowhere. He dug his fingers into his hair and pulled at the roots. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cloud? What’re you doing here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s head shot up, his hands falling from his hair. Zack was standing in the doorway, leaning around it to look at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud tried to get to his feet, panic zipping through him. He wasn’t supposed to be seen so very, very far from presentable. He was still too close to his heat to be around Zack, but he didn’t have a choice. He had to get up. He had to play his part. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No!” Zack said, making Cloud freeze and look up at him. “No, don’t get up, okay? You’re fine where you are.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud paused, then sank back to the floor. He gathered his robe around himself, tucking his legs to one side. He was suddenly keenly aware of his state. Completely undressed except for the robe, covered in questionable fluids, his hair slung up in an incredibly shoddy bun. He at least tried to cover himself. Zack didn’t want to see him, after all. He’d been clear about that. Gods, but that </span>
  <em>
    <span>ached</span>
  </em>
  <span> right now. He wanted to be wanted so keenly. He ached for comfort, for Zack to hold him close and care for him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed thickly and averted his eyes. Damn his instincts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud felt Zack draw closer, now that he was paying attention. He made no attempt to be quiet as he slid to sitting next to Cloud. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t answer my question.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked down at his knees. He tugged his robe lower to cover more. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Which question was that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t safe in the nest.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Damn it. Damn it all to hell, his fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>mouth</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Cloud winced at his own honesty and looked away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How come?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m supposed to be alone post-heat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But you don’t want to be. Gen and Seph wouldn’t want you to be, if they were awake.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They’ll change their minds, when the pheromones clear.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud turned his face away. Gods</span>
  <em>
    <span>dammit</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They won’t. They’ve been trying really hard to help you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They were roped into it by the pheromones.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack shifted closer to him, setting one hand on Cloud’s knee. Cloud shivered, aching for the contact. He wanted nothing more than to curl into Zack’s side. He wasn’t gone enough to try for </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>. But the sudden warmth of Zack’s palm against his skin had him feeling hot all over again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They weren’t. Genesis really wanted to help watch out for you. Angeal and Sephiroth wanted to help you through it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But not you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… I don’t want to take advantage of your hormones.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then why are you here, if you’re not trying to take advantage of when I can’t lie?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud closed his mouth with a clack. He sighed in frustration, rubbing at his brow. He just couldn’t think before he spoke right now. It was like he only knew what was going to come out of his mouth as he heard it alongside Zack. It caught up to him after, that he shouldn’t say these things, but by then it was too late. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t want to be alone. This is the part of heat I can help with. Do you want to come over here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked up, to see Zack holding out one arm. Cloud swallowed nervously, but told himself that if Zack wanted to hold him, it was different than him wanting to be held. He could indulge Zack, but not himself, after all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, he had to give at least one protest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m a mess right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t mind a little mess. C’mon,” Zack said easily, a smile on his face. Cloud hesitated until Zack gestured with his head for Cloud to come over. He obeyed then, scooting over to Zack’s side, away from the safety of the corner that had cradled him. He was just going to sit at Zack’s side, but Zack had other plans. He curled Cloud into his side, draping Cloud’s legs over his own. He encouraged Cloud to pillow his head against his chest, his arm wrapped around his shoulders to hold him close. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A knot that had formed in Cloud’s chest suddenly came unraveled. It was like he could finally breathe again, as long as the air was full of alpha protective pheromones. He nuzzled against Zack’s chest before he could think about it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His control was spinning away from him. He had pried himself from his instincts’ clutches once when he left the nest. He didn’t have the strength to do so twice. All the comfort, the safety came flooding back to him. His hand made a loose fist in Zack’s shirt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s it, there you go,” Zack muttered, pulling Cloud closer. “If only it was this easy all the time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud snuggled closer, the softest hint of a purr building in his chest. He knew he wasn’t supposed to purr, that it was forbidden for the effect it could have on an alpha’s instincts, but maybe if he kept it quiet, it’d be allowed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Cloud said quietly, pressing his face to Zack’s chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not your fault,” Zack answered readily. “I just wish I knew how to reach you all the time. Every other time I try, it goes sour somehow.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Cloud repeated, too calm and quiet to quite be afraid right now. “I don’t mean to be difficult. You’re just all very confusing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re just trying to help, you know that, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mm, I don’t think you are, but that’s alright. I don’t expect help.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud heard Zack hiss in a breath, but didn’t have it in him to do more than slant a glance up at him. Zack looked back down at him, smoothing the hair from his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should. You should expect help. You shouldn’t always be waiting for the next shoe to drop.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud chuckled tiredly. His energy was quickly waning, now that he felt safe again. He shut his eyes and snuggled closer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“‘Should’s do not matter. That’s the way of things. You learn to accept that in time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud patted Zack’s chest comfortingly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, not anymore. We’ll teach you different.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hope not. When you find a way to get rid of me, it will make everything much harder for me. I’d rather not be reconditioned again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Get rid of you? Who said anything about that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No one had to. It’s clear I’m not wanted here. It took a </span>
  <em>
    <span>heat</span>
  </em>
  <span> to get any of you in bed with me. Do you know how many years it’s been since I failed to make someone want me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because that was your job—you don’t have to work, here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because that’s the only agency I get to have. Because sometimes seduction is my only way out of a beating. Because if I can blind a customer with want, then I can steer how things go.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was just like his conversation with Angeal in his pre-heat. He was too tired, too comfortable, too soothed to mind his tongue. Distant warning bells were going off in his mind, but they were easy to dismiss when Zack held him closer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to do that to keep yourself safe here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud sighed and let his hand fall to his lap. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It keeps me safe, but that isn’t what it’s about.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then what is it about?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Control. It isn’t much. It’s not control over whether or not I’m fucked, but how. Soft or hard, with props or without, what hole. It’s about me getting to make the choice for once, no matter how small. And I don’t have that with you all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud could hear Zack’s shaky exhale. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can just ask for what you want, with us. It doesn’t have to be a—a game of chess.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course it does. No one wants to just </span>
  <em>
    <span>give me</span>
  </em>
  <span> things. I have to win them. I have to earn them. And you all won’t let me. How can I convince you to let me keep the privileges you’ve granted, if I can’t even convince you to fuck me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Those are </span>
  <em>
    <span>different</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Cloud. You don’t have to earn things that way here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud sighed. He curled closer to Zack, breathing the protective pheromones in deep. It was the only thing keeping him calm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t understand you—any of you,” Cloud confessed. “I knew how things worked, before I got here. I think this is part of the punishment.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“All the promises I know I can’t trust, the contradictions to simple truths, the uncertainty. Rufus would never send me somewhere kind. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> this is a trap. I’m just waiting for you to spring it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that what this is about? You can’t trust us because you can’t trust Rufus?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t trust anyone, ever, but especially not anyone Rufus sent me to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe he wants to look out for you? As a possible family member?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud snorted, the sound deeply inelegant and not something he’d usually allow, before devolving into a fit of giggles. He covered his face with his hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, right,” Cloud said between bouts of laughter. “My collar will fall off on its own before Rufus wishes me well. Gaia, I don’t know if you’re that optimistic, or if you just don’t know him well.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bit of both, probably. Do </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> know him well?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s giggles tapered off until he sighed, leaning up against Zack’s chest and placing his hands in his lap. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He was my first, years ago. Wanted to be the first for everything. Took it on himself to break me in. He was the one who kept me out of reconditioning for so long—he wanted to break me without it. Then I tried to leave, and he had enough. He oversaw my reconditioning himself. I’m his pet project, y’see.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud yawned, nuzzling against Zack’s chest again. He rubbed tiredly at one eye. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But—but you might be his brother?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe that’s a draw to him. Maybe he knows I’m not. I’ve figured it out by now, that they must have run the test when I first got here and just didn’t say anything. He was waiting to spring it on me. If I hadn’t run my mouth that night, maybe he wouldn’t have ever told me about it. If he hadn’t, I wouldn’t have tried to run, and none of the rest of it would have happened.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What night? What happened?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I used to have such a mouth on me. Rufus thought it was funny most of the time, and liked the excuse to hurt me. But I crossed a line. I brought his mother into it. I said that if she was half as good a lay as he was making me into, he wouldn’t have to worry about bastard brothers in the first place.” Cloud felt Zack wince and heard him hiss—he chuckled in response, patting Zack’s chest. “See? Bet you’re glad you know me like this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shh, Cloud,” Zack said, smoothing his hand down Cloud’s arm. “Why don’t you rest? You’re still tired.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud yawned and, in a moment of deep vulnerability he would regret later, he said, “Will you stay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As long as you like.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was so easy to give up, then. The conversation had been the only thing keeping him awake, after all. To top it all off, Zack started purring for him. Cloud sagged outright at the sound. It was too soothing for a person as used to living in denial as Cloud was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He fell asleep immediately. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>———————</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack held Cloud close, his heart aching sharply. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because, yes, it had been on purpose. He had come here looking to take care of Cloud, that was true. But he continued that conversation because he was fishing for information. Cloud had admitted it himself—he couldn’t lie. And Zack needed the information sorely. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because he was playing at a disadvantage. He just didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>understand </span>
  </em>
  <span>Cloud, and it made it next to impossible to help. Was this a necessarily honorable way to get these truths out of Cloud? No. But, as Genesis liked to remind Zack whenever he could, there were limits on what honor could achieve. Sometimes the ends did justify the means. If Zack would be able to properly help Cloud after, then wasn’t it worth it to take advantage of the moment? He was doing it for </span>
  <em>
    <span>Cloud’s </span>
  </em>
  <span>sake, after all. He just wanted to </span>
  <em>
    <span>help</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he didn’t like the truths he had learned, about the way Cloud thought, and how he lived, and what had happened between him and Rufus. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was nothing he could do about the past, though. He could only use this knowledge to make the future better. He was </span>
  <em>
    <span>going</span>
  </em>
  <span> to. It was non-negotiable. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Cloud woke up to a door being flung open so hard it cracked against a wall. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He panicked. He jumped and scrambled away from where he had been. He’d been… in someone’s lap? But he had fallen asleep curled in Zack’s side. How did he wake up in his lap, clinging to him like a vine to brick? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fuck. Post-heat hormones. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What had happened caught up to him before what was currently happening. His pounding heart kicked into overdrive as he clutched his robe closed, backing away from Zack on the floor and what seemed to be Genesis in the doorway. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had run his mouth. He had run his mouth </span>
  <em>
    <span>so bad</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and if it ever got back to Rufus, he would either be dead, or wishing he was. Gods, the second Zack had walked into the room, he should have found an excuse to leave it. But he had been </span>
  <em>
    <span>weak</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And now he was going to pay for his momentary lapse in judgement. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Except Genesis looked… relieved? Or, at least he did, until Cloud had backed up enough that the backs of his knees hit the couch and he fell to sitting. Then Genesis reached out as if to catch him, before his face softened when Cloud sat there, stunned. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He glanced to Zack, who was watching him with soft eyes in an unreadable face. Then a smile bloomed as he hauled himself to standing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why are you here? You’re supposed to be in the nest,” Genesis said as Cloud scrambled back to his feet. One hand held his robe closed and the other tugged the hem down to cover more of his legs. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> should not be seen so unpresentable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Cloud apologized on reflex. “Safeguards are supposed to be alone post-heat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s just idiotic,” Genesis scoffed. “That’s when you need company the most.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud paused, because Genesis was another omega. He should know damn well how impossible it was to lie when tricked instincts said you were safe. He didn’t understand why Genesis didn’t understand the issue. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Doesn’t matter,” Zack interrupted before Cloud could make a decision. “He’s here now, and we’ll show him that it’s safe to have company post-heat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Safe? Why would it not be safe? Was </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> the issue?” Genesis asked, turning to look at Cloud again, who held his robe tighter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s brow furrowed. He had to know that was the issue. That was </span>
  <em>
    <span>always</span>
  </em>
  <span> the issue. Didn’t they know that by now? Didn’t they understand that Cloud couldn’t take any of their kindness for granted? That his safety was a privilege, not a right, and that he always, always expected privileges to be revoked?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How about we just take him back, yeah? What’d’you think, Cloud, shower and a fresh nest? We’ll bring you some food, too, you must be starving.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked between them in disbelief. Why were they being so </span>
  <em>
    <span>nice</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Was this more of them trying to build a case? Would he be punished for accepting? Because it </span>
  <em>
    <span>sounded </span>
  </em>
  <span>heavenly. A shower to get clean, a fresh nest for comfort, food to finally fill his achingly empty stomach. Everything he could want after a heat. Everything he was not accustomed to getting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud clutched his robe tighter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That isn’t necessary,” Cloud protested. “I can see myself back to the room. I’ll be fine there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I expect you will—you’re not used to having a choice in the matter.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Gen—“ </span>
  </em>
  <span>Zack hissed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“However,” he continued, pointedly ignoring his mate, “it would help </span>
  <em>
    <span>us</span>
  </em>
  <span> very much to see you fine. Humor us?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud let out the smallest sigh. Because of course he would do that. He lived to follow the whims of others. If he had to prove to them that he was fine, so be it. It was probably their flaring instincts. Having spent the whole heat with him must have made them protective. More instincts he should never, ever set off, but somehow had. How was he supposed to know, though? He hadn’t spent his heat alone in years, he thought it would be fine. He neglected to consider the effect of only having two alphas involved, though. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If he was the one who triggered their hindbrains, then he was responsible for soothing them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nodded, pulling his hair over one shoulder with his one free hand. He stepped toward the door, disliking how they fell in line behind him. He felt like he was being herded. He felt like prey. He took a deep breath, reminding himself that nothing had gone wrong so far. Maybe his good luck would hold. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had to restrain the urge to scoff. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeah, right. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hurried through the den to the room they had assigned him to find Sephiroth and Angeal inside, standing next to a pile of bedding that reeked of heat. They were staring at another pile of bedding, this time on the bed itself, clearly trying to figure out what to do with it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re all helpless,” Genesis sniped, sweeping into the room. He elbowed them out of the way and went about constructing a new nest from the materials. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack set a hand on Cloud’s lower back, leaning down to whisper, “Go ahead and shower. We’ll take care of things here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud carefully stepped deeper into the room, just for Sephiroth to look up at him. He smiled faintly, so Cloud ducked his head and hurried to the dresser. He grabbed underwear and a clean dress as Angeal answered Genesis. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This isn’t exactly our area of expertise.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, you lot are useless when it comes to anything about the home.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I cook just fine, Gen.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not the </span>
  <em>
    <span>home</span>
  </em>
  <span>, that’s food, and aren’t you all supposed to be the ‘providers’ anyway? I never understood why cooking was an omega duty. Preparing is part of providing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud closed the door behind him, then. He did not want to hear any more of that conversation. The thought of sniping at SOLDIER alphas like that made Cloud shiver unpleasantly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stripped out of his robe easily enough and looked in the mirror. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He… didn’t look too bad. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well, in comparison to how he usually presented himself, he looked like shit. His bun was sloppy, he had deep bags under his eyes, his cheeks were a little hollow from the dehydration and starvation. Typical post-heat problems. His scent gland was still bitten to hell, the marks barely having healed, but it wasn’t swollen from his heat anymore. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he wasn’t bruised. He was used to coming out of a heat sore and throbbing. All his muscles should be straining. His cunt should feel raw from the prolonged friction. He should be bruised and battered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Had they healed him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t understand why. It made no sense. Why waste the mana? He would heal with time. It was just pain. Sure, he was glad they had done it. He felt miles better than he usually did, so much better he hadn’t even noticed until the hormones cleared. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He</span>
  </em>
  <span> was appreciative, he just couldn’t understand why </span>
  <em>
    <span>they</span>
  </em>
  <span> had bothered. What was in it for them? Why did they care?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was the problem, wasn’t it. Because they seemed to care, about </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but he couldn’t guess at what. For some reason, it mattered to them that he was healthy, and happy, and whole. Was it instinct? Propriety? Pride? Did they feel the need to prove they </span>
  <em>
    <span>could</span>
  </em>
  <span> care for a Safeguard? He was under no delusions that it was about him as a person. He remembered their ire too well. He remembered their unwillingness to bed him. They didn’t want </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Were they trying to prove a point? To who? Themselves? Rufus?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud sighed. He yanked the hair tie out of his hair. He was going to get nowhere like this. He was spinning in circles and only getting more confused for it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He turned the shower on, paused for it to warm, as then stepped inside. He went about meticulously scrubbing the remnants of fluids from his skin. All the slick and cum from his thighs and between his legs. The cum that had been splattered up his front. The general sweat from his skin. He carefully worked the shampoo into his hair, trying not to tangle it further before rinsing it. He applied the conditioner, carefully finger-combing the knots from his hair, working his way from the bottom to the top. His hair always was a disaster after a heat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He scrubbed soap over his skin twice before he was satisfied and rinsed both it and the conditioner from him. He didn’t dare linger in the shower. Not when they may all well be waiting for him outside. Who knew what would happen if he stayed in longer than they felt was allowed?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He cut the water and climbed out, toweling off quickly. He dressed as fast as he could before giving himself a cursory glance in the mirror. Nodding to himself, he left the bathroom. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The conversation stopped as everyone looked up at him. Angeal had disappeared to who-knew-where at some point. Genesis had finished constructing a nest, and they were all sitting inside it. Cloud hesitated where he was before taking an unsure step forward. He clasped his hands in front of himself and lowered his eyes demurely. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“None of that, now,” Genesis said breezily, scooting over to make room for Cloud. He patted the space next to him. “There’s plenty of room.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked between Sephiroth and Zack, waiting for their approval. If they didn’t all want him there, he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do. Zack grinned and nodded, and Sephiroth nodded as well, his expression soft. Cloud let out a slow breath before approaching the bed on unsure feet. He was mindful of his dress as he climbed into the nest, careful to show enough skin to entice but not enough to seem immodest. An ‘accidental’ hint of thigh. He was gratified to find that at least Sephiroth and Genesis </span>
  <em>
    <span>looked</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Zack carefully averted his gaze. Maybe they had been loosened up a bit by spending his heat with him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Despite Cloud’s best intentions, he relaxed the second he was in the nest. It was instinctual. Nests were </span>
  <em>
    <span>supposed</span>
  </em>
  <span> to relax omegas—he knew that. He just also knew they were forbidden, and not something he had experienced in many years. Even before being sold, he hadn’t been in a nest outside of a heat since he was a child—he’d found them juvenile, and had been aching to prove he was an adult. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The prolonged lack of exposure made the nest so much more potent than it should be. Cloud’s eyes dropped to half-mast. He swayed dangerously, blinking fast. Genesis chuckled, guiding him with firm hands to sit with him up against the headboard, where at least he wouldn’t fall over. Cloud had to fight the inexplicable urge to curl into Genesis’s side. He blinked heavily. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Angeal will be right back with food,” Zack explained. “Said it’s about time we got some proper food in you. You’ve been living off protein bars throughout the day for the last week.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked. He stared evenly back at Zack, uncomprehending. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Last week?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Uh, yeah? During your heat?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a testament to the effect the nest had on him that he let his brow furrow in confusion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You fed me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course we fed you,” Genesis said, his tone deliberately gentle. “We would hardly let you starve.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud carefully didn’t mention that they had once done just that. It hadn’t been very long, after all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Does the Department not feed you during heats?” Sephiroth asked, his head tilted to one side. He didn’t look saddened, nearly horrified like Zack. Merely curious. It made him easier to look at. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They do. Once a day they separate us from the alphas to eat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud carefully didn’t say how unpleasant the experience was. He only remembered it because he had helped bring food to other omega Safeguards—he couldn’t recall his own experiences with it. He could vividly remember those omegas sobbing and pleading to be allowed an alpha again and eating as fast as they could when told that they wouldn’t be allowed a partner until they had done so. He was only glad that the heat hormones had helped him forget those moments. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis cringed next to him, as Zack grimaced and Sephiroth just hummed in thought. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That sounds dreadful. They wouldn’t let you eat while knotted?” Genesis asked. He was looking at Cloud oddly. Cloud was just relaxed enough to look at him the same way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No? Clients never see us eat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ve seen you eat,” Zack said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s because of this arrangement. It wouldn’t happen in the Department.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Speaking of,” Genesis said as Angeal shouldered the door open and came in with a tray. He glanced at Genesis and raised an eyebrow, but otherwise just came around the bed to hand the tray to Cloud.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud took the tray and carefully set it over his legs, crossing them at the ankle to make room. He felt a little guilty about taking up so much nest-room, but glancing around, no one seemed to mind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On the tray was a single dish of oatmeal with what appeared to be blueberries and almonds in it, with a glass of orange juice on the side. Not extravagant. Not even terribly far outside Cloud’s diet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal set a hand on his shoulder and said, “Something a little smaller this time. You haven’t eaten very much lately, and we don’t want you to get sick.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you very much,” Cloud muttered, looking down at the bowl. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re welcome,” Angeal said, and then he did something odd. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pressed a kiss to Cloud’s hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud stiffened, his head shooting up to look at Angeal with wide eyes. What the hell was that? That wasn’t any kind of kiss Cloud had received before. That wasn’t hot passion, and a tongue down his throat. That wasn’t the teasing ghost of his lips over a client’s with a goal in mind. That had been… casual affection. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Angeal seemed equally casual as he raised his eyebrows before a smile curled over his lips. He sat in the nest, in the gap between Cloud and Sephiroth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Too soon?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” Cloud said on instinct, because it was never too soon for anything. Angeal was free to do whatever he wanted to with Cloud, even if that was… baffling displays of affection? Without any sort of ulterior motive that Cloud could suss out? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then why do you seem shocked?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because… because I don’t understand why.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal hummed, propping an elbow on his crossed legs and his cheek on his knuckles. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re a part of this pack now, Cloud. Whether or not you can consent to more outside of your heat is different than an innocent kiss.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked. A disbelieving laugh bubbled from his lips. Maybe it was the nest working at his instincts, like fingers plucking at knotted thread. Maybe it was a bond forged by a week-long heat. He didn’t know what it was, only that it had him being a little more honest, a little more expressive than he should be. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>what?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A part of the pack. I thought the bites made that clear?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But you didn’t want to. They were part of the contract. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> you didn’t want to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal blinked slowly at him. The calmness, his unhurried relaxation was bringing Cloud down from his alarm to simple confusion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think you know very well that, just because a choice wasn’t yours, doesn’t mean you don’t have to live with it. No, we didn’t bond you willingly. But we did bond you. That makes you a part of this pack.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked. Because, on the one hand, he understood that initial point right down to his bones. But he also knew that last point wasn’t valid. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It makes me </span>
  <em>
    <span>property</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not here. Not to us. We want to make the best of this situation.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then why don’t you?” Cloud asked, looking from Angeal to the others. “There are many things that are within your rights that you haven’t done.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack shook his head, saying, “That was never going to happen, Cloud. We won’t treat you like Rufus.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud glanced around at the others nervously, who were looking curiously between Zack and Cloud now. This conversation was slowly heightening Cloud’s nerves, and with his anxiety came the return of his awareness of the rules. The relaxation faded from him, almost but not quite completely. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Rufus has only ever treated me in a way that was within his rights.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No one has those rights, Cloud. I don’t care what the law says. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No one</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A faint line of confusion appeared in his brow. He turned to Genesis. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is this part of what you mentioned? Your lessons in personhood?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis inclined his head and said, “A good first step is understanding that no one has the right to treat you that way.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud fought the urge to scoff. Because clearly, they did. They had before, and they would continue to, whenever these men succeeded in getting rid of him. No one was going to keep him safe, which meant he had to accept that other people had the right to mistreat him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth looked at him knowingly and said, “Just because you </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> been treated that way, does not mean it was right, or that they had the right to do so.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud fought the urge to squint at him in disbelief. Because of course it did, and of course </span>
  <em>
    <span>they</span>
  </em>
  <span> did. That was how this worked. That was the way of things. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I see,” was what Cloud said instead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you see, then eat, before it gets cold,” Angeal added. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud was glad for the interruption. It got him out of continuing this baffling conversation. He picked up the spoon and carefully put a bite in his mouth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just for the taste of brown sugar to hit his tongue. He moaned softly, not having prepared himself for the rich taste. He had expected something bland, like the porridge they had given him in the Department. But this was </span>
  <em>
    <span>sweet</span>
  </em>
  <span>, with a hint of salt, and had some sort of cream in it, and the blueberries were so </span>
  <em>
    <span>tart. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It was godsdamn </span>
  <em>
    <span>oatmeal</span>
  </em>
  <span>, it wasn’t supposed to taste this good. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There were a few soft laughs, and Cloud glanced around nervously. A hint of a blush came to his cheeks, causing Zack to coo at him. Cloud ducked his head and continued eating in silence, ignoring Genesis’s laugh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As he ate, they discussed things that went over his head. Something about the SOLDIERs, and monster migratory patterns, and what the slums were dealing with. Things that were not Cloud’s concern. He didn’t pay much attention to them, having no use for the information. Once, he would have memorized every scrap, hoping to use it against them. Now, he understood that there was no way to do so, and even if there was, it would only spell trouble when he was caught. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So he ate his food in silence, until he miraculously managed to finish his serving, despite how full he felt. It had been much more meager than what he had been given before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he finished, Angeal stood to take the tray away. Genesis pulled him into his side, with an arm around his shoulder. Cloud pressed provocatively into his side. He had no real interest in sex, but that was what he was here for. Maybe, now that they’d spent a heat with him, they’d agree. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No such luck. Genesis glanced at him from time to time, but didn’t even grope him. Sephiroth looked appreciatively at the image they made together, but didn’t act on it. Zack kept his eyes entirely on polite areas. But, as Angeal came back, the conversation tapered off abruptly. Genesis pulled away, so Cloud did the same. Then Genesis and Zack were leaving the nest entirely, though not before Genesis kissed his temple. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll see you soon, precious,” Genesis muttered, before taking Zack’s hand and tugging him out of the room. Zack looked longingly back at Cloud for a moment before following, and shutting the door behind him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked at Angeal and Sephiroth. Was now the time where they fucked him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They moved, coming to lay together on either side of Cloud, before pulling him down between them. Angeal spooned up behind him, pressing his face to the nape of Cloud’s neck below the cold gold of his collar. Sephiroth scooted close in front of him, burying his face in Cloud’s hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked up as best he could, baffled. He didn’t ask what they were doing, but he didn’t understand. If this was foreplay, it was a form he was unfamiliar with. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It killed us,” Angeal explained. “Not being able to help.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked. That didn’t even make </span>
  <em>
    <span>sense</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You did help.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Some,” Sephiroth agreed. “We could grant you a few minutes of respite. But then you were desperate and suffering again. During the moments of peace, even, there was suffering. The hunger and thirst you wouldn’t ask to be sated. The exhaustion you fought without reason. We couldn’t fix those things.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But that’s how heats go?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“On accelerants, maybe,” Angeal said. “Genesis was horrified. That’s not how a heat is meant to be. And, knowing it was this bad when we were trying to take care of you, and imagining what it must have been like in the Department…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I apologize,” Cloud said immediately. “I didn’t mean to set you so far into your instincts that it would bother you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal’s breath hitched behind him, and both their arms tightened around him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have nothing to apologize for.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was because of my pheromones. I didn’t realize being around them so long would do this. No one alpha spends so much time in my heat-bed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop,” Sephiroth insisted, so Cloud’s mouth shut immediately. “It isn't your fault. We just… we need a moment, to see you as close to okay as you’ll get for now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud appreciated Sephiroth not saying he was okay. He was never fully okay. But he was not any worse than normal, at the moment. He blinked at Sephiroth’s chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How do I help?” Cloud asked, because there had to be some way to improve things. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just…” Angeal started. “Just lay here with us. Let us just be with you, and know that you’re safe for a moment.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud paused, before finally saying, “Alright.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because, really, that wasn’t so bad. He had eaten. He’d had something to drink. He had slept. They had cured him. For being recently out of a heat, he felt damn good. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And, now that the tense conversation had passed, the nest was sinking him back into his hindbrain again. It was hard to think rationally when his instincts were soothed, especially considering how accustomed he was to denying them. Between the nest and the two protective alphas curled up around him, it was little wonder that he was relaxing into the nest, into their arms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He ended up slumped, boneless, in their arms. Angeal purred his approval, only relaxing Cloud further. Sephiroth was carefully scenting Cloud over and over again, occasionally letting out a content sigh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud kept his own arms wrapped carefully around his waist until Sephiroth manually placed one of Cloud’s arms around his own waist. He then tucked Cloud’s face into his chest and held him tighter, making Angeal scoot closer to remain pressed up behind him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Cloud, too blissed-out to think twice, nuzzled against Sephiroth’s chest, Sephiroth began purring for him as well. He had half a mind to purr himself, he was so content, but he was just barely aware enough to remember not to cross that line. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, wrapped in their embrace, it was hard to remember why that mattered. He blames the nest and their protective pheromones wholeheartedly. He promised himself, over and over again, that he would have better control over himself next time. Next time, he would find some way to avoid getting set so far back into his hindbrain. He’d mind himself, and be entirely proper, and they wouldn’t trick him into letting his guard down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A distant part of him wondered why it mattered. Because they didn’t seem to mind when he let his guard down. They seemed to prefer it. He wondered, too content to recognize the thought as dangerous, if maybe it wouldn’t be better to humor them. Maybe he ought to just be what they wanted him to be. Maybe he should just enjoy the chance to do and say and be what he wanted without consequence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even as relaxed as he was, the thought filled him with amusement. Because there was never ‘no consequence.’ There were just consequences he’d yet to see. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still. It was something to think about. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Cloud had a single vice he allowed himself: he bit his nails. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t supposed to, he knew. It meant they often looked ragged, and were too close-cropped to be pretty and omega-like. But nail-biting was not explicitly forbidden, so much as frowned-upon. He could handle frowned-upon. It was one, singular vice. Not even one he’d be punished for. It didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> matter, but Cloud still tried very hard not to be seen at it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But it was okay. He was alone in the room where they kept him, now. Angeal and Sephiroth had left at some point, apologizing to him about paperwork. The second they had left, Cloud had carefully dismantled the nest, folding and piling the supplies at the foot of the bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No, now he was sitting at the headboard, chewing at his nails nervously. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His heat had given him more to think about than he expected. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He just didn’t know what they were playing at. If he was anyone else, he would say they genuinely wanted what was best for him, and cared about his well-being. But he was not anyone else, and he knew that was foolish. People like them did not care about people like him—calling him a person at all was generous, really. They had such high standing. There must be something to it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had to put it in simple terms. What did he know, explicitly and from their own mouths, that they wanted from him? Genesis said he wanted to reintroduce him to personhood. Zack wanted to reach him somehow. Angeal and Sephiroth needed to see him safe, but that could have just been their instincts reacting to his heat pheromones. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He knew that, very early on, one of the first complaints Genesis had was that he hated his ‘perfect omega act.’ He had tried to get him to curse him out, even. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They did not want who he was right now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was supposed to be pleasing at all times. He had been taught how to do that, conditioned, given very strict parameters to work within. He knew how to be pleasing to most people. But, to be pleasing to his current owners, he had to go contrary to all of it. They wanted who he had been, before reconditioning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had to be pleasing. But the only way to do that was dangerous, so dangerous. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal had said he was a part of the pack now. Cloud had known, even in the moment, that that was ridiculous. Still. That implied that they intended to keep him. In theory, that meant there was no harm in it. He could be who he used to be, because Cloud would likely never be around anyone he was used to. If he was only with the pack, then he should please the pack. If they didn’t want his mask, he should discard it. If they were going to keep him, there was no reason not to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It made sense, to try and give them what they wanted. If what they wanted wasn’t so ridiculous, he’d have done it by now. But what he couldn’t understand was </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because he had meant what he told Zack, after his heat. Rufus would never send him somewhere kind. There were a few possibilities. The Firsts were tricking him, and he would be reconditioned if he tried to please them. Maybe Rufus knew what they were like and only meant this to be temporary, with intent to take him back afterward and break him all over again. It could be that Rufus just wanted to see if reconditioning could be undone, and was playing god with Cloud again. Or perhaps Rufus was so blinded by his own wants and expectations, with no idea what the Firsts were really like, and had just assumed they would want what he did. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was going to be a gamble. Either he continued how he was, risking the ire of his current owners when they grew tired of his behavior, or he changed to please them, and risked the ire of his old masters in whatever form would come. He couldn’t know that Rufus and Shinra would come calling, but he did know he was with the Firsts, for the foreseeable future at least. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But, after spending some time with them, they seemed… strangely soft-hearted. He wasn’t sure they could go through with something like reconditioning. Maybe they could—they were SOLDIERs, after all, and First Class at that. But could they do it to </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>, when they would have to feel his anguish second hand?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Firsts would be softer if aggravated, but were a more immediate threat. Rufus and the rest of Shinra would be harder, but were not a guaranteed threat at all. He really, really did not want to be reconditioned again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he had heard things, about one-sided bonds. He hadn’t known about emotional bleed-over, but there was a reason Safeguards understood them to be a mark of ownership. They could force him to do what they wanted, if they just pulled on the bond. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So the question became: if he refused to comply, would they make him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They had done it in small ways. Ordered him to be honest, phrased things so favors to him looked like favors to them. They understood how to play by the parameters he had, how to twist his compulsive compliance to their own needs. They hadn’t resorted to the bond yet, finding ways to get him to cave without it. But if they hit a brick wall, if push came to shove, would they force him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wanted to say no. Zack, at least, was unlikely. He was unwilling to take advantage of Cloud’s questionable ability to consent. He wanted Cloud to have a choice—he was unlikely to strip that from him. Would the others, though, if they felt it was in his best interest? If he refused to eat, for example, would they make him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were the immediate, guaranteed threat, who could punish him however they liked if they didn’t get their way, and could force his hand if they felt it necessary. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It outweighed any distant possibilities. He had to be concerned with surviving </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Who knew if he would survive long enough to be confronted with other outcomes, if he didn’t please the Firsts?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But could he even do it? Could he be what they wanted? It had taken all his force of will to curse at Genesis under orders. Was this even possible?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud chewed his nails. He glanced around the room. He made a quick, executive decision. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He put on his favorite romper. It was a soft, navy blue, with white stars and crescent moons dotting it. It cinched at the waist and had off-the-shoulder sleeves, leaving his collared throat on display. The draw of it to clients was the showed-off shoulders and long, long expanse of leg left by the high hem of the shorts. There was a certain youthfulness to it that some people enjoyed as well. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His heart was racing as he put it on, and as he smoothed his hands down the soft fabric.  He left one hand pressed to the cinch at his waist. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was not something he wore lightly. It was for his own enjoyment, primarily. He wore it only for himself and for the select few customers he knew would enjoy it. It was not the traditional epitome of an omega that he was supposed to be. The Firsts had yet to see him in something that didn’t have a skirt. He had no idea how they’d take it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sat on the bed and played games on the tablet. He was pushing himself enough, today. He couldn’t just wander around the den like this. He’d stay in the room today, unless they came to get him. Who knew, maybe they wouldn’t come see him at all today, and he’d get away with the romper entirely. It would mean him skipping his meals, but he could be okay with that. He wondered if they would be. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He paused the games only to nervously braid his hair. He made the weave more complex than it needed to be, trying to give himself something to focus on. The games weren’t cutting it with distracting him from his anxiety, but he only had so much hair to braid. It wasn’t long before he was back at tapping at the tablet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before he was ready, there was a knock on the door. A quick internal check told him it was Sephiroth on the other side, which meant he needed to answer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come in!” he called. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He very, very carefully did not stand to greet him, as he should. He stayed sitting on the bed, the tablet still in hand. He looked up at Sephiroth, his blood rushing in his ears, as Sephiroth looked him up and down silently. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a long, long pause as he did so, wherein Cloud quietly panicked. Gaia, he had picked wrong. He’d come to the wrong conclusion, and had pissed off the wrong people. He was guaranteed for trouble now, and—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Sephiroth was smiling?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I see you’ve decided to try. That’s good.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud was so, so glad, in that moment, that it was Sephiroth who came to him. Because he never had to explain himself to Sephiroth, the man just knew, inexplicably. He still hadn’t worked out why Sephiroth understood so many simple Safeguard truths, but he did. He came to sit on the bed next to Cloud, who put the tablet to the side. He folded his hands nervously. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… am going to do my best. I don’t promise it will come quickly.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I expect not. Not until you decide to be yourself, instead of trying to give us what we want.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud fought the urge to narrow his eyes suspiciously, on reflex. But then he remembered that his perfect mask wasn’t wanted, so he let the expression happen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I never said—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t have to. You are still focused on self-preservation—for reasons I cannot fault you for. You were taught to obey. This is how you obey us, now that you have seen that you are more in our care than Shinra’s.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud laced his fingers together nervously. A small, demure nervous tic that had always been allowed, because it looked so delicate and omega. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Does that bother you? Why I’m going to try?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not at all. I expect it will sadden the others some, when they figure it out, but I will not tell them.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud had to deliberately allow his brow to furrow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why not?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because I value your privacy. I have shared with them, some, what it is like being under Shinra’s hand. But only to achieve necessary ends. To make Genesis change his mind. To explain how to be sure your needs are met. To allow Zack enough insight to be helpful. But I have no intention of laying out the truth in detail. That will serve neither of us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean, neither of us?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Any truth I tell them about you, I imply about myself. For me to understand you, I must have been in a similar situation, correct? They may infer, or extrapolate, and they do not know every secret I have. I do not like seeing their pity. I do not expect that you would like it either.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud let a smile take his lips, only barely wry instead of pleasant. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It is a bit pitiable.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I like having my nose rubbed in it. Do you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s smile softened, then. Grew a bit wider. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth smiled back. He brushed a stray lock of hair behind Cloud’s ear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then it will be our secret. They still have not figured out that I only caved to their attempts at carving out my personhood to please them at first, after all, and I would like to keep it that way.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud couldn’t help it then: he gaped. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The person Genesis and Angeal did that with was </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth returned Cloud’s earlier wry smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hard to believe?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But you’re so…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t, once. When they found me, I was as obedient as they came. I still am, when it comes down to it. But it is easier to choose to fight, when I think I can get away with it, now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t…” Cloud paused. He swallowed. It felt safe to be honest, right now. Sephiroth was giving him that much, he could return the favor. “I don’t know that I can choose to fight, anymore. I don’t know that I have that in me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth hummed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Our positions are not fully comparable. I was raised to be what you are now, without ever having the chance to be a person. You were a person for a great many years, before having that stripped from you. I do not know how easily the ability returns, once it’s been taken. All I know is that, for me, it got easier with time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud paused, looking down at his hands in consideration. Then he looked back up at Sephiroth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How much time do I have, here? Please be honest.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“To be honest, I do not know. As far as I know, you have forever. We will keep you as long as we are allowed. But, should Shinra decide to reclaim you, we cannot stop them. There was a clause in the contract about that, after all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud couldn’t help it. He gaped. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There was </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A clause. Shinra can demand you back at any time, without reason. Did you not know? I was told you signed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I did,” Cloud said, feeling strangely hollow. Too numb even for hopelessness. “Rufus neglected to tell me about that portion.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth paused for a beat before softly saying, “And you could not read it for yourself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” Cloud whispered. “No, I couldn’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth reached out, setting a hand on his bare knee. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shinra hates relinquishing control. They were not going to sign you away without a way to take you back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I see that now,” Cloud said, his voice as hollow as he felt as he stared ahead of himself. “I thought the only way I would go back is if you sent me. If I failed somehow, or displeased you enough, or you made a convincing case to Shinra. I didn’t think they wanted me anymore.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shinra never willingly loses an asset.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m hardly an asset.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are a key asset. The ties between you and the Presidential family are too close to be ignored. Your absence has been keenly noticed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud finally turned to look at him, faintly bewildered through the numbness. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Noticed by who?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Everyone. The rumors have been circulating wildly. That it was a punishment to be sent to a famously closed-off pack that does not welcome new members. That it was a reward to be sent to high ranking officers and taken out of rotation. That it was a punishment to </span>
  <em>
    <span>us</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and you were collateral. That it was a reward for us, to be given the President’s own possible bastard.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud hummed softly and looked forward again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And what have you said about these rumors?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing. We do not address them. The closest we came to commenting was explaining why we were coming off mission rotation—for your heat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud hummed again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you were all let off rotation with congratulations to go break in your new omega.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud appreciated that he at least didn’t sugar-coat it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And your response was?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“To remind them that you are now the concern of our pack, and our pack only. Which I am told was territorial of me, but it remains true.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud huffed a laugh. He felt so dazed. The laughter faded quickly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You understand that, if Shinra can take me back at any time, it is not in my best interest to change.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It is not guaranteed that they will take you. I do not find it particularly likely.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What will happen if they </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> take me, and I have changed how you want me to, will be very bad.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ve done reconditioning once. You could survive it again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That is much easier to say when you haven’t been through it. You don’t know the details.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know them well. I have reconditioned Safeguards. It was a part of my training, and something I did not have a choice in.” There was a brief pause, before, “Does that bother you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It knocked a wry laugh out of Cloud, who finally looked back to Sephiroth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How could it? </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ve</span>
  </em>
  <span> reconditioned other Safeguards. It’s part of the process.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth’s face turned grim. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was not aware.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud hummed and tilted his head, saying, “No. Because you were being trained. There was no need for you to see any part of it that didn’t teach you something.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth frowned then, wondering how much more about reconditioning he didn’t know. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Still. You do not know they will take you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They wouldn’t have written that into the contract if they weren’t planning on it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It may just be a safety net. They may only want the option.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shinra does nothing without intent. You should know that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They also will do everything to leave as many opportunities available to them as possible. They do not relinquish assets. It is a safety measure, Cloud.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud shook his head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know Rufus how I do. He would not have sent me here for any other reason than to cause misery. Either you aren’t living up to his expectations, or you are, and this whole endeavor is an excuse to get me to earn reconditioning again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Let me talk to Rufus. I’ll see if I can’t pin something down.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t do that. He’s too perceptive. He’ll figure out why you’re asking, and if you’re not playing into his hand, he’ll know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He may not.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He will. I know him, Sephiroth. Please, don’t speak to him about me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth paused, but eventually nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If that is your preference. Does this change your mind?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked at him sidelong. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. He is a possibility—you and yours are a certainty.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That he was referring to them as a threat was thinly veiled at best, which was exactly why he had to dare himself to say it. But Sephiroth had been plain with him. He could return the favor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth nodded readily enough, not at all perturbed to be referred to as a threat. He seemed to know it was coming. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then come with me,” he said, climbing to his feet. “You need to eat, and it will give you a chance to give this a try.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud paused, looking up at Sephiroth, who extended a hand out to him. He paused, for a long time, before taking it. He let Sephiroth help him to standing, then out to the kitchen for a meal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was too much riding on this to stay cooped up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>————————</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You called for me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis stared down at Rufus, sitting behind his desk, with unveiled disdain. Rufus did not so much as bristle at the display. He just waved a hand toward the chair opposite him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I did. Take a seat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis sat, and Rufus folded his hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I help you, Vice President?” Genesis said, his voice barely restraining his anger. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can. How is Cloud?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cloud isn’t in your </span>
  <em>
    <span>tender care</span>
  </em>
  <span> any longer.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rufus hummed before tapping his fingers on the desk. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then you’ve moved past the slight against your pride. I take it Cloud has shared some of our… history?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis grit his teeth, unsure of how much he should share. But it didn’t matter—Rufus plowed on without him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course he did, he would have just had his heat. He always was particularly talkative before and after, even for an omega. And I expect at least one of you realized that and took advantage.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you want, Vice President?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“To check in.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Why?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because I believe our goals align, but I would like to be sure.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis scoffed, folding his arms and raising an eyebrow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I doubt that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You want what’s best for Cloud. So do I.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have a fucked up way of showing it, </span>
  <em>
    <span>sir</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rufus allowed himself a wry smile before leaning back in his chair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I trust that whatever I say here will remain between us?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rufus raised an eyebrow, but smiled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine. As long as Cloud doesn’t know. He would not want to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Alright. What do you have to say for yourself?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rufus folded his hands on the desk again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When Cloud arrived here, I took him beneath my wing, so to speak, because of the rumors. I found them far-fetched, but he was going to be notorious for them. I elected to break him myself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“To keep it in the family?” Genesis sneered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“To prove that even family ties would not stop me from doing as I saw fit. It was a threat to my father. My father saw that, and called my bluff. A paternity test was run within a week of Cloud’s arrival.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But that didn’t stop you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. I had a point to prove. I never opened the envelope with the results. I told myself it didn’t matter, what they were. I shredded the envelope in front of him to make a point, that I would not back down, and that blood would not bind me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you carried on making your point, letting Cloud be collateral, until he insulted your mother.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes. I was furious with him. I only told him we were running a test because I knew it would devastate him. I did not tell him it had been run years ago.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s figured that out by now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course he has. He’s intelligent,” Rufus said dismissively. “I got a copy of the results right after telling him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis’s breath hitched. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And he’s my brother.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis popped to his feet. He paced away from the desk, took a deep breath, and then marched back up to it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Rufus Shinra, you sick </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, yes, I understand. Sit so we can be practical. </span>
  <em>
    <span>We</span>
  </em>
  <span> are having this conversation, because you are the most likely to overlook my moral failings. Do not let me be wrong about you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis sneered. He knew he and morality had shaky ties, but he did not need to hear that from </span>
  <em>
    <span>Rufus</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, the point was made. Because Genesis stood to gain from this conversation. He needed the precious insight Rufus had. If he had to tolerate his presence to receive it, so be it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rufus continued, “He walked out the front door before I could intervene, once I had the results. Once he did, my hands were tied. Reconditioning is mandatory for Safeguards who trigger their chip. I had overseen Cloud thus far, and it would be suspect if I didn’t oversee his reconditioning. I’m perfectly aware that Cloud will not bear the news well. If I showed sudden favoritism, he would have figured it out. As I said, he is intelligent.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am not proud of what has happened, Genesis. I am doing what I can to fix that now. Giving him to you was the best step to do that. You two rehabilitated Sephiroth, you can do the same for Cloud. You have the standing to keep him safe. I will keep Shinra off your backs. No one will come looking for him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis took a long moment, looking Rufus up and down, as he deliberated about what to say. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then what about your clause about taking him back?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That is in case I have misjudged you. If you mistreat him, or give me any semblance of due cause, I will take him back, bond-bites be damned. Our relation will come to light, but I will take him under my protection instead. That is not my best option.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you elected to tell me this, why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“To impress upon you that it is crucial you succeed. To make it perfectly, achingly clear that, if you fail, I will make all of your lives </span>
  <em>
    <span>miserable. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Clearly, I am quite good at it. Can I trust you with this?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You want us to, what, fix your mistakes?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Not because I deserve absolution. But because he deserves better than I have given him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis folded his arms over his chest. He sighed, then frowned. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, at least you know that much. Luckily for you, I don’t hold a man’s family against him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The tension visibly bled from Rufus. He leaned back in his chair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For what it’s worth, thank you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mm, I don’t suppose you’d accept a black eye as part of your ‘absolution?’”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have an interview tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That isn’t a ‘no.’”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Next time I’m drunk and guilty, I’ll call you. Until then, go help my brother. Gods know he needs it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis stood and swept from the room, partially because he had much to think about, but mostly because, if he stayed in Rufus’s presence any longer, there would be violence. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Cloud followed Sephiroth through the den, checking internally to see who he may run into. No one else was anywhere close by, leaving him alone with Sephiroth. He was led into the kitchen, where Sephiroth began pulling ingredients from the refrigerator. Unlike Genesis, he didn’t ask for his input on what to prepare. Cloud found himself deeply glad for it—he was already too far outside the mold he was made to fit, today. He didn’t need to step further outside of it by trying to force himself to have an honest opinion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Sephiroth set up the cutting boards and vegetables, he beckoned Cloud closer with one hand. Nervously, Cloud went to stand at his side. He thought he may know where this was going, but surely not.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Except, yes. There Sephiroth was, holding a kitchen knife out to him. Cloud swallowed hard. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We aren’t allowed—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I trust you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He might, but he probably shouldn’t. It would be a bad idea to give most Safeguards a weapon. Only the seasoned, who had already been properly broken, knew better than to try to harm someone; they had learned what the consequences would be. And those seasoned Safeguards should </span>
  <em>
    <span>still</span>
  </em>
  <span> not be trusted with weaponry—if they were that broken, many of them would turn the blade on themselves, knowing damn well what their only hope for escape was. Cloud was too stubborn and spiteful for such a path, but many weren’t. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re sure?” Cloud asked, right hand halfway outstretched for the handle, but hesitating. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth only nodded and held it out further. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed nervously, but reached out to take it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And it felt strangely anticlimactic. Nothing happened, just the cool rubber of the grip against his palm. He blew out a slow, shaky breath and grabbed one of the zucchini. He slowly, carefully went about chopping it into neat half-moons. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But as he went, it became clear something was wrong. Something didn’t feel quite right. Sephiroth was chopping next to him in silence, it couldn’t be him. No, it was a strange tingling in his palm. He wondered what it was, but ignored it. He couldn’t stop focusing on how the handle felt in his grip, how strange and foreign. Unnatural. He disliked it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The more glaring it became, how much he disliked it, the more he wondered why, the more his palm tingled. It began prickling, and he realized. He was remembering not all the times he had helped his mother in the kitchen. As he put it together, his palm sprang to life, burning like he held a flame. He was remembering the last time he’d been allowed a blade. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had thought, at the time, that halfway through reconditioning was an odd time to hand a Safeguard a weapon. But then he realized the handle of the knife was metal, not plastic, and orange for a very different reason. They cast a Regen on him, as they did whenever something painful was about to happen and they didn’t want him to scar. As ordered, he took the glowing, metal knife in his hand, whimpering as it immediately began to burn his palm. A hand wrapped around his, stopping him from just dropping the blade. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’d had to hold it for gods knew how long. He had been screaming and crying for what felt like hours before they let him release the blade, long having had fallen to his knees. They didn’t allow him very long before forcing him to hold it with his other hand. They went back and forth between palms, burning and burning and burning him until his repulsion to knives was embedded into the core of him. They repeated this process with every easy-to-find weapon he may ever come across. They didn’t relent until they were certain Cloud was completely toothless, that there was no feasible way for him to harm himself or others. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud had to fight to remember where he was, that he was here in the kitchen with Sephiroth, and not in the reconditioning rooms. He bit his tongue hard enough that the sharpness brought him to present, and he could see the vegetables on the cutting board. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright, Cloud?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shit. How long had his hands been still?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” he answered, resuming his cutting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Only, now he was having a new problem. Now there was a ghost of that fire in his palm. He had to very, very carefully focus on keeping his breathing steady, his hand steady. He was glad he was mostly through the vegetables. The ghost of the molten metal built slowly, gradually but inevitably. He wanted nothing more than to put the knife </span>
  <em>
    <span>down</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but he had said he would try. He would do what they wanted. He would be who they wanted. They wanted him unbroken, and functional. They wanted him to be able to do these small things. He would have to succeed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The last few chops were hurried and sloppy, but Cloud didn’t care. He was much too relieved to be able to put the knife down. He took a step backward away from the cutting board, putting his hands behind his back so he could cradle his right, that was uninjured but still felt burnt to a cinder. He released a shaky breath. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth glanced up at him curiously, but nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can finish the rest. Thank you for your help.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Cloud muttered, not explaining why he was thanking him at all. He simply hurried to the countertop bar and sat at one of the stools. While Sephiroth was occupied, Cloud cradled his right hand in his left on his lap. He slowly, slowly steadied his breath as the pain dwindled down and away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud found himself exhausted. He hadn’t known to expect the pain, and keeping it hidden was hard enough. He couldn’t have let Sephiroth know, though. He wasn’t sure how he would react, if he knew. He had reconditioned Safeguards, so he had to know what Cloud’s relationship with weaponry was like. He didn’t necessarily know that it would hurt, however. Or maybe he did know, and it had been a test? Had he passed or failed? Was he </span>
  <em>
    <span>supposed </span>
  </em>
  <span>to say something? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud let out an inaudible sigh and looked to Sephiroth, who was searing some sort of… steak? Gaia, Cloud couldn’t remember the last time he’d had red meat. That was a food for alphas, as far as the dieticians were concerned. He wasn’t sure if he should say something, or keep it to himself. They had all been very clear that they controlled his diet, now. Sephiroth was unlikely to change his mind. Cloud certainly didn’t want him to, but what if he was seen, having gained weight? What would Rufus say? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed. He didn’t like knowing that Rufus could take him back at any time. That, in the blink of an eye, all these privileges could disappear. He was spoiled already, he knew. Plentiful, flavorful food, showers that never ran out of hot water, owners who were patient and tolerant, who seemed to want the best for him. The other Safeguards would be livid with jealousy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It would be hard, so hard to have that all ripped away if Rufus took him back. He realized with sudden, aching clarity that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted </span>
  </em>
  <span>to stay here. He’d arrived unwilling, and with such dread. There were still many moments of dread, and so much uncertainty, but he could acknowledge now that things were better here than they were on the Safeguard floor. It was why it was so damn suspicious that Rufus had sent him here. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Unless it wasn’t Rufus? Was it President Shinra, taking away his son’s pet project? He knew father and son did not necessarily get along, but he found it hard to believe that the President gave a damn what happened to him. If he did, it was only for the effect it would have on Rufus. But would that be enough to interest him at all?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud flexed his hand, looking down at it, lost in thought. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there ruminating. He thought he was close to deciphering if he could trust the pack because the President, not Rufus, had sent him, but then a plate was put down in front of him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked up to thank Sephiroth, just for the nearby front door to open and snap shut. Sephiroth looked up, one hand still on the plate, so Cloud turned to look as well. Genesis was sweeping into the apartment, pausing only when he caught Cloud’s eye. Cloud flinched away from the intense, possibly angry look on his face, and lowered his eyes on instinct, before he could think about it. People entering a room like that rarely spelled good things for him, after all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He heard Genesis’s tongue click, and flinched again, as if it was a gunshot. Disappointment was as bad as anger in many cases. He curled his shoulders as Genesis came marching up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Only to curl his index finger beneath Cloud’s chin, lifting his face gently to kiss his forehead. Cloud blinked his eyes open to look at Genesis with confused wonder. He only realized, when he went to shutter his expression, that he wasn’t supposed to. That he wasn’t supposed to flinch and look away and curl his shoulders, either. Cloud’s hands tightened around one another, the lingering burning in his palm a reminder of where he was. He swallowed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What has you in such a state?” Sephiroth asked, finally stepping away to get Cloud silverware. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing to be discussed right now,” he said, distracted by looking Cloud up and down. “This is nice. Seeing you try to look a little less omega.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud flinched again before he could stop himself, and before he could think, he was saying, “I’m sor—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Genesis put his finger over Cloud’s lips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You may look as much or as little like a stereotype as you’d like. It is just nice to see you branch out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed nervously, but nodded. Genesis smiled softly and tucked the one loose lock Cloud had missed in his braid behind his ear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Now, you should eat,” Genesis said, nodding from the food and the silverware Sephiroth just put down. “You never seem to eat enough.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud carefully didn’t mention that a part of it was their complete lack of a standard feeding schedule for him to follow—that would seem ungrateful, and he was very, very grateful. He didn’t need more than what he was given. The thought was only an answer to Genesis’s complaint, but he didn’t want Genesis to take it the wrong way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead, he looked back to the food. To the steak he had been eyeing so longingly. He really was allowed to have it. Did they even realize how much they spoiled him? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud picked up the fork and spoon, intending to pull it apart that way, as he had been taught years ago with other foods. He didn’t even manage to touch it before Genesis was tutting. He looked up at him in confusion, just for Genesis to pluck the spoon from his hand and slip a knife into its place. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud flinched again, as the burning started immediately this time. He looked away and hoped no one noticed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright?” Sephiroth asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” Cloud said, without looking up at him. He went about cutting the steak, his palm feeling like there was flame licking it. He was carefully controlling his breathing, and put the knife down as soon as he could justify it. He couldn’t even taste the food, he was so distracted by the pain. They were watching him, though, and he had to perform. He had to be what they wanted. He picked at the vegetables and potatoes to buy time, but the burning barely subsided. When he had to pick up the knife again, it only doubled. His breath shook. He put the knife back down, stalled. He picked it back up. The pain doubled again. His hand was starting to shake. He couldn’t make it stop. He couldn’t make it stop, he was shaking too badly to even make the cut, and his eyes were pricking with tears. Fuck. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>, there was no way they weren’t going to notice. His hands hovered above the plate, trembling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cloud, what’s wrong?” Genesis asked, one hand touching his back. Cloud hissed in a shivering breath. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It—it hurts,” he whispered. He didn’t dare put the knife down. He shouldn’t have even admitted that much, but it hurt, it hurt so badly and he couldn’t, he couldn’t think, not at all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What hurts?” Sephiroth asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The knife.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Between one blink and the next, Sephiroth took his hand and twisted, flexing it and forcing him to drop the knife. Cloud whimpered in pain, squeezing his eyes shut as Sephiroth examined his palm. But this was how burns worked, they lingered even after the heat was removed. His palm still </span>
  <em>
    <span>burned</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and his free hand was clutching at the fork so hard. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your hand looks fine,” Sephiroth said, sounding bewildered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Burns,” Cloud whispered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Burns?” Genesis said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t—oh. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I see,” Sephiroth followed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“See what?” Genesis asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Part of reconditioning is training so that they won’t touch weaponry. I thought the point was to teach that attempts would be met with pain. I didn’t realize the Safeguards were being taught an association.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Association with what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of pain with the item. Hold a molten knife handle long enough, and you associate the burning with the knife. Enough to relive the pain, apparently.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud was glad he didn’t have to explain. He wasn’t sure he’d be that coherent right now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth’s grip went lax, so Cloud pulled his hand back, cradling it to his chest. He curled around it some, his head hung. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, get him some ice at least!” Genesis demanded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ice won’t help,” Sephiroth said. “The pain is psychosomatic. Nerve stimulation, however appropriate, will not actually help.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” Cloud insisted through gritted teeth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Beg pardon, but no you are not,” Genesis said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud forced himself to uncurl. He couldn’t afford to not be alright. He had to be fine, always. As Sephiroth had once said, you find a way to be fine or you find your way to your grave. He had to be fine. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So, in a fit of sheer stubbornness, Cloud went to continue eating, just for both Genesis and Sephiroth to stop his hand with a touch each. He looked up and between them, bewildered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis plucked the fork from his hand, picked up the knife, and went about cutting the food. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We will figure out a way around this,” Genesis assured. “But for now, until your hand stops hurting, we’ll take care of it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Take care of it?” Cloud asked, watching dazedly as Genesis went about cutting his food. He felt as if this ought to be self-explanatory, but that his brain was just moving too slow to understand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just cooperate,” Genesis said, glancing up at Cloud. And Cloud found that odd, because he was compulsively cooperative these days. He understood a little better when Genesis finished cutting, speared a piece of meat, and held it up to Cloud’s mouth, saying, “Say ‘ahhh.’”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked at him in disbelief, but when Genesis grinned, he sighed. He leaned forward, pulling the mouthful free. He chewed slowly, finally able to taste the food, and moaned softly for it. Frankly, if the cost of the meal was his burning hand, he’d pay it. Pain seemed a small cost to him, as long as it wasn’t constant. This was bearable, and he’d be happy to pay it again. His shoulders relaxed and his eyes slipped shut. It really did taste so good. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He almost dreaded when they realized how they spoiled him, because certainly they would stop. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Beautiful,” he heard Genesis whisper, and Sephiroth’s deep hum of agreement. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud let his eyes drift open, looking up at Genesis. Genesis smiled softly at him, and Cloud smiled back. He could almost forget about the way his hand throbbed like this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was something distinctly omega about how Genesis fed him. It was nurturing, caring in a way he hadn’t realized Genesis allowed himself to be. Genesis seemed to be soaking up the interaction, breathing in the way he was helping his ‘injured packmate.’ Cloud could hear the faintest hint of a purr in Genesis’s chest. His eyes were adoring as he watched every movement and gesture from Cloud. Cloud wondered if maybe they wouldn’t stop spoiling him at all, even if they realized—not if they enjoyed the process as much as Genesis seemed to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They both lost track of Sephiroth, too wrapped up in each other to be paying much attention, until he whisked the plate away when it was empty. That was when Genesis and Cloud realized they were staring at one another. A slow smile curled across Genesis’s face, and Cloud did something strange in response. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He blushed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t something that happened very often, not on accident like this. He had learned how to conjure up embarrassing situations in his head to force the pink to his cheeks, but it didn’t just </span>
  <em>
    <span>happen</span>
  </em>
  <span> like this. He was fucked all day long, in lewd and crude and deeply perverted ways—which was all very routine to him at this point. He had no reason to be embarrassed over anything typical. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So why the hell was he blushing over—whatever this was?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for your help, and—and excuse me,” Cloud said, immediately hopping down from the stool. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Cloud</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Genesis called, soft laughter in his tone. Cloud could hear him getting down from his stool, but he was already hurrying back to the safety of his room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let him have a moment, Genesis,” Sephiroth said from somewhere behind him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud was so, so grateful, as he scurried back to his room and shut the door behind him. He leaned up against it, putting his burning face in his palms and groaning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What the hell had </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> been?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because Genesis was just being practical—</span>
  <em>
    <span>clearly</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Cloud was going to struggle to eat, so he stepped in to help. Typical omega behavior, if a little more so than he had come to expect from Genesis. It had just—it had been more tender, than Cloud had been expecting. The soft look in Genesis’s eyes, the way he kept glancing at Cloud’s mouth, the purr in his chest. He seemed to savor every little sound of enjoyment Cloud made, any hint of it that crept onto his face. And Cloud had felt… relaxed, with him. Safe, in a way that was foreign. The throbbing of his palm was a familiar note of pain, an undercurrent that made him believe it was still real. That gave him an excuse to tolerate the behavior, instead of protesting, even though it was clearly what Genesis wanted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And he was getting wrapped up in their wants. He knew he had to please them, but he was starting to think that maybe he </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted </span>
  </em>
  <span>to. That maybe it wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span> about fear, or even a longing for who he had once been. It wasn’t even about trying to repay the favor for the privileges they had granted him. He just… wanted to make them happy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What the fuck was </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> about?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud pulled his palm from his face to curl it, trying to aggravate the pain, to ground himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Except, it didn’t hurt at all anymore. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That made sense. His skin had taken no actual damage. Sephiroth </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> said it was all psychosomatic. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Genesis had </span>
  <em>
    <span>certainly</span>
  </em>
  <span> distracted him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud groaned. He slid to sitting against the door and put his face in his hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What was he supposed to do? None of this was </span>
  <em>
    <span>safe. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shinra could take him back at any time. He couldn’t afford to get </span>
  <em>
    <span>attached. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He knew he always did get attached, just a little, to the kind ones. It had happened with Kunsel especially, who had tried to care for him in what little ways he was allowed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he was in the pack’s care now, completely—they had bonded him. They weren’t limited how Kunsel was. They could be as caring as they were inclined to be, and they seemed very inclined. Soft beds, hot showers, rich and plentiful food. Respected boundaries—so respected that it could be frustrating, in Zack’s case. They had been willing to help him through his heat, despite any reservations, because he had wanted the help. Angeal had kissed his hair so casually, and said he was part of the pack. Genesis accepted him, despite his initial distress, and was working so hard now to bring him back to who he used to be, to care for him however he could. Sephiroth understood him, and was working to help the others understand him—and they wanted to. They wanted to understand him, and help him, and care for him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was almost impossible to believe, but the evidence was adding up before his eyes. Every second of every day, it grew harder to believe they had it out for him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He just didn’t understand </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was no one. He was less than no one. He was property, bought and sold. His own family didn’t want him—not his mother, and if his father and brother were who it looked like they might be, then certainly not them either. He was an object to be used, nothing more. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He wasn’t a person</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and he didn’t know what to do, now that he was being treated like one. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were all expecting too much from him. He was trying to be what they wanted, but he didn’t know that he ever really could. He was going to disappoint them, somehow, sooner or later, and they would realize that simple truth. He just wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>enough</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and never would be. He was so, so afraid of what would happen when they realized that. Would they finally get rid of him then? When they realized he couldn’t be what they wanted, only what Shinra wanted, would they just give him back?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He whined softly, ducking his head and wrapping his arms around it to hide, his knees pulled to his chest so he could bury his face in them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t know what he was going to do when he lost their kindness. When he was shoved back into Rufus’s waiting arms, he was going to well and truly break. He didn’t know what would be left of him, then. Maybe that would be what it took for him to finally let go of his spite and just give up. Maybe this would be what finally pushed him over the edge, and make him seek out the only real reprieve waiting for him, the single surefire way out of Shinra. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He laughed softly as the hopelessness and misery bubbled up in him again, familiar and comfortable. He felt so cold. He had felt so, so warm, there with Genesis and Sephiroth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wished his hand still hurt. At least that would be a pain he knew he could bear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>———————</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis paced the kitchen. He kept glancing down the hall where he could feel Cloud’s presence. Sephiroth stood, leaning against the counter with his arms folded, looking down the hall as well. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What </span>
  <em>
    <span>happened</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Genesis said with a sinking in his gut as he looked to Sephiroth, who seemed to understand Cloud at a level the rest of them simply did not. “Things were going so well. He was so </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy</span>
  </em>
  <span>—you felt it too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Sephiroth agreed. “And now I feel his anguish.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well? Where is your miraculous insight?” Genesis asked, waspish. He was lashing out at Sephiroth without cause, he knew. His frustration was for the situation, not his mate. But Sephiroth bore his temper as well as he ever did, simply blinking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He is not a man accustomed to happiness.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then it ought to be better when he finally has some.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Sweeter to have, and harder to lose.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He won’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>lose </span>
  </em>
  <span>anything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I doubt he believes that. He is in there, panicking and despairing about what he will do if he’s taken from us. But that’s a good thing. That’s what we want.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Excuse me</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but I do not want him panicked or in despair.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, not that part. That is the growing pains. But what it means, that he fears leaving, is that he now wants to stay. That’s good.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis hummed, looking back down the hall. He folded his arms and drummed his fingers against one. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shinra won’t take him back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We don’t know that. We can’t make such promises.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just spoke to Rufus. He won’t take him back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth finally turned to look at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What did he say?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cloud is his brother, but he only found out recently. He wants to make amends, as far as he’s able. That’s where we come in. He only plans to take him back if we mistreat Cloud—which we won’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth hummed, looking back down the hall. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s good, but not very helpful in the end.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How so?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can’t tell him. He won’t want to know his family ties.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Surely there is a way around that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There may be a way to convince him Shinra will not take him back, but I doubt it. It would have to be a reason completely unrelated to Rufus. Anything else, and he’ll put it together.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll think on it. Between us, we’ll come up with something.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We agree not to tell Zack and Angeal, then?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Naturally. Angeal is so honorbound he’ll tear off after Rufus for doing what he did to his own blood. Zack can’t keep a secret to save his life. No, this stays between us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good. This will be delicate enough to handle without moral grandstanding getting in the way.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis snorted a laugh, a wry smile on his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love them dearly, but they do do that, don’t they?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“More often than is strictly helpful.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bless their hearts, but they can be an impediment.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth hummed his agreement, before saying, “Come help me with the dishes. There’s nothing else productive to get done.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not everything needs to be productive.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can brainstorm while we’re at it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, now I’m more inclined.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Zack leaned over the railing on the top of Shinra Tower, his elbows propped on it, one hand upraised to press his cigarette into his mouth. He took a long drag before blowing it out slowly. Genesis would scold him when he came home smelling like smoke later—he always hated the smell. Angeal would grill him to be sure he smoked out in the public eye, to be sure he didn’t plant ideas in the heads of unenhanced populace who would be more hurt by the practice. Sephiroth would just look at him closely, trying to gauge his mental state through physical clues. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Smoking was Zack’s favorite vice, but one he indulged in rarely. It was for very good and very bad days exclusively. Sometimes it was celebratory. Sometimes it was because he was holding on by his fingernails. Today was the latter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He dropped his forehead into his waiting palm and took another drag. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud was… a lot. Don’t get him wrong, he liked him. A lot, actually. He was sweet, in his own way, but he was just… he didn’t think Cloud would argue if he said he was broken. He needed tender care, and Zack liked to give him that, but it was still hard. It was so, so hard to see this little sweetheart flinch and fear them when they were only trying to be kind. It broke Zack’s heart in measures to be around him. But he wanted to see him, constantly. They wouldn’t make progress if they left him alone, and Zack knew, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> they could break him from his shell. It would just take time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And until they made some more significant progress, Zack planned on taking more regular smoke breaks. He thought he’d need them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What he didn’t need was the door to the staircase flinging open and bouncing off the wall. He knew it could be anyone, but there were a limited amount of people he ran into up here, and only one entered like that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yo, Fair!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack wanted to hit his head against a wall. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Reno, I do not want to see you right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t do anything!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, but I wanna strangle your boss, and you kiss his ass.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Listen, I wanted to talk to you about that,” Reno said, sidling up beside Zack. He pulled out his own cigarette and lit it, and Zack was glad he didn’t try to bum off him how he usually did. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I want to hear it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Listen, I can’t tell you the details, boss is picky about who knows,” Reno said. “But he feels like shit about what he did to Cloud. He’s trying to help, y’know?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I don’t know. Why would I believe that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“‘Cause it’s true, and I’m gonna prove it. Cloud isn’t the first Safeguard Rufus has gotten out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... He’s not?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. There’s this other omega, Aerith. Hojo was a real creep about her. He kept pushing that they take her IUD out so she’d get pregnant with little SOLDIER brats. He really wanted her to get with your boytoy General.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop calling him that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think little silver-headed pups would be cute too, but Sephiroth never said he wanted them, and she definitely didn’t. Rufus got her transferred too, but to the Turks, instead of the Firsts.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why the hell did he bother? He doesn’t have sympathy for Safeguards.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For a lot of reasons. Because Hojo needed to be put in his place, and taking away his pet project did that. To show he has the power to do it in the first place. Because Tseng had been sweet on her for years. It solved a lot of problems.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Gods forbid he just do the right thing,” Zack grumbled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s he supposed to do, liberate the whole department? His old man won’t let that happen. He’s gotta pick his battles, and only fight when it’s worth making a point. Sometimes the way to do that is to save someone. Sometimes it’s to make someone’s life hell, like when he managed Cloud.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>point</span>
  </em>
  <span> to that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The </span>
  <em>
    <span>point</span>
  </em>
  <span> is that you need some help, yeah? Could use an ex-Safeguard’s insight?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Maybe.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Boss okayed me to take you to her. You’re cleared to visit when you want, you and your boys. Not Cloud, obviously, he can’t leave, and she can’t come back to the Tower, but. Can’t hurt, yeah?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Yeah,” Zack decided, stubbing out his cigarette on the guardrail before dropping it over the side, Reno mimicking him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Reno prattled about nothing as he wound them through the Tower, onto the train, and down below plate. Zack thought it odd, that they would keep the Turk’s Safeguard below plate, but she was thoroughly hidden down here. Safe from anyone, like Hojo, who may want her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack was surprised again when Reno led him to a church, and further surprised to find a patch of flowers growing in the middle. He’d have to send Angeal down—the flowers here were clearly doing better than his houseplants. Maybe she had tips she could share. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Who must have been the Safeguard, curiously missing a collar, was gardening with what appeared to be Cissnei at her side, both their hands buried in the dirt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yo Ciss! Swap out,” Reno called, leading Zack toward the patch of flowers. Cissnei glanced up, nodded briefly at Zack, and then stood up, dusting off her hands. The other girl looked up, still kneeling, and tilted her head curiously. Zack waved, and she smiled, standing up and dusting off her hands and pink dress. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi Zack,” Cissnei said, walking down the aisle toward them. They paused when they met at the second pew. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey. What’s going on here?” Zack asked, glancing over her shoulder at the ex-Safeguard, who Reno was hanging off of, one arm around her shoulders as she rolled her eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Reno will catch you up. Take care,” she said before dodging by him and leaving the church. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Which left Zack with Reno and this stranger. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is Aerith,” Reno announced, jostling her shoulders with his arm. “Used to be a Safeguard, now an honorary Turk, under our guard, so no funny business.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He doesn’t seem the ‘funny business’ type,” Aerith said, a little smile on her face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Zack here,” Reno continued, without waiting for his input, “was just given a Safeguard—him and his pack, anyway. We were hoping you might be able to give him some tips. Were you still around when Cloud Strife was there?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aerith hummed and said, “Yes. I used to tell him all the trouble he caused was going to catch up with him. Did it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yup,” Reno said, popping the ‘p.’ “Went through reconditioning.” At that, Aerith hissed, grimacing. “Yeah. Zack could have handled old-Cloud, but new-Cloud? Different story.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aerith nodded readily, then tilted her head toward the garden. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you come help? We’ll talk.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack nodded slowly as Reno slipped away, going to lounge on the pew. He followed Aerith to the flower patch and knelt with her as she continued weeding. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Reconditioning is hard,” Aerith said. “I never went through it, but I knew people who did. They come back broken after. I can imagine Cloud’s worse than average. It would have taken a lot to break him. It’s going to take a lot to undo that. You want to help that much?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Zack admitted softly, starting to weed with her. “We had to bond him as part of the contract we signed to take him, but it’s beyond that. I want him whole, y’know? He deserves that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He does. If you get him back to who he was, he’ll be a handful—but stories say you’re a handful, you’ll be fine,” Aerith said, shooting him a little grin that he was helpless to do anything but return. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want to see him like that,” Zack said before his smile fell. “Aerith, he… he’s just so afraid. All the time. And when he’s not afraid, he’s miserable, and when he’s not miserable, he’s hopeless. There’s all this dark in him, and I don’t know how to shine a light.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Patience,” she promised. “It took time for the Turks to get me out of that, and I hadn’t been reconditioned. Safeguards learn how to keep our heads down. We’re always looking for how to keep out of trouble. How to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>pleasing. </span>
  </em>
  <span>That’s the key to it all, really. We don’t live for ourselves. We live for the whims of others. You have to teach him how to have his own whims again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack huffed. It sounded impossible. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>How</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s got whims already—little, insignificant things that he bottles up immediately and replaces with what he thinks yours are. Ask him what he wants, and tell him you want him to be honest. Don't be broad about it, either. You need specifics, so it’s manageable. What he wants to wear, what he wants to eat, or do, or talk about. Keep things small, and work from there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack ruffled his hair, heedless of the dirt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Okay, I can do that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you fucked him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>What</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aerith glanced up at him, smiling with a hint of mischief before turning sincere. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you slept with him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>No. </span>
  </em>
  <span>No, he can’t consent.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aerith hummed and said, “So he hasn’t had his heat yet.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, he has, he—the others took care of it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah. You know, I understand your concern. And, on some level, you’re right, he can’t really agree. But I think you need to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack’s head whipped to her, and she didn’t even bother to look up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Why</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have to understand, Zack, that you’re making him insecure like this. For years and years, even before reconditioning, he’s been taught that the only thing about him that matters is between his legs.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So? We need to show him he’s more than that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but you’ll never convince him like this. He won’t feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> until you do. You have to meet him at his level, and this is where he’s at. You need to convince him you want him—and you may want him on many levels. But he only understands sex, right now. Show him you want him in the one way he understands, then go from there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No buts, Zack. You want to help him? This is how you start. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> to make a personal connection with him, and this is the only kind he understands anymore. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Especially </span>
  </em>
  <span>him. He came to the Department </span>
  <em>
    <span>young</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Zack. He’d only been close to his mother beforehand. He understands family, and he understands fucking. You want to be in a category he knows nothing about.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shouldn’t we just teach him about packs, then?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You need a foot in the door. Get into a category he understands, first. If you’re not family or fucking him, you’re just a threat. You’ll </span>
  <em>
    <span>still</span>
  </em>
  <span> be a threat, even if you’re in his bed, but at least you won’t be just that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But I want to respect him, and his boundaries.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He has no boundaries, Zack, and this is how you respect him: by showing you can meet him where’s at. You’ve got to work with where he is, not where you want him to be.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to be a client to him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You won’t be. You’ve been with him for how long?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Almost two weeks, now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Two weeks, and you’ve been a kind enigma to him. He won’t forget the kindness. Think of it this way, you’re showing him you want him, and you’re giving him some power back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack paused. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He said, once, that he had agency in seduction. That it wasn’t a question of whether or not he was—slept with, but how.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right. And that small choice is better than no choice at all. As it is, he has no choice whatsoever—even if you’d give him one if he asked. He doesn’t know how to have one, outside of sex. So sleep with him, and let him lead. He knows what he’s doing, and what he wants that he thinks he can get away with. Let him have that. Consider it a gift. Familiarity that won’t hurt. Because I guarantee you, he feels like a fish out of water with you all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We haven’t even done anything that weird!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aerith chuckled, setting a handful of weeds to one side. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you’ve treated him with respect, you certainly have, by his standards.” She plucked another weed and continued, “Did you take him off accelerants yet?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, we told him we didn’t want them.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not the same thing. Did you tell him to remove the patch?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... No? What patch?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Accelerants come as a hormone patch, changed every other week. If you haven’t removed it or told him explicitly to, he’s still wearing it. He’s probably going to ask you for a new one soon, unless they sent him with replacements.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They sent him with the clothes on his back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aerith nodded readily, saying, “Standard practice. Tell him to remove it, and don’t give him a replacement. Accelerants suck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We saw what one heat with them was like. No, thank you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aerith chuckled and said, “It’s not fun for him either, even if he’s used to it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I… ask you about Rufus?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aerith hummed and said, “What about him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you trust him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Depends. I trust him to keep me safe, because he’s decided to. I trust him to do what’s in his best interest. I trust him to do what he’s made up his mind to do. Why do you ask?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s this clause in our contract, that he can take Cloud back, no questions asked. Is he gonna?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You sound so sure.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because I am. He talked to me, for a long, long time, about what to do about this Safeguard—Cloud, I realize now. That clause is for emergencies that I don’t think will happen, if you’re trying this hard to help.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What kind of emergencies?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The kind of emergencies that I’m still too much of a Safeguard to discuss. Just trust me when I say that, when it comes to Cloud, you and Rufus are on the same side.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But Cloud seems so sure he can’t trust Rufus.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cloud was a means to an end for him, for quite a few years. He isn’t anymore.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aerith glanced up with a smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t discuss everything with you. Just trust me.” Aerith then went back to weeding, and lightly said, “Or don't. It’s your decision.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack looked at her appraisingly, seeing for the first time that she could still act like a Safeguard, at times. Or she was teasing him. It could be either. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack stood then, dusting off his combats. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I come back?” he asked her, but also glanced at Reno. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aerith looked back at Reno too, tilting her head. He yawned and stretched. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure. Someone’s always with her, so it’s not a problem.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack turned back to Aerith, saying, “I’m gonna go use your advice. Let you know how it goes, okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aerith grinned, holding her hands in front of her in a gesture that was familiar to Zack. Must be a Safeguard thing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good luck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Skedaddle,” Reno said, shooing Zack off, who smiled at him properly for the first time that day. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then he took Reno’s advice, running off so he could go take Aerith’s advice. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>There was a knock on the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud jumped, scrambling to his feet. Would he ever learn how to keep track of the pack through their bonds? He could feel them when he remembered to check. The problem was </span>
  <em>
    <span>remembering </span>
  </em>
  <span>to check. It wasn’t something he was used to keeping an eye on, so it tended to fall by the wayside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Which meant that, now that he’d knocked, Cloud was aware that it was Zack behind the door. It didn’t stop the way his heart was racing, or the way he scrambled on his hands and knees away from the door and to standing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually he was composed and had straightened his romper, his hands clasped in front of himself, just before the door opened to reveal a smiling Zack. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Zack said. “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked. What could he possibly be interrupting? It wasn’t like Cloud had </span>
  <em>
    <span>work</span>
  </em>
  <span> here. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not at all,” Cloud said, watching Zack close the door behind himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack stepped forward. He stepped a little closer than he normally did, then picked up the end of Cloud’s braid, fiddling with it. He looked up at Cloud through his eyelashes. Cloud tilted his head, curious, trying to read all the signs. Because, normally, he knew what those signals meant. But not so much here. Not from </span>
  <em>
    <span>Zack </span>
  </em>
  <span>of all people. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re sure you’re not busy?” Zack asked, his voice pitched low. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud paused. He gently took the end of his braid from Zack’s fingers, finger-combing it until it was a loose, wavy curtain behind him. He tilted his head again, angling it to bare his scent gland and the bite marks he wore there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll always have time for you,” Cloud promised, watching Zack through sultry, half-lidded eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack lifted a hand to trail his fingers over the mark he had left on Cloud’s throat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When I left this mark, I meant it, and everything that goes with it,” Zack said, glancing up at Cloud. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud purposefully licked his lips, saying, “Interested in taking what’s yours?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack’s expression fell, just a hair, and Cloud’s heart rate quickened beneath his fingers. He thought they were doing what Safeguards always did. Gaia, but he didn’t want to approach this how they seemed to approach everything, did he?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Interested in </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Zack corrected, and damn it all, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> being strangely sentimental. “I know I… have been asking a lot of you. That </span>
  <em>
    <span>we</span>
  </em>
  <span> have been. And I’ve been standing on moral principle more than I’ve been working with you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So now you just want me as a Safeguard,” Cloud finished for him, his heart racing. Would all his privileges disappear, now? Everything he’d just been appreciating?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>No</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Zack said, curving his hand around Cloud’s neck so his pulse beat against his palm. “No. Now I try to show you I care, in a way that makes more sense to you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked at Zack, bottling up his suspicion, his expression even. He lifted his hands slowly, and set them on Zack’s chest. Zack thumbed at the mark as he drew his hand away before burying his hand in Cloud’s hair. He used the gentle grip he had on the back of Cloud’s skull to tilt his head back, setting his mouth by his ear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This happens by your rules,” Zack continued. “You want me to stop, I stop. You want </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and it happens, okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud shivered for a second. He remembered, distantly and foggily, that he had told Zack what seduction meant to him. The power that lie in it, that tiny scrap he got to taste when he could. He was taking the choice and placing it in Cloud’s hands. He was letting Cloud earn his place, in a way he understood, while still letting him be in control. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a gift. It was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>precious</span>
  </em>
  <span> gift, arguably the most precious he’d been given. To be allowed to succeed, to thrive, to let him feel worthy of the many, many gifts they insisted on giving him? It meant the world to him. His heart swelled. His pulse thundered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The same for you,” Cloud whispered, for once feeling he had to, that he would not simply be beaten for mistepping. That it was necessary, here, to say. “Stop me if you need to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looked up at Zack with wide eyes, and Zack huffed a laugh, smiling down at him. His thumb slid soothingly over Cloud’s scalp. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t think that’ll be necessary.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was good enough for Cloud. He surged up on his toes, cupping Zack’s face to kiss him. As he rocked back to his heels, he pulled Zack down with him, their lips pressed fervently together. Zack huffed a laugh, and that was perfect, that let Cloud sweep his tongue into his mouth and curl around Zack’s. His laugh turned into a strangled moan as Cloud’s tongue withdrew, leading Zack’s along with it. Cloud moaned his approval as Zack slipped his tongue into Cloud’s mouth instead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud slid his hands down Zack’s front to grab his hips and began walking backward. Once he was following, Cloud began working at Zack’s clothes as they shuffled along. Zack helped, yanking his shirt over his head, undoing the more complicated buckles, kicking off pants and underwear once Cloud had worked them down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the back of Cloud’s knees hit the mattress, he grabbed Zack and spun him. He knew Zack wouldn’t go unless he wanted to, but he allowed himself to be all but tossed onto the bed. He propped himself up on his elbows to watch as Cloud stood at the end of the bed, running his hands up his thighs, pulling the hem of his shorts higher and higher until it revealed a hint of the lace panties he wore beneath. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack swallowed, the playfulness falling from his face. Cloud offered him a flirty little grin, glad that this outfit worked for Zack—a skirt would have given him more to work with, but he could manage like this. He ran his palms up his stomach and chest before slipping off the bands that hugged his arms, keeping the romper up. He used one arm to keep the top up, turning slowly, his ass popped out as he swiveled. While his back was turned, he lowered his arm to his ribs, letting the fabric fall below his nipples to where the elastic cinch at his waist kept it up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tilted his head, a coy smile on his face, running his thumbs around his nipples as he watched Zack watch him. They perked and pebbled beneath his fingers, beneath Zack’s gaze, in the cold air of the room. He pinched them and twisted slightly, moaning softly and letting his eyes shut, his head tip back and his back arch. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he lifted his head and looked at Zack, it was to see his face flushed and his cock hardening. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was perfect. That was what he wanted. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted </span>
  </em>
  <span>to do this, strangely enough. He wanted to be good for Zack, </span>
  <em>
    <span>perfect</span>
  </em>
  <span> for Zack, everything he could have ever dreamed of and more. He wanted to earn his keep, yes, but he also wanted to do this </span>
  <em>
    <span>for Zack. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It mattered, that it was him, that it was part of this strange pack that wanted him, despite him having been forced on them. These strange people who wanted more for him than he thought he understood yet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They deserved this. Zack deserved this. He deserved the best Cloud knew how to give. And it felt like a gift, to be able to give that to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud laced his fingers into the elastic that held the fabric up and slowly, slowly crept it down his body. He leaned back, pressing his hips forward, dragging the fabric down his cock that was somehow already harder than Zack’s. It really did feel like a gift and, well, maybe that was affecting him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His cock sprang free, and Cloud left the fabric there, elastic keeping it snug around his hips and hiding his pussy, that he could feel leaking onto his panties. He slid his thumb over his slit, collecting precum, before pressing it into his mouth. He sucked at it, running his tongue over the digit and humming, looking at Zack through heavy-lidded eyes. He could </span>
  <em>
    <span>watch</span>
  </em>
  <span> Zack harden for him, and for the first time in a long time, that felt gratifying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He slipped the romper off, kicking it to one side, but left the white lace panties in place. He encouraged Zack further up the bed, and then crawled up over top of his lap. He bent forward, leaving his ass high in the air, propped on his elbows as he breathed out over Zack’s length, watching it twitch at the heat. He took it in one hand, nuzzling against it with a smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mmm, I’m going to make you feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>so good</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Cloud promised, looking up at Zack through full lashes. Zack licked his lips, but chuckled softly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think you mean that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do,” Cloud answered, turning to mouth at his cock. He trailed his lips up to the top, where he placed an open-mouthed kiss, before working his way down the other side. He kissed down to his balls, running his flattened tongue along them before pulling one into his mouth and humming </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Zack cursed sharply, and Cloud had to let go to laugh softly, he breath fanning over Zack’s twitching balls. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He went back to work, sucking on each, watching Zack get harder and harder until he started to leak against his stomach. When he finally let his balls go again, he licked up the underside of Zack’s cock, just to earn a deep moan and another curse. Cloud paused to grin, infinitely glad to hear those sounds out of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Zack</span>
  </em>
  <span>, before he went about placing open mouthed kisses on each side of his already forming knot. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“More?” he mumbled, looking up at Zack, his cock obstructing his view. Zack had his hands pressed to his face and let out a strangled sound before nodding fervently. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud stroked his cock twice before pausing to give a delicate little lick to the tip, where he hummed deeply at the taste. Then, wrapping his tongue around it, he pulled the head into his mouth. He sucked at it, curling his tongue just beneath the tip, humming again for the sake of the vibration. He glanced up when Zack cursed again, watching him dig his head back into the mattress. He sank lower onto his cock, then, lower and lower, until he ground his nose in the curls at his pelvis. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack’s hand flew down, making a fist in his hair to hang on. Cloud, for what may be the first time, didn’t begrudge him the way it mussed his hair. He was too enthralled by Zack’s reactions, feeling his pleasure second hand in a way that made his cock drip onto Zack’s shin and his underwear soaked with slick.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>alive</span>
  </em>
  <span>, like this. With Zack beneath him, exactly how he wanted him, feeling exactly what he wanted, when and how he wanted him to feel it. To have Zack give up power to him was </span>
  <em>
    <span>dangerously</span>
  </em>
  <span> heady. He wanted to keep Zack here, just like this, for as long as he could. Where he got to make all the choices, and Zack was surrendering to him. He could end this at any time, Cloud knew. He could grab him, flip him, and shove himself inside, and Cloud would just have to take it. But he wanted what Cloud was giving more. He was content surrendering for now. And Cloud felt like he got his first real lungful of air in </span>
  <em>
    <span>weeks</span>
  </em>
  <span>, despite having a dick down his throat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s thumbs rubbed soothing circles into Zack’s hips. He didn’t stop him from occasionally thrusting up, though Zack seemed to be making an effort not to. When he did, and the shock of it made Cloud gag, what with Zack holding his hair, he always apologized, shaky and breathless. It was the cutest thing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually his knot grew too big for Cloud to keep forcing past his lips, so he wrapped his hand around it, stroking it, tightening rhythmically as he bobbed his head. Zack was cursing a blue streak, his free hand knotted in his own hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cloud,” he nearly sobbed. “Cloud, please, I’m gonna—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud tightened his grip around his knot and pressed himself down until his lips touched the swelling top of his knot. He swallowed around what of his dick reached into his throat and it was all over. Cloud hummed, low and throaty, keeping up the stimulation as Zack’s knot popped and he flooded Cloud’s throat with cum. Cloud swallowed over, and over, milking Zack’s cock with his throat until he was spent. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pulled off slowly, Zack shivering for every inch his lips and tongue slid up until he popped off. He sat up, coming to straddle Zack just above the hips, so his lace-covered ass pressed to the top of his softening cock. He slid his hands up Zack’s chest, who looked up at him, panting still. Cloud smiled and tilted his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How do you feel?” Cloud asked, his thumb rubbing circles into the dip between Zack’s collar bones. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Like you just sucked a year of my life out through my dick.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Only a year? I’ll have to try harder,” Cloud purred, letting his eyes fall to half-lidded again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack laughed, but brought his hands up to grab Cloud’s hips. One finger snaked beneath the waistband. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I do you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can do whatever you want, but don’t feel obligated.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t,” Zack promised. He grinned lazily and said, “Maybe I just want to know how sweet you taste.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud grabbed him by the shoulders and rolled them, so Cloud was on his back and Zack was kneeling between his spread legs. Zack put on his own sultry expression (that looked very, very good on him) and hooked his fingers through the waistband of the panties. He tugged them down some before lifting one of Cloud’s legs. He kissed up the inside, giving little occasional nips that had Cloud gasping, before he threaded it through the leg of the garment. He left it dangling off the other leg, focusing instead on what was between them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Gaia, you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>wet</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Zack muttered, and for the second time today, Cloud felt himself blush unbidden. It wasn’t a comment he would normally blush at, but then again, he normally wouldn’t be this wet without putting in a lot more effort. He bit at his lip, digging the heel of the foot not over Zack’s shoulder into the bed so he could tilt his hips up for Zack’s inspection. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack wasn’t distracted for very long. Before Cloud was ready, he was diving between his legs, flattening his tongue against his pussy, licking between the lips. Cloud let out a strangled moan, his hips canting up again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mm, gods you taste good,” Zack muttered against him, so quiet Cloud almost missed it. He felt his face flush darker as Zack licked against him again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But then he was sinking his tongue inside him, and Cloud tossed his head back and moaned </span>
  <em>
    <span>loudly</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He buried his hands in Zack’s hair, pressing him closer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Gods, </span>
  <em>
    <span>yes</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Cloud groaned, his cunt tightening around Zack’s tongue. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He felt so hot and wet inside him, and it felt perfect. He always loved when clients wanted to do this, and knew it was more indulging their own desires than them really wanting to give him anything. But with Zack, he could pretend. There was an off chance that maybe, maybe he </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> want to give this to Cloud. Maybe he </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> want to make him feel as good as he had just made Zack feel.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sighed happily and let his head fall back. It didn’t matter, in the end, why Zack wanted to eat him out. What mattered was that it felt so </span>
  <em>
    <span>damn good</span>
  </em>
  <span> for Zack to fuck him with his tongue, to lick at him just right. But then Zack paused, sliding his palm through the mess that was Cloud’s pussy, before using the slick to stroke his cock. Cloud shouted his pleasure, his back arching. He hooked both legs over Zack’s shoulders and tried to urge him closer with both legs and hands. Zack chuckled, the sound low and husky. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just want to make you feel so </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Zack muttered before diving back in, and it clicked for Cloud. Whatever convinced Zack that this was okay was irrelevant. He had apparently decided to do it, for reasons of his own, whether or not Cloud could fully ‘consent.’ So, he would make it okay by at least making it good for Cloud. If he couldn’t necessarily agree, he would at least make it good for him. No wonder he wanted to go down on him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So Cloud redoubled his efforts, determined to convince Zack that it felt good enough to soothe his qualms. In fairness, he didn’t have to work very hard. It </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> feel much better than he was expecting. Usually, people that wanted to do this were sloppy, with little idea what they were doing. He doubted Genesis would have tolerated much hapless licking, and had long since taught this pack how to go about this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud made sure to hide none of his noises. He whimpered and keened and whined as if he was in the depths of his heat. He let his hips cant up, and Zack grabbed him by them, encouraging him to ride his face. He panted and shivered, chanting Zack’s name like a long-familiar prayer. He begged him, for what, neither quite knew, but by the growl in Zack’s chest and his redoubled efforts, it was appreciated. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finally, the wave he was riding started to crest, and he whimpered, “Za-</span>
  <em>
    <span>ack</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Zack, I’m gonna c—</span>
  <em>
    <span>ah!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack pulled away and grabbed him by the hips to drag him closer, swallowing his little cock down in one swift movement. Cloud shouted, his hands flying to cover his face, his hips thrusting helplessly up into the warm wet heat of Zack’s mouth. Zack shoved two thick fingers inside him, feeling the way his cunt pulsed around them. Cloud’s hips rolled, pressing himself first into Zack’s mouth and then down onto his hand as he sobbed his pleasure. He didn’t remember the last time something had felt so </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finally, </span>
  <em>
    <span>finally</span>
  </em>
  <span> he came down from his high. He peeked through his fingers to look down at Zack, who was grinning up at him, the bottom half of his face covered in slick. He licked his lips deliberately, thrusting his hand forward once as Cloud shivered. He finally pulled it free, wiping it carelessly on the sheets before scrubbing at the slick on his face. Cloud was just relaxed enough from his orgasm to giggle at the silliness of how he went about it. He laughed louder, brighter, before making a noise of amused disgust when Zack wiped one hand on his stomach, the other on the sheets. Cloud took one corner of the sheets and wiped his mess off his stomach before Zack crawled up over him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looked up at him, grinning, his eyes half-lidded from his lowered guard more than attempts at being sultry, now. Zack grinned back at him and dipped his head to kiss Cloud, who hummed happily at him. They kissed slowly, and it was so, so </span>
  <em>
    <span>easy</span>
  </em>
  <span> that Cloud forgot what, exactly, he was supposed to be doing. That there was anything happening here other than two lovers having sex. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But they weren’t lovers. Zack owned him, and his throat bore proof of that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Reality crashed over him like a frigid wave, rocking him and freezing him in time. They were not equals. They did not share the same standing. This was not a fun romp in the sheets, because they cared about one another and could. Zack was his owner, and Cloud was property. He was paying his dues, earning his keep in the only way he knew how. Maybe Zack had another point in this, but that ought to be Cloud’s. To show his gratitude, and pray it was enough. He had to be good enough. He had to keep Zack’s interest. He had to—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, hey,” Zack pulled away to mutter. His fingertips stroked down Cloud’s cheek, his eyes soft and sad. “Come back, okay? We were doing so good.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Gaia</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he forgot he could feel what Cloud felt. It made his stomach fill with ice again, even as he smiled up at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Cloud said. “Let me try again?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to </span>
  <em>
    <span>try</span>
  </em>
  <span>—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please?” Cloud said, reached down to where he could feel Zack’s hardness poking his hip, just for Zack to grab his hand and pull it away. Zack began to lean back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe we should call that enough for today,” he started to say hesitantly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud panicked. He gripped Zack’s hips with his thighs and rolled them, pinning Zack’s shoulders to the bed from above as he straddled his hips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” Cloud said, breathless with panic. “No, we can’t be done, we haven’t—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shh, Cloud,” Zack said, his voice low and soothing. He ran his fingers, then his palm over Cloud’s cheek before pressing his hand up and into his hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud couldn’t help it. His barriers were too low. They were never supposed to </span>
  <em>
    <span>get like this</span>
  </em>
  <span>, they rarely did, he was supposed to be a professional at all times. This happened with fellow Safeguards like Vincent, with the occasional kind client like Kunsel. Where he got blindsided, where he got </span>
  <em>
    <span>weak</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He was only human, after all, he couldn’t be perfect all the time. Sometimes the emotions seeped through the cracks before he could stop them. And Zack had forced those cracks a little wider, with what they had just done. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” Cloud whimpered, visibly afraid. “You haven’t—we need to—</span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> have to—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack pulled his hand from Cloud’s hair to grab Cloud by the shoulders and pull him down. He wrapped his arms around Cloud, threading his fingers back into his hair as Cloud began to breathe faster and faster. He could feel the little droplets of his panicked tears on his chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not like this,” Zack said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But you </span>
  <em>
    <span>said</span>
  </em>
  <span>—and you wanted—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can try again later, Cloud,” Zack soothed. “When you’re not so afraid, alright? Because this isn’t just ‘maybe you can’t agree.’ This is ‘you don’t want to and feel like you have to.’ That’s a line I won’t cross, okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do, I want to—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cloud, I can feel how afraid you are. You don’t, and that’s okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Later, okay? Later.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack began purring then, and Cloud couldn’t fight </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He had gone many, many years without an alpha ever purring for him. It made the soothing effect much, much more intense than it would have been otherwise. Cloud slumped against him, suddenly unable to even be tense. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s right, good job, just relax,” Zack whispered, running his fingers through Cloud’s hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before Cloud could answer, Zack began purring louder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before Cloud knew what had happened, he was out like a light. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>There was a loud bang, and Cloud shot up like a bolt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A hand ran up his bare back, and he turned to look behind him, panicked and off kilter. Zack smiled up at him, brushing his hair back over his shoulder. Before they could get much further, there was a loud </span>
  <em>
    <span>thump</span>
  </em>
  <span> and much cursing. Zack winced. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go see what’s happening, yeah?” Zack asked, and Cloud blinked at him. He didn’t know why he was invited. Whatever was happening was almost assuredly not his business, but if he was wanted, he would go. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud got out of bed and slipped into his blue silk robe, not feeling the need for more clothes when they had all been in his bed by this point. Zack yanked on his boxer briefs and called it good enough, more concerned with finding out what was happening. He threw Cloud a reassuring smile but hurried out the door, Cloud trailing after him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they got to the entrance of the den, Cloud came to a halt as Zack rushed forward. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis and Sephiroth were huddled around Angeal, who was bleeding profusely on one of the kitchen stools, slumped back against the counter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you go to Medical, you idiot?” Genesis asked, standing in front of him and carefully peeling away torn fabric to assess the wounds. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re the best caster in Shinra,” Angeal argued. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, and I can heal you right up, but you are </span>
  <em>
    <span>bleeding</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and I’m no nurse, I can’t do a blood transfusion.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth hovered nearby, and Cloud only barely knew him well enough to tell that he was worried. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need a transfusion. I need healing, some food, and to lie in a safe bed for a few hours.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s brow furrowed. Medical, to his knowledge, </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>safe. It was one of the safest places for a Safeguard to be. It was for healing and recovery—the one place they could expect not to be hurt. He didn’t understand why he was talking about it like it was dodgy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know Hollander is an imbecile, but—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t give me a lecture you wouldn’t accept right now, Gen.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis huffed, glancing up at Angeal, but set about casting. Zack was at his side, holding Angeal’s hand and smiling softly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll get you fixed right up,” Zack said, too casual for what was happening. He was clearly worried, but there was a rote element to it all, like this was routine. Like they expected him to make it just fine. Cloud knew he would not be so confident if he saw Vincent in that state. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He felt the panic rise up in him again, and he didn’t understand </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Who was Angeal to him, for him to be so worried? He was his owner, yes, but no one would blame Cloud for this harm. It had happened on what Cloud assumed was a mission. If Angeal died here, what difference did it make to Cloud? He wouldn’t be punished, and it would be one less master to worry about. He should be hoping he wouldn’t make it. Why did that thought terrify him so much? Why was his stomach sinking and his pulse racing? He wrung his hands in front of himself, distressed and confused by his distress. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis babbled to no one while he worked, an endless stream of, “Careless, and reckless, I warn you all the time to not rush in, but does anyone listen to me? </span>
  <em>
    <span>No</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You think with your blade, and you don’t even use the good one, I understand why obviously, but if there’s ever a time to actually use it, it’s when you’re about to get injuries like </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you train so much, and for what? You just keep—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was muttering under his breath, though, and no one seemed to be paying him much mind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal was reassuring Zack, “It looks worse than it is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well it looks pretty damn bad.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I feel better already.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because Gen is casting a mile a minute, you idiot.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth hovered still at his shoulder, wanting to help but unsure how. Angeal reached out and took his hand without looking, apparently knowing how to comfort him without words. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud wasn’t sure what to do. He felt like he was intruding on a private moment. They all had their roles, here, in what seemed a common occurrence for them. Cloud was potently an outsider. And, for some reason, even though he knew that, it was upsetting to him, in this moment. He already felt so worried over the health of a man he should want dead—one less master was one less person to keep pleased with him, one less uneven weight in his balancing act. He didn’t need this aching loneliness. He set his hand over their bond marks, feeling the ridges of the scars, and reminded himself of what he was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t a part of this pack. He didn’t know why Zack had even brought him out here—unless he would have, if he had known what the situation was. That must have been it. He was extraneous, here in this tender moment. He was unwanted, and unwelcome. He shouldn’t be here. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud turned back to the hall and began to walk away, as quietly as he could. He didn’t want to intrude anymore than he already was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cloud?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He froze in his tracks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He peeked over his shoulder to see Angeal looking up at him. He was pale from blood loss, but he was smiling at him. Why was he smiling?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“C’mere.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud hesitated, but, whatever made them happy was what he would do. He walked over, hesitating just at the edge of Angeal’s reach. When Angeal took his hand and brought him closer, he went easily. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to worry so much,” Angeal said. “This happens. Gen’s the best healer in the building. I’ll be just fine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed hard. He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t say ‘I’ve seen Safeguards die from less because no one cared enough to cure them,’ and he couldn’t say ‘I don’t know why I care so much what happens anyway.’ He couldn’t say ‘I care about you more than I should and that scares me,’ or ‘why did you stop me from leaving?’ or even ‘I don’t belong here and I don’t know how you don’t see that.’</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad,” was what he settled on. He fought the urge to squeeze Angeal’s hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal began to purr for him, and Cloud swayed dangerously on his feet. He ended up squeezing his hand anyway, and told himself it was for balance. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to,” Cloud insisted, blinking heavily. “You’re hurt. You don’t need to worry about me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course I’m worried,” Angeal said, pausing to hiss as a wound closed. “You’re scared, and distressed, and I can help.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ah. Damn alpha instincts. This wasn’t about </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>, this was about soothing the upset omega in their midst. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud forced a smile, moving to hold Angeal’s wide hand in both of his. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m alright. If you have time to worry, worry about yourself, okay? I’ll go. I shouldn’t be adding to your stress.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He moved to pull away, but Angeal tightened his grip. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’d be more stressed if you weren’t here. Please? It helps, being with pack.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked. He looked at Angeal, confused. That just didn’t make any sense. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’d still be with your pack. Really, I’m just setting off your instincts. You don’t need that right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re part of this pack, Cloud. You’re not setting me off, I just want my mate not to be upset. That’s normal.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud barely heard the last sentence. His brain short-circuited, his ears filling with white noise. His hands went slack around Angeal’s. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He called him his mate. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That wasn’t what they were. Were they? Cloud had taken his bite, but he hadn’t given it willingly—he’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>fled</span>
  </em>
  <span> after. He didn’t want Cloud’s in return. They weren’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>mates</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Mates were equal, and Angeal owned Cloud. If he was part of the pack, as Angeal had claimed in the past, he was the pack’s plaything. He wasn’t a </span>
  <em>
    <span>mate</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He wasn’t. He was—he was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>Safeguard</span>
  </em>
  <span>, for gods’ sake. If there was a ladder of power, he wasn’t even a rung on it, just the floor beneath. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cloud? Are you okay?” Angeal asked, but his voice sounded so far away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud pulled his hands away. He took a shaky step back. A second. A third. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cloud?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He ran. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He turned tail and fled, bolting back to his room, where he promptly slammed the door behind him, his heart racing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What was going on</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tried to steady his breath, and think. Angeal was hurt, and that upset and scared Cloud, when it should have made him glad. That was fine. Angeal had changed, since they first met—he was kind, now. Cloud had always latched on to kindness; he’d been starved for it, even as a boy. So he got more attached than he should. That was expected. That was what he, foolishly, always did. That could be explained away. He was attached to Angeal, not as a person, but as a source of kindness. He’d miss that soft treatment if he died. That was all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What he couldn’t explain away was what Angeal </span>
  <em>
    <span>said. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He could explain being part of the pack. A member, maybe, but not an equal. He could make sense of that. But not </span>
  <em>
    <span>mate. </span>
  </em>
  <span>That word carried a weight that didn’t fit. That wasn’t what they were to each other. That wasn’t what they would </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever</span>
  </em>
  <span> be to each other. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud scrubbed his hands over his face, groaning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Was he lying? Why would he lie? Why would he say that, if it wasn’t true? But it couldn’t be true. No one wanted a Safeguard as a mate. He was, at the very, very best, damaged goods. He knew he was wrecked. They wanted to put him back together, but he didn’t think it’d ever work. He was simply a puzzle with too many pieces, many of which had been taken and hidden away where no one could reach them. Even if for some strange, inexplicable reason, they wanted him, he just wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>good enough. </span>
  </em>
  <span>They were the height of SOLDIER, the people he had been bought to serve. The disparity between them couldn’t be greater. He didn’t even have standing among the Safeguards. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He went to the corner of the room and sat with his back to where the walls met. It cradled him. It was the only embrace he could count on. He couldn’t count on the men in the kitchen, as much as he may want to. They were too far above him. They were the clouds he was named after, and he was stranded at the very bottom of the sea. He hid his face in his knees and grabbed his hair, pulling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal could call him ‘mate’ all he wanted. That wasn’t what they were. That wasn’t what they ever would be. Cloud knew his place. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew </span>
  </em>
  <span>where he belonged, and it wasn’t at their sides, as an equal. Never. That was unattainable, a waste of time to even think about. He wasn’t their mate. He wasn’t. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a knock on the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud felt that it was Sephiroth. He didn’t look up, didn’t answer. He knew Sephiroth was waiting for his reply, but he wouldn’t get one. He didn’t know what to offer him right now, what he </span>
  <em>
    <span>could </span>
  </em>
  <span>offer. He hoped he would just give up and go away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No such luck. The door opened and shut softly. He heard Sephiroth walk towards him, and come to a stop. He didn’t look up. Sephiroth sat in front of him with a rustling of leather. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was too soon, wasn’t it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth had always been clear and honest with him. Cloud tended to return the favor. He felt he owed him that much. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Which was why he mumbled, “I’m not your mate.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps not,” Sephiroth agreed, so readily that Cloud glanced up. “No one will force you to. But you could be, if you wanted to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A low, distressed whine crawled out from between his teeth before he could stop it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you understand? I </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And why not?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>own</span>
  </em>
  <span> me. We can never be equals. That’s how this </span>
  <em>
    <span>works</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not here. That isn’t how we see things.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should. That’s how things </span>
  <em>
    <span>are.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They don’t have to be. We don’t want them to be. We’ve discussed this at length, Cloud, the four of us. We all agree we want you with us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are the </span>
  <em>
    <span>General</span>
  </em>
  <span> of </span>
  <em>
    <span>SOLDIER. </span>
  </em>
  <span>I am a </span>
  <em>
    <span>Safeguard</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That matters to none of us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re only saying this because you were forced to bond me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps. We would not have met, if the contract had never been signed. But I do believe that, had we met under other circumstances, we still would have ended up here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But I—I—I’m not like you. Any of you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because you’re a Safeguard?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>broken</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Cloud admitted, tears stinging his eyes. “I’m not worth enough. Even before I was a Safeguard, I never was—I could never be—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Cloud,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Sephiroth said, a hint of a rumble rounding the word. “That’s the great secret of this pack. None of us are whole.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud laughed, bitter and louder than he meant. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe not whole, </span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but you’re not—you’re not </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And what is ‘this?’”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Worthless</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cloud, you are many things, but not that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The only use I have is getting people off. I’m not even a person, Sephiroth, I’m just—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop,” Sephiroth said, and Cloud’s mouth shut immediately. “You very much are a person, no matter what you’ve been taught.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud laughed and said, “I don’t know how I made you believe that, but whatever I did, it was a mistake.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Only a person feels as much as you do, Cloud. And we feel what you do, second hand. You feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>so much.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud ducked his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Too much. I shouldn’t. I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to feel that. It can’t be pleasant.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That wasn’t a condemnation. It’s a good thing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe for a person, but not for a Safeguard.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t a Safeguard any longer.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud hooked a finger through the ring on his collar and pulled at it pointedly, arching an eyebrow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So if I walk out the front door, I won’t drop?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth’s lips pressed together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll speak to someone about the chip. We’ve humored them for long enough, now. It isn’t made to be removed, but we can give you your mobility back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked at him in disbelief. He was making a point, not asking for favors—but he wasn’t about to turn it down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… you’d do that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was always the plan, Cloud. We just had to humor Shinra. I’m not sure what can be done about the collar—I know it’s welded shut. I’m not sure how to remove it without hurting you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud gaped. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’d—you’d take it off?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If we can find a way. I expect Shinra will allow it if we push. Perhaps not both at the same time, but with time, there’s no reason why not.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But Shinra can take me back at any time. Why would they allow that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They won’t. Games are being played above our heads, and the clause is part of that. It’s only a threat, and the parties in question have heard it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud stared, wide eyed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because that, he understood. There were always machinations at work in Shinra, parties above his head vying for power. It didn’t surprise him that he was a means to an end. He didn’t know how he played into the company politics, but he had never been let into the intricacies of their politicking, and he didn’t expect to be now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So then…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re with us. No one will take you away.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud didn’t know what to say. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So Sephiroth continued, “We intend to give you as many liberties as you can stomach. One day, we hope you’ll walk Midgar’s streets on your own. We know that’s too much right now. But we have all the time in the world to get there. There is no rush, beyond whatever impatience for freedom you have.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud felt tears well up in his eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was more than he ever expected. He had come to this den, reluctant and with dread, not expecting it to be any better than the Department. A few perks, perhaps, and he wouldn’t know the paternity test results, but that was it. But they were painting a picture for him, slowly. In hot showers and plentiful meals, in soft touches and kind words. At first he was too close to see the picture being created, but here Sephiroth was, taking his hand and helping him take a step back, so he could see the full work in progress. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And what a picture they were making. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>One where Cloud could walk Midgar free. No collar, no chip threatening him. Without constant supervision, without a hand on his shoulder holding him back, without his own </span>
  <em>
    <span>mind</span>
  </em>
  <span> holding him back. Where he had whims and the ability to follow them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a dream Cloud had given up on, long, long ago. Something he thought hopeless, forever lost, permanently out of reach. But here they were, placing that dream right back into his waiting hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His breath hitched. He covered his face and sobbed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was too much. It was too </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It was everything he could have ever dreamed of on a silver platter. He’d get to go </span>
  <em>
    <span>outside</span>
  </em>
  <span>—and he’d been so, so grateful just to look out a window. It felt like the whole world was spanning before him, a wide horizon stretching as far as the eye could see, and the only thing stopping him from reaching it was as far as his legs could carry him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth shifted to sit next to Cloud, pulling him into his side. He tucked him there, his hand rubbing soothingly over his arm, as he let Cloud have his tears. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually, Cloud cried himself out, and he just sat there in the silence with his sore eyes, his head on Sephiroth’s shoulder. Sephiroth didn’t press him to do anything more than that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t know how much time had passed by the time the door opened. Sephiroth looked up, and Cloud looked around him to see Angeal, dressed in non-bloody clothes. He came and sat in front of Cloud. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to overwhelm you. I wasn’t thinking straight—blood loss. I should have known that’d be too much.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud shook his head, but left it resting against Sephiroth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to apologize.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But I want to. I do see you that way, but I know that’s a lot to put on you right now. I won’t bring it up again until you do, okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can say it whenever you’d like.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because you want to hear it, or because you don’t feel like you can tell me no?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud paused. He lowered his eyes. He didn’t say anything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right. So we’ll wait, alright? However long you need.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud shifted, lifting his head from the comfort of Sephiroth’s shoulder. He swallowed hard. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay? That was a lot of blood.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal smiled warmly at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine. Genesis really is the best healer in the building. As long as I can get to him in time, I know I’ll be fine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud nodded, filing this information away. Hopefully, when this happened next, because it apparently happened often, he wouldn’t panic as much. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to see about getting his chip reprogrammed, so he can have some freedom,” Sephiroth chimed in, holding Cloud closer. “Removing the collar is also on the task list.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The collar will be tricky. But the chip shouldn’t be a problem,” Angeal said, before looking at Cloud curiously. “Are you comfortable, going around on your own?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud paused, and when he spoke he was clearly thoughtful. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I used to have access to the whole Tower. I think I’ll be fine if I stay inside.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you know where you’d want to go?” Angeal asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud laced his fingers together, saying, “I’d like to visit a friend, in the Department. Maybe just wander some.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal nodded readily and said, “The one who came to take the picture of the marks?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked, surprised he remembered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Vincent.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you two close?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Panic zipped up Cloud’s throat. Safeguards who were close were immediately separated. But he swallowed that down—this wasn’t the Department. Angeal called him his mate. It was… safe? Safe enough. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As close as Safeguards get.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can see about having him sent up sometime? Get you guys a chance to spend time together, especially if it takes a while to get your chip changed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked. That was… thoughtful. Very, very kind. He felt his heart warm, and didn’t understand the feeling. It was foreign and unfamiliar. He wondered what it was, and where it came from. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That would be very nice of you,” Cloud said, and Angeal smiled again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’d be good for you to see a familiar face, I think. Besides, I doubt you get much real privacy down there. I bet the whole Department is bugged. Our place is clean, so you two can at least speak freely here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud stared at him in disbelief. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’d leave us alone? You wouldn’t even monitor us?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal tilted his head and asked, “Why would we?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked, then let a slow smile curl over his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Things were different, here. They wanted him, and he wanted them. They wanted to give him freedoms, not take them. They didn’t want to hurt him. They wanted him to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy</span>
  </em>
  <span>. They gave him things it didn’t even occur to him to ask for. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe it </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> safe here. Maybe, just maybe. He wasn’t sure. He’d think on it. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tw for minor self harm (scratching)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Cloud was… not having a good day. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had known it wouldn’t be a good day the second he woke up. These days happened sometimes, where life felt like too much to bear. Where he struggled to get out of bed, when his mask was too heavy a burden, when it was so, so </span>
  <em>
    <span>desperately</span>
  </em>
  <span> tempting to be disobedient. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was in bed, staring at the clock on the nightstand. The minutes ticked by slowly. It was almost noon, and he hadn’t made it out of bed yet. He usually was out of bed by 0700 at the latest. He hadn’t even tried to brush his hair still in bed. He was just lying there, watching the clock and picking at the skin of his thumb. He didn’t do it </span>
  <em>
    <span>to </span>
  </em>
  <span>hurt, but he wasn’t upset that it did. The skin was slowly peeling back as he worked at it, occasionally watching in morbid fascination. It rarely got to the point of bleeding, but there were a few drops of blood on the sheets. He healed too fast for the damage to last. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was more out of nerves than anything. Because he </span>
  <em>
    <span>needed </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be out of bed. He wasn’t supposed to stay here this long. He never would have gotten away with it in the Department. But they tolerated it, here. He could do as he liked, to a point—he still hadn’t found the limits of that. No one had showed up to force him out of bed. No one had showed up to even question him. They were letting him have his space. And that only made him more anxious, made him pick more at his skin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It had taken him all morning to pin down what set him off this time. It was yesterday. He had gone to bed floaty and ecstatic, feeling safe for the first time in years. He still wasn’t certain that </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span> would go wrong, but he felt relatively confident that the pack wasn’t going to harm him deliberately. It had felt like a dream, when he settled into that confidence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was like he was hungover from it now. Because, maybe he was safe enough, yes, but what did he </span>
  <em>
    <span>do </span>
  </em>
  <span>with that? It felt like his earliest days here, where he was wishing for the devil he knew. For some </span>
  <em>
    <span>familiarity. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Because, yes, he wanted the freedoms they were offering, the safety. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>ached </span>
  </em>
  <span>for them, now that he was able to even consider them. But it was overwhelming. It was more than he knew what to do with. He was looking out at that wide horizon again, but this time, he was in the middle of the sea, with no way to reach it, and what felt like no hope but to drown. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There were so many possibilities he felt paralyzed. So he lied in bed, trying to force himself up and failing. He wanted to get up because he was supposed to, because he shouldn’t be in bed this long. Even if those pressures weren’t there, he felt like he was wasting all of these new opportunities. He was being ungrateful, by just lying here. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But it felt like his body was made of lead. He kept telling himself to get up, he had to get up. He had to get up </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Okay, that wasn’t working, so he’d try again in a minute. A minute passed, and he tried, and he failed again. So maybe in two more minutes. He tried. He failed. He cursed softly and shut his eyes. He picked at his thumb. He took a few deep breaths. It felt like time was both racing and honey-slow. He opened his eyes. Fifteen minutes had passed. He could have sworn it was only a moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stared at the clock for a whole minute, watching 12:38 become 12:39 before he saw movement in the corner of his eye. He angled his head and saw Genesis standing there in the doorway, in rare casual clothes, a burgundy top and simple black denim pants. Cloud blinked at him. He knew he should feel panic, at the thought that he was being seen like this. He knew he should stand, and smile, and convince him that the deep, slow darkness in Cloud’s chest wasn’t there, despite how they could both feel it. He couldn’t make himself do that, any more than he could make himself get up earlier. He couldn’t even find the panic when he reached for it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis approached, slow and quiet on his bare feet. He folded one leg in front of him and sat on the bed. Cloud picked more at his thumb, hidden beneath the blankets. He blinked at Genesis again. Genesis reached out and ran a hand through Cloud’s hair. It felt better than it had any right to. He had no right to these men who called him pack. He had no right to their kindness. He almost wished they would stop, but only almost. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We agreed to let you have your space, when you didn’t move this morning,” Genesis began. “But I’m beginning to think you won’t come out of this on your own.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I will,” Cloud promised. “It just takes time. I’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dearest, I’m already worried. What are you doing?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis, having seen the movement under the sheets, pulled them back. It was bad timing. Cloud had been picking hard enough he was bleeding again. His hands were bloodstained from earlier already. Genesis made a low sound of distress. He set his hand gently over Cloud’s.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cloud, darling, I need you to stop.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked up at Genesis. He wanted to listen—rather, he didn’t want to find out what would happen if he didn’t. But he couldn’t stop himself. His nail kept digging and digging and digging and </span>
  <em>
    <span>digging</span>
  </em>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cloud—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis separated his hands by force and pushed him onto his back, pinning his hands by his head. Before Cloud could stop himself, he was pushing up against Genesis’s grip, struggling. He fought, and he was enhanced, but nowhere near as much as a First. Still, Genesis ended up straddling his hips to keep him pinned, putting his body weight on Cloud’s wrists. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cloud, stop,” Genesis insisted. “Cloud, please, I need you to—you’re hurting yourself, I’m just—just </span>
  <em>
    <span>stop</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The last word hit Cloud like a whipcrack. He went still in a heartbeat, staring up at Genesis with wide eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He—he had used the bond against him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud felt an icy chill wash through him. Never, they had </span>
  <em>
    <span>never </span>
  </em>
  <span>forced him to do anything. He had thought they never would. Stupid. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Foolish</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He should have known better. At the first chance, the first second they found it reasonable, of course they would. They held his reins. It was up to them when to yank on them and when to hold them loose. That they never had before didn’t mean they never would. It only meant that it hadn’t felt necessary to this point. And Cloud had been so, so careful to be so, so compliant. Right up until this moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first time he tried to push back, and he was shoved right back into his place. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dread settled like a brick in his stomach. He couldn’t believe how stupid he was. How </span>
  <em>
    <span>blind</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Of course this was how things were going to go—they were always going to end here. So what if they called him pack? So what if Angeal called him mate, and Sephiroth made pretty promises of freedom? They were only promises, only words. He still couldn’t leave. The collar was still cold and stiff around his neck. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>might</span>
  </em>
  <span> get those things </span>
  <em>
    <span>if</span>
  </em>
  <span> he behaved. If he played by their rules. If he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>pleasing</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And he was not pleasing, when he lied in bed for hours and blemished his own skin. How whole he was was not something in his hands. It wasn’t his </span>
  <em>
    <span>choice</span>
  </em>
  <span>, whether or not he was healthy, whether or not he bled. The dieticians forced him to be healthy. Genesis forced him not to bleed. Force was force, and it was achingly familiar. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So. He was wrong. He was not safe, not even ‘safe enough.’ Fine. He shouldn’t have expected anything else, anyway. He was back to square one, but that was fine. That was all he should have expected, anyway. Yes, his rising hopes had been completely dashed, but so what? It changed nothing. He had stepped out of line, and was pushed back into line. He didn’t need to be corrected twice. They were kind enough not to recondition him. He would accept that kindness for what it was and do better. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So Cloud turned his eyes away obediently and bared his throat in open submission. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” Genesis whispered. “No—no, Cloud, </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span>, that isn’t what I meant! I just—you were hurting yourself, I just needed you to stop, you see? Nothing has changed, you don’t have to give up hope, I just—I was just trying to help.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud felt fear wash through him. He had forgotten that Genesis could feel what he did, that he would </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You know what—that was fine. Let him. Let him know he didn’t have to pretend anymore, that Cloud understood how things really were now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” Cloud said, in his most pleasant tone. “Thank you for your help.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, don’t—don’t shut down, don’t shut me out—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s happening in here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis looked over his shoulder, frantically, at Zack. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He was hurting himself, I had to get him to stop, but he wouldn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>listen</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I didn’t know what else to try, I—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Gen</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Zack groaned. “You didn’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Was I supposed to let him peel his own skin off!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack sighed and ruffled his hair. He stepped over and, with a hand on Genesis’s shoulder, pulled him away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Take five, Gen,” Zack muttered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Zack—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Take five.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis scowled. He glanced down at Cloud, who still hadn’t looked up from where he was looking at the wall. He cursed under his breath and climbed off and out of the bed, stalking toward the door. The door swung open and shut, with Zack standing still at the bedside and Cloud remaining where he was, limp and pliant. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud felt the bed dip as Zack sat. He didn’t move a muscle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Zack said. “Can I see where you’re hurt?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud sat up, then. The blankets fell around his bare hips. He glanced up at Zack, still feeling hazy and strangely heartbroken. Zack was watching him, soft-eyed and sad. He wondered why he looked like that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Cloud held his hand out, Zack took it gently in his own. He turned it gently until he found the wound, then cast a low-level cure from the materia in the bracer he still wore. Then he set Cloud’s hand, just as gently, on the bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t have to do that,” Cloud muttered. It wasn’t that bad—certainly not worth a cure. It wasn’t anything that the Department ever would have bothered treating. Really, it would have been fine, it’d heal in no time. He didn’t understand why Zack bothered. Maybe that was because his head still felt filled with cotton. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to,” Zack whispered back. “Listen, I know Genesis crossed a line. He can go too far trying to get a job done in general, but he was really panicked. He was afraid for you. I know you get hurt a lot, and a little scratch doesn’t mean much to you, same way it wouldn’t mean much to us. But it really scared him, that you did that to yourself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud wanted to argue. He wanted to insist that it wasn’t that bad, that he wouldn’t do any serious damage, that the point wasn’t even the damage itself at all. That it was just a nervous tic that got out of hand. That whatever Genesis had been imagining might happen was completely unrealistic. And, maybe last night, he would have explained that. But not now. Not after what had just happened. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Cloud apologized, ducking his head, polite and sweet. “It won’t happen again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At least, Cloud would not let himself get caught at it again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack tucked a lock of hair behind his ear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. No one’s mad, no one was ever mad. Just scared.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know. You’re tough as nails. I think you could find a way to be fine through anything—but that doesn’t mean you have to. I’ll talk to Genesis, and set some boundaries. He won’t ever do that again, and neither will anyone else.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud didn’t lift his head. He didn’t believe him for an instant. Whenever he stepped out of line next, he’d be corrected, he was sure. People did not find power over someone like him and then just give it up. Maybe they hadn’t realized they could use that, before, but they would know now. With the floodgate open, there was no going back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Zack muttered sadly. “Okay, how about this—we all wanted to wait a while, but now seems right. You wanna make sure I can’t ever do that to you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud peeked up, his brow furrowed. There was no way to make sure of that. All he could have was Zack’s word, and his word meant nothing. If it ever did, Genesis had soured that for the lot of them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack laid his hand over Cloud’s, apparently feeling his bafflement, and smiled a little. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cloud, would you bite me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Surely not. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was no way. Maybe he meant something different? Some people liked to be bitten during sex. Was Zack coming on to him? Because he could just ask, he didn’t have to phrase it like this, where it almost sounded like he wanted Cloud to bond him </span>
  <em>
    <span>back. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p><span>Because he couldn’t want that. He owned Cloud. Angeal had called him ‘mate’ but even he hadn’t asked for his bite. It wasn’t wanted. Things would always be inherently unequal between them. These were SOLDIERs, and he was a Safeguard. Besides, they couldn’t be that stupid. The bites would show eventually, somehow, someway, even if Zack’s shirt collar covered his scent gland. How would they explain it? Was a </span><em><span>SOLDIER</span></em> <em><span>First</span></em><span> going to admit that he had been bonded by his </span><em><span>pet Safeguard</span></em><span>?</span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was dizzying to even think about. It was ludicrous. No, Zack must be coming on to him. Simple enough. He could handle that. He didn’t want to, right now, but he was used to fucking when he didn’t want to. He would get over it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He shifted, sliding over until he was straddling Zack’s lap, still naked as he had been when he fell asleep. He tugged Zack’s collar down and began leaving stinging, nipping kisses down his throat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack laughed, a little breathlessly, his hands finding Cloud’s hips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not what I meant, Cloud.” When Cloud just hummed and continued, he said, “I want you to bond me. Please?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud went still, his face still buried in Zack’s neck. He began to breathe short and shallow against his neck, but didn’t lift his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because I don’t want you to be afraid that I’ll do what Genesis did.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t done,” Zack insisted. “Because I was going to ask as soon as I thought you’d be willing to give it. Because we all want that, we just don’t want to rush you. If it’s too soon, tell me no, but I don’t want you afraid like this when you don’t have to be. You were so happy last night. You were hopeful. I want you to have that again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud paused. He pulled away, and looked up at Zack, his brow furrowed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bonds are permanent,” Cloud said slowly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You haven't even known me a month. You don’t know </span>
  <em>
    <span>me </span>
  </em>
  <span>at all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know you more than you think. I can feel you, all the time, I know the truth of your heart, and that tells me more than enough.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud paused. He leaned back a little further, inspecting Zack’s face for sincerity. But he seemed to mean what he was saying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What did it mean, that Zack wanted his bite? Was he wrong? Would they really not put him back in his place if he stepped out of line? Was it really just what Zack said, that Genesis made one poor, panicked decision? Maybe he had been right last night, and this was all some grand misunderstanding?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re… sure?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Positive,” Zack said, offering him a gleaming smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You want me to bond-bite you. I’ll feel what you feel. You won’t be able to force me. We’ll be tied together permanently. You… want that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cloud, I don’t want someone to own,” he whispered. “I want someone to love. I want a mate. I want </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, as my mate. Please?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud licked his lips. Zack seemed so sure. And, hadn’t he always said that he would do whatever it took to please them? Wasn't that what he needed to do, especially if they would just force him? Zack was asking him for something, so it was imperative that he give it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The problem was that Cloud </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> to give his bite, and he felt conflicted about that. The last day had been a rollercoaster. He wasn’t sure how he stood, or how to feel. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Zack wanted it. Cloud wanted it, as conflicted as he was at that fact. There was no reason not to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud reached out, his hand trembling, and pulled Zack’s collar down far enough to expose his scent gland, covered in criss-crossing scars. He leaned down, his open mouth an inch from skin. He set his fangs to the gland, his breath coming in hot little pants against it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Cloud hesitated there, Zack threaded his fingers into his hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Zack whispered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was enough for Cloud. He bit down, a little tentative, afraid of what would happen if he hurt Zack. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Harder, Cloud,” Zack encouraged, pressing him closer and baring his throat with a groan. “It feels good, don’t be scared. C’mon, really—</span>
  <em>
    <span>ah! Yeah</span>
  </em>
  <span>, that’s it. Shit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud pulled away then, his mouth full of blood, and it was strange. He’d had a mouth full of his own blood before, and it was nothing like this. This was </span>
  <em>
    <span>sweet</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and spiced in some perfect, pleasant way, that felt like pheromones poured directly on his tastebuds. He grabbed Zack’s shirt and pressed closer, moaning. He licked the pouring blood away desperately, chasing that taste that went right to his head. Zack pressed his hips up and Cloud ground his down, sure he was leaving a wet spot in Zack’s combats but beyond caring in that moment. He whined, needing to be closer, so close, </span>
  <em>
    <span>yes. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack chuckled weakly, pressing Cloud closer with his hand in his hair, and Cloud needed no more encouragement. He whined softly, sucking at the wound, worrying it open with his tongue. He kept rolling his hips, grinding their erections together, tugging Zack against him by the shirt as Zack encouraged the motion of his hips with one hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then, the strangest thing happened. He felt a strange bubble of elation in his chest, of deep contentment, of joy and pleasure and hope. Of simple confidence that everything would be alright in the end. It was foreign, </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> foreign. It was nothing like anything Cloud had felt in—Gaia, he couldn’t remember how long. He whimpered, pressing closer, instinctively knowing it was coming from Zack. He could feel it at a base level, like a flavor, like some sort of signature, the way he knew instinctively whose location was whose as he felt them. He wanted more. Zack felt so good, a bright spot in what felt like the endless darkness of his years since he left Nibelheim. He needed more. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>needed</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Gods, it was addicting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The wound healed shut, and Cloud gave up on it easily, licking his lips. He barely had time to finish before he was pressing his mouth to Zack’s, smearing the blood there as Zack chuckled into his mouth. He could feel that joy flare higher. Yes. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yes. </span>
  </em>
  <span>This was what he needed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pushed Zack and followed him down, kissing him all the while. His hands buried in Zack’s hair, holding him steady and close as Cloud ground away on top of him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t thinking. If he was, he’d be appalled at his behavior. This was no way for a Safeguard to act, all pushy and demanding and needy. He should be focused on making Zack feel as good as he could, on pleasing him. Except, in a way, he was. He wanted to stoke that fire in Zack hotter, as hot as it could get, so he could savor it second hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He reached a hand between his legs and did his best to both fumble with Zack’s belt and fly without stopping the roll of his hips. He ended up smearing slick all over his own hand, but for Zack free. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hold on—“ Zack said on a laugh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Zack, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>need—“</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He barely finished before he got Zack lined up and was sinking down. Zack didn’t protest any longer, just moaned into his mouth, and Cloud moaned back before kissing him again, much more sloppily this time. He rode Zack hard, taking him deep, occasionally just rolling his hips with Zack hilted inside him. He felt frantic. He felt desperate. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He and Zack were in a feedback loop, of Zack filling with joy until it spilled over into Cloud, who filled with it as well, pouring it back into Zack, over and over, endless. The pleasure in their bodies heightened everything, and it was the only way Cloud understood how to cause anything that felt similar to Zack’s joy, so of course he pressed on with it. Neither was going to last very long when everything felt so </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span>, inside and out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud, especially, couldn’t last long. It had been far, far too long since he felt anything like this. This joy, this </span>
  <em>
    <span>bliss</span>
  </em>
  <span> was nothing he had known in so long, he had forgotten what it felt like. He felt drunk off it. It wasn’t long before he was coming so hard on Zack’s cock that his vision went white, his whole body trembling as Zack held him close. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack wasn’t very far behind him, and the way Cloud clamped down on him was always going to spell the end for him. He thrust hard up into him as he came, moaning loudly into Cloud’s mouth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They came down together, panting, sharing breath. Eventually, Cloud pulled back, looking down at Zack in wonder. Zack smiled up at him, and Cloud could feel his simple, warm happiness filtering up into him. Zack brushed the hair out of his face, from where it was sticking to his damp brow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You get it now?” Zack asked gently. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And he did. He could feel Zack so potently, so clearly. If they felt what he did, all the time like this, no wonder they wanted him happy. Even if for only selfish reasons—it was self-preservation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He understood a little better, now, why Genesis might have panicked, feeling how Cloud felt, and seeing that he would hurt himself in any way at all. How could someone see the depth of that blackness in his chest and not worry that he’d take it further?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He softened. The joy dimmed. He felt Zack’s curiosity. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” he whispered. “I owe Genesis an apology.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack smiled softly, and a little sadly. What Cloud felt from him was bittersweet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t. He shouldn’t have done that. But he might appreciate knowing you get it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud nodded. Then Zack was reaching up, and pulling him down against his chest, his knot still locking them together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In a minute, though,” Zack promised. “In a minute.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry for the whiplash!! recovery isn’t linear, sometimes things go two steps forward, one step back, so that they can go two steps forward again!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Cloud and Zack laid there for what felt like years. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack’s knot had long since gone down, but they hadn’t even separated enough for him to slip out of Cloud. Zack held Cloud, his head tucked beneath his chin, as Cloud buried his face in Zack’s neck. Zack’s hand carded through his hair, slowly working tangles free, and Cloud couldn’t even bring himself to be embarrassed about that. Zack was so clearly content, so clearly unbothered by the knots that Cloud found it hard to care himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was strange, how much it helped. He wasn’t second guessing anymore—there was no need. Why be suspicious of his motives and plans when he could feel the truth of how he felt? He didn’t have to worry about potential disapproval and its consequences, when he could feel that Zack was simply happy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It made him wonder. Were the rest like this, too? Had he really been worrying so much about nothing? But he couldn’t be sure of that, not until he could feel it for himself. And Zack had said they </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span> wanted this, but he found that hard to believe. He’d found it hard to believe that </span>
  <em>
    <span>Zack </span>
  </em>
  <span>wanted this. Until anyone else asked for his bite, he would assume it was unwanted. But he still wondered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack purred for him, and Cloud relaxed almost dangerously against him. Only, it wasn’t dangerous at all. He had nothing he needed to hide, right now. Maybe Zack’s mood would change, and his strange good cheer would fade, but for now, things were safe. He’d be able to tell the second they weren’t. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So, Cloud did something he knew was explicitly out of bounds. He purred, and didn’t try to keep it low enough that Zack would question what he heard. He was loud in his contentment, his chest vibrating against Zack’s. Zack had gasped softly at the sound, and Cloud could feel second hand how his heart swelled at it, his own mimicking the feeling. It really was okay. He was allowed to show his own feelings—at least with Zack, at least for now. His hand made lazy fists in the fabric of Zack’s shirt, needing the soft feeling of it against his skin. He nuzzled his face into Zack’s skin. He needed the softness, needed to feel his feelings echoed in his surroundings. It felt very much like the impulse to nest, that need for softness. He didn’t know what it said, that Zack was bringing that out in him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack had held him closer, and they lay together, purring in time, for what felt like ages. Cloud knew he needed to go apologize to Genesis, no matter what Zack had said, but it was so hard to tear himself away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Zack,” he said, the word rippling with his purr. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack let out a deep sound of questioning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Genesis,” Cloud said, not wanting to explain more than that. He was enjoying finally purring too much to speak more than necessary. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack sighed, but nodded. He gathered Cloud up, letting himself finally slip out, and shifted him into one arm, where he held Cloud beneath the knees. He did his fly with his free hand before grabbing a sheet and wrapping it around Cloud. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good enough?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud sighed, and finally gave up on purring. Just because Zack had tolerated it, perhaps even enjoyed it strangely enough, did not mean the others would. He still had to behave—he couldn’t let this make him get lax about the rules. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nodded to Zack, pulling the sheet around his shoulders and holding it closed with one hand. He moved to get up, but Zack scooped him up fully and stood. Cloud huffed, but couldn’t bring himself to be irritated. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can walk.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You just bonded me, let me be a little clingy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud paused. He remembered aching for company after each bite. He remembered how it had only been Sephiroth who stayed. How even Zack had left, despite feeling his loneliness—to scold Angeal, it seemed, but it still meant he’d been absent. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wouldn’t do that to him. It had </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurt</span>
  </em>
  <span>, being left alone. He wouldn’t wish that on—well, nearly anyone; the worst could happen to Rufus and Cloud wouldn’t be moved. He certainly wouldn’t wish it on </span>
  <em>
    <span>Zack</span>
  </em>
  <span>, for many reasons. Selfishly, one of them was that he didn’t want to feel that second hand. Another was that he was still perfectly aware that orders were orders, and a bond-bite didn’t change that he needed to be obedient. This was what Zack wanted. Even if it wasn’t also what Cloud wanted—and it was—he would have indulged him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So Cloud settled against Zack’s chest, resting his cheek against it. He let him carry him out of the room and into the living room, where everyone was gathered around the television. Angeal and Sephiroth were sitting close on the couch, while Genesis huddled in an armchair by himself, looking prickly. Cloud immediately felt a spike of nerves, that he might be angry with Cloud, and shrank back against Zack’s chest. All eyes shot up to him in response to his mood, and he could see how Genesis softened. He felt Zack’s reassurance, his confidence that things would go fine. He decided to take some hope from that. He swallowed hard. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack carried him to sit next to Sephiroth, and Cloud carefully tucked his feet up so he wouldn’t be touching Sephiroth unintentionally. His uncertainty ratcheted up a degree, and Zack held him closer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before anyone could say anything, Cloud blurted, “I’m sorry, Genesis.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis blinked at him, clearly surprised. Cloud could feel Zack’s fond exasperation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whatever for?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I should have listened, and I shouldn’t have fought you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis sighed, and said, “Cloud, I don’t need you to be perfectly obedient.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I mean—if I had listened, you wouldn’t have done that, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis paused. He looked at Cloud closely. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I would not have. I swear, it was only because I was afraid for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because you could feel how I could, but you didn’t know what I was thinking?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis’s breath left him in a rush. He smiled gratefully. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yes</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud nodded, and said, “Then I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have forced your hand.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis’s smile turned sad, and he answered, “Cloud, I should apologize. I shouldn’t have forced you. I just—panicked.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud nodded readily. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I understand why. Thank you. For being concerned.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wasn’t that novel, in its own right?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack filled to the brim with hope. It was infectious, and Cloud felt himself dare to feel the same—just a little. He offered a small smile to Genesis, who smiled back at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You feel much better, now,” Sephiroth said, looking at Cloud. He put one hand on Cloud’s ankle, thumb rubbing the skin there soothingly. “May I ask why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud opened his mouth to explain, but hesitated. He glanced up at Zack, who held him closer, grinning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He bonded me,” Zack answered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth hummed in acknowledgement, as Angeal nodded and Genesis sighed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We agreed to </span>
  <em>
    <span>wait</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Genesis said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but it helped for him to know I can’t do what you did, anymore. And </span>
  <em>
    <span>none of us</span>
  </em>
  <span> are gonna do that again, </span>
  <em>
    <span>right?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” Genesis said breezily, the others nodding. “But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t soon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s happy, Gen, let it go,” Angeal said, leaning his cheek on his hand as he looked over at Cloud. Cloud offered him a shy smile in return. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would you be amenable to bonding the rest of us soon?” Sephiroth asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked. He gaped. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They couldn’t be serious. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the gap he left, Genesis said, “What happened to </span>
  <em>
    <span>not pushing him</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not,” Sephiroth argued. “I’m just asking.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… you really want that? All of you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth blinked back at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Cloud looked around at them, Genesis and Angeal nodded as well. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But how will you explain it?” he asked, looking around at them, and up at Zack. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Explain what?” Zack asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“People will see the new bite. They’ll guess where it came from. Does that not worry you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack shrugged and said, “Not really.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t a secret, Cloud,” Sephiroth added. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I should be,” Cloud said earnestly. “If people knew you treat me how you do—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Which is how?” Genesis asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Like—like I’m not what I am,” Cloud said, quietly, a little fearful to acknowledge it. It was only the surge of pride in Zack that gave him the confidence to continue. “No one will understand it. They’ll question you. This isn’t how things are done.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And if it was?” Zack asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If what was?” Cloud asked, his brow furrowing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How things are done. The Turks have a Safeguard, Cloud, and she doesn’t live in the Tower. She doesn’t even wear a collar. This is our secret, mind you, but it’s true.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud narrowed his eyes in suspicion, but he could feel that Zack believed what he was saying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How do you know that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I met her.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Why</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because she’s been in your shoes, and had some advice.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud shook his head and said, “Then she’s a secret—for good reason. I doubt she’s bonded the Turks. This is—insane. I don’t recommend we continue with this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you regret bonding me, Cloud?” Zack asked, his voice soft. He could feel a hint of worry, of nervous fear. Cloud softened in return. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>No, </span>
  </em>
  <span>I just—it isn't in your best interest. Everyone knows you’re—well, softhearted. You can get away with bonding with your poor little Safeguard. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sephiroth</span>
  </em>
  <span> cannot.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I couldn’t care less what people think of my personal life,” Sephiroth said blithely. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s hands formed frustrated fists in the fabric of the sheet he wore. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should. You’ll lose people’s respect.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have no use for their respect—they’ll listen to me regardless.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t—“ Cloud let out a soft sound of frustration. “You aren't </span>
  <em>
    <span>listening</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll listen, Cloud,” Angeal said, his tone gentle. “Explain it to us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud paused. He focused on Zack’s confidence, clouded as it was by his confusion. His hope. He really believed it would be okay. Cloud would have to take heart from that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Safeguards are not people. We’re not even animals, to most people—just objects. Toys,” he said quietly. “To bond me is sensible. You put your mark on me, to claim me as </span>
  <em>
    <span>your</span>
  </em>
  <span> toy, and no one else’s. But to acknowledge an object as your equal—you lower yourself. People will think Zack did so out of pity. Angeal, maybe people will excuse, because Zack did so first. But Genesis, Sephiroth—no one will believe you didn’t know what you were doing. You can’t put yourself on even ground with me—Genesis especially. People ask enough questions of an omega First. This is a bad idea.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a long, long speech for Cloud. As he finished, he wrapped himself tighter in the sheet and leaned closer to Zack for support. He couldn’t help the instinctive fear that he’d be punished for daring to lecture. It helped, how Zack held him tight, how he felt his surge of pride for so many words, how he kissed his hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You neglect to consider that neither Sephiroth or I give a damn what anyone thinks of us,” Genesis said, but he did so gently. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s brow drew together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But no one will </span>
  <em>
    <span>respect</span>
  </em>
  <span> you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So?” Genesis asked. “Darling, I have been dismissed from day one. If they decide not to respect me, I will show them how foolish they are. The difference is that now I have the rank to force them to do what I need from them. If they want to ignore me, and ignore a command from their superior officer, they will be court marshalled, and it will no longer be my problem.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked. It did solve the practical problem. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cloud,” Sephiroth said gently. “When you have no power over yourself, and no one’s respect, that loss means a great deal. When you have power over yourself and most people who surround you, their respect means very little.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud shut his mouth. He looked down. Zack held him tighter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We plan on giving as much of that back to you as we can,” Zack said. “Power over yourself—and over us, if you want it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked up at him sharply. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>What?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack grinned at him. He could feel his eager, proud confidence in counterpoint to his own nervous hesitance. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We care about you, and we trust you. You’re not gonna use anything against us, and we know that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud knew that, but he didn’t know how they did. Many Safeguards would be quick to turn on the hand that fed them. That hand tended to strike as well, and they all knew it. Cloud had no interest in hurting people who were as kind to him, who were as tied to him as they were—but even before that, he wouldn’t have dared strike back. He didn’t doubt that, if Vincent had the means and knew he could get away with it, that he’d kill Hojo, who had bonded him but left him in the Department. It said something about their treatment of Cloud that, even if he had the chance and wouldn’t be caught, he wouldn’t take the opportunity. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still. He wondered if he was that transparent to them, or if they just had that little understanding of Safeguards. Perhaps both. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t,” Cloud agreed, needing to reinforce that truth, in case any of them were doubtful. “Even if I could, I wouldn’t want to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis and Sephiroth softened as Angeal smiled and Zack kissed his hair, his chest full of Zack’s warmth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll prove we’re worth that,” Angeal said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Once you bond us all, you’ll feel our intentions, and know you can trust us,” Sephiroth said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud leaned against Zack and nodded. He wanted to make promises, that he already trusted them—because he was starting to. Until he did fully, though, he wouldn’t say what he didn’t mean. His hands twisted the sheet in his lap. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I still think this is a bad idea,” he whispered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let us deal with any potential fallout,” Sephiroth said, squeezing Cloud’s ankle lightly. “You have enough to worry about.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud wanted to argue. He had significantly less to worry about than he usually did, after all. But that was a worry, in itself. Adjusting to the relative absurdity of this place and these people, with their safety and their caring and their grand, grand promises. It was hard enough acknowledging that even </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> a worry—it seemed so paltry in comparison to what he was accustomed to. But clearly, by the emotional rollercoaster he’d been on, it was enough of a toll in and of itself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So he chewed at his lip and nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack slipped his hand around his waist and held him tight. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How about we do something easy?” Zack asked. “When’s the last time you watched TV?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud licked his lips, glancing over at the screen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Never,” he admitted quietly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth hummed, as Zack gaped, and Genesis and Angeal looked openly curious. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not even once?” Genesis asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve… caught glimpses when I wasn’t supposed to,” Cloud admitted nervously. “The Department doesn’t allow it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And before then?” Genesis pressed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… we didn’t have a television.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who was ‘we?’” Angeal asked softly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked down at his lap, then. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We aren’t supposed to talk about life before the Department.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to, if you don’t want to,” Angeal promised. “But you can, if you’d like.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud hesitated. He hadn’t talked about his mother since he left Nibelheim, not really. In rare bursts, where he spat about her in rage to the people who had taken him away, which he was always punished for. But not sincerely. Not in any way that mattered. There was no one who had wanted to listen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My mother and I,” Cloud said, softly, realizing his silence on the subject was eating at him like moths through a curtain. And if they were safe enough, if Zack was safe enough to bond, they were safe enough to listen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” Zack whispered. Cloud could feel his concern radiating in his own chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We tried,” Cloud said. “We tried, but we were poor. I left school young—before I learned to read. I had to help my mother. We lived mostly off the land, and what little my mother could earn. But the winters are hard, there. There came a point where the options ran out. She thought that, if I was with Shinra, at least they’d feed me, and I wouldn’t freeze. Better this than death.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That thought had been the only thing that kept him from giving up, some days. That he didn’t want to make it all in vain. That, if his mother had no choice but to sacrifice him, at least he could honor her doing her best by him. However bad it might be. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack held him close, and Cloud realized with no small horror that his eyes were full of standing tears. He blinked rapidly, dashing away what ran down his cheeks. He sniffled. He could feel Zack’s heart break for him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for telling us,” Angeal said. Cloud stared at his lap and nodded. “Have you ever heard from her?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud laughed humorlessly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How? Safeguards can’t take PHS calls.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you can’t read letters,” Angeal muttered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Even if I could, I doubt they’d have been given to me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Does she have a PHS?” Sephiroth asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud shook his head and said, “No one there does. There’s one for the whole town.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you know the number?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud looked up at him, his brow furrowing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would you like to call?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s jaw dropped. He stared at Sephiroth, confused and shocked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’d—you’d let me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth nodded easily, pulling his PHS out from his pocket. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tell me the number. I’ll dial and ask for her—they’ll hurry to find her, if it’s me. Then I’ll pass you the PHS.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud stared at him. He muttered the number, still numb with disbelief. Yet, somehow, he watched Sephiroth press numbers as he said them and hold the device to his ear easily. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello. With whom am I speaking? Hello, Mayor Lockhart, this is Sephiroth of the Shinra Company. I would like to speak with the mother of a boy named Cloud. It’s urgent. Yes, I’ll hold.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud wrung the blanket between his hands, his heart in his throat, his pulse in his ears. He couldn’t believe this was happening. Was it some sort of prank? But how would Sephiroth know the mayor’s name? He</span>
</p><p>
  <span>hadn’t even said what town he was from, he couldn’t have guessed. It had to be real. Oh gods, it was real. What was he going to </span>
  <em>
    <span>say</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello? Claudia, it’s nice to meet you.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Claudia</span>
  </em>
  <span>, gods, it really was her! “I have your son here with me. Yes, he’s quite alright. He’d like to speak to you. Yes, of course. One moment.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth held the PHS out, and Cloud </span>
  <em>
    <span>stared</span>
  </em>
  <span> at it, as if it were a viper. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can take the call in your room, if you’d rather,” Sephiroth said, still holding the PHS out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud reached out with hesitant, trembling hands and took the PHS. He held it up to his ear with one hand and held his sheet closed with the other as he stood, walking away with his knees knocking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mama?” he whispered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Stormcloud,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> she said in Old Nibel, the language they had spoken at home. He hadn’t heard it since, no one had </span>
  <em>
    <span>called him that</span>
  </em>
  <span> since. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Stormcloud, it’s really you?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s breath hitched as he pulled it in sharp. He entered his room and shut the door behind him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>It’s me, Mama,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” he answered in the same language. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Gods, baby, what’s happened? I haven’t heard a thing, I didn’t know if you were safe, or alive, or—“</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m safe now, Mama</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” and it was so much easier to say that to her, than it was to himself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I wasn’t always, but I am now.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Not always? Good gods, baby, what did I send you into?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s okay, Mama. I ate. I was warm. I’m here now.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“But were you </span>
  </em>
  <span>safe?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s breath hitched again. He huffed out a shivering laugh, and realized he was crying again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“No, Ma, not even a little bit.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh sweetheart, what did they do to you?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Too much. You don’t want to know it, and I don’t want to say it. We could both be in a lot of trouble, if anyone knows you know.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“But Stormcloud—“</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“No,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he insisted. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“No, I didn’t do all of it just to throw it away. We ate. We were warm. That’s what matters. You </span>
  </em>
  <span>are</span>
  <em>
    <span> okay, right?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Baby, I’m fine. I’ve been fine this whole time. You’ve been my worry since you walked out of my sight.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud sighed heavily, leaning against the wall. He bowed his head and nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Good. If I was your biggest worry, things couldn’t have been too bad.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You know how far I can stretch a gil.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud laughed, and it felt like an age-old knot coming loose in his chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I do. I’m glad you’re okay, Mama.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You said you’re safe now, at least?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I… I think so. Yeah.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“With </span>
  </em>
  <span>Sephiroth?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud laughed, rubbing the tears from his cheeks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I didn’t expect it either. But he’s kind. Him and his pack, they’re all—very, very kind.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You trust them?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I think I’m starting to.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s those Firsts?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah. They’re not how I expected—in a good way. Ma, I… I care about them. That scares me.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Caring about anyone is scary, Stormcloud. But, sometimes, it’s worth it. They end up worth your whole world. You’re that, to me.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud sniffled and laughed, as if it were a joke. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ma, please.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Stormcloud, I tried to sell myself first. They wouldn’t take me—wouldn’t say why. I think I was too old. They only wanted you, and I—I just wanted you alive, baby.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s heart seized. He’d never known. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He’d never known. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He had assumed, all these years, that it was just easier, but she’d—she had tried. She would have given herself up for him. She really did her best to help. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I love you, Mama.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I love you too, Stormcloud. To the end of time.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“To the end of time,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he whispered back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Listen to me, baby, before we run out of minutes here. If these Firsts matter to you, if they fill your heart, let them be your hearth. Something has to keep you warm in the cold up there. There is no home without a hearth—remember that.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was an old Nibel saying, that there was no home without a hearth. Four walls and a roof were not enough to keep someone alive in the winters there. The hearth was a necessity. The hearth was where family gathered—it represented the family. The hearth brought warmth to your life; it was what you lived for, in the end. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud was terrified to realize that they had become his hearth, without him even realizing it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh, no,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he whispered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Claudia chuckled on the other line. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Have they been warming your bones longer than you knew?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Ma, they can’t—they can’t be my hearth.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Why not? You said they were safe.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Because we’re not the </span>
  </em>
  <span>same.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“We don’t choose our hearths, Stormcloud. Sometimes it’s ‘any shelter in a storm.’ And then they shelter us for longer than we expect, and you realize they became your hearth before you knew what was happening.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“But Ma—“</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Don’t ‘but Ma’ me. You didn’t call me after all these years to argue, did you?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I didn’t call for a lecture, either</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Cloud grumbled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Claudia laughed brightly and said, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>There’s my boy.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud felt ice wash through him. Because that sounded dangerously close to who he was before reconditioning. Nevermind that his mother was safe, and clearly appreciated it. What if that attitude stuck around after this call?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But wasn’t that what the pack wanted?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud rubbed his brow, feeling a headache coming on. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Ma, I’ll let you go before the line cuts out.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Don’t avoid me because I’m right.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m not,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Cloud said, laughing in spite of himself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“You’ve just given me a lot to think about.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Go sit fireside, then.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed. He did not need her telling him to go be with his hearth, thank you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’ll try to call again.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You better. Be well, Stormcloud.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You too, Ma. Bye.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud pulled the device from his ear, and looked down. He realized he had no idea how to turn it off, so he just held it gently as he paused, taking a breath. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was in so much deeper than he thought. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was time to think about that later. For now, he had to go give the PHS back. He sniffed, drying his face on the sheet. He then went back outside to find that they were all watching TV, fully giving him his privacy. That meant very much to him—he had expected them to eavesdrop, despite any language barriers. He wasn’t used to being afforded privacy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe he should start expecting these little acts of kindness. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe they were a safe hearth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My lap’s cold,” Zack called, looking up at him with a pout. Cloud could feel his good cheer, his hope, and his faint worry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud shuffled over, holding the PHS out to Sephiroth, who took it and pocketed it as Zack dragged him back into his lap. This time, Sephiroth encouraged him to drape his legs over his lap. He felt like a burden, and very much in the way, like this. But whatever they wanted was what he would do. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How’s your mom?” Zack asked, as Angeal muted the television. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’s well,” Cloud said, fiddling with the edge of his sheet. He pointedly did not mention that she still had a knack for dropping unwanted truths. “Thank you, for that. It means a lot to me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ask any time you want to talk to her,” Sephiroth said. “We can all call for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud shook his head and said, “The line there is communal, and doesn’t have many minutes. I couldn’t call very often, even if I wanted to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We ought to just buy her a PHS,” Genesis said, tapping his foot in the air. “It would make everything much easier.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s eyes widened. That was a lot of gil to spend on him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That isn’t necessary.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps not, but I think we’d like to,” Genesis said, and as he glanced around at everyone, their heads all nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You oughta be able to talk to your mom when you want!” Zack said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ve been separated long enough,” Angeal added. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud wrung the sheet in his hands and chewed his lip, trying to fight how his heart swelled and failing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe it really would be safe, to have them as his hearth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you watching?” Cloud asked in a small voice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zack launched into an explanation, running through the plot and the characters, pointing things out on screen as it was unmuted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud did his level best to focus on the TV, and with some time, was sucked right in. It was easy, when it was such a marvel to him. The colored pictures moving, the voices coming through—it was all new. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was also much easier to think about than any revelations his mother had dropped. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cw for verse-typical sexual violence. I’d technically call this extreme dubcon, but it’s noncon adjacent, so please be mindful! if you’d<br/>rather skip that scene, stop reading when Cloud gets to the Department. I’ll include a brief summary at the end so you get the gist of what happened!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The plan was simple. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud’s chip had been reprogrammed before Sephiroth even hung up on the call requesting it. He was allowed the whole Tower now—they had all agreed it would be an easier selling point than jumping to all of Midgar. Besides, Cloud didn’t feel like he was ready for that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So, with his chip reprogrammed, it was easy. Vincent would come up to the den to visit, so they could speak privately, and then Cloud would walk him back down to the Department, so he could stretch his legs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was so simple. Cloud felt almost confident, for once. There were a limited number of variables. Only slight things could go wrong. He was only going places he was familiar with, with people he knew. He was relaxed when the day came. Excited, even. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud was sitting with Angeal when the doorbell rang. He had been trying to get more accustomed to not just staying in his room. He was allowed the whole apartment, and if he was truly going to trust these people, he needed to take some liberties. To prove to himself that he wouldn’t be punished for them. So when Angeal asked if he wanted to join him watching a movie that morning, Cloud had agreed. His endless fascination with the television helped relax him. He couldn’t focus on how the pack might react when he was distracted by the lights and sounds. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon enough, there was a knock on the door. Cloud jumped and whipped his head around, but Angeal just calmly paused the movie. He used his arm around Cloud’s shoulders to gently pull him to standing before leading him over to the door. It was only there that he dropped his arm. Cloud adjusted the short, powder blue dress he was wearing and pulled his hair over his one shoulder to drape down his front. He nodded at Angeal, who nodded back, before opening the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vincent stood on the other side of the door, his hands clasped in front of himself. Angeal took a closer look at him this time, with the new context of him as Cloud’s friend, with Angeal being much closer to Cloud than he had been. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vincent, at first glance, looked very omega. He had long hair, neatly kept in a ponytail behind his head, and a lean frame. But combat experience told Angeal he was simply built for speed. He could tell from his scent that he was an alpha despite any appearances. Besides, he knew the Safeguard Department better now, and understood that no omega Safeguard would be in pants to walk around the Tower, no matter how tight. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alpha or not, Vincent was still every inch a Safeguard. He bowed to Angeal respectfully and waited outside until Angeal stepped back and gestured him in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ve got this, Cloud?” Angeal asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think so.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I’ll put on something else so we can finish the movie together.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal went back to the couch, unperturbed by the way Vincent had looked at him sharply for the words. Vincent then looked just as sharply at Cloud, because he was perfectly aware that Safeguards were not allowed to watch television. Cloud smiled a little, something that used to be so rare, and then nodded into the den. He led the way, Vincent trailing at his heels as they wound deeper into the den. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud took them to his favorite room, knowing Vincent would appreciate it as much as he did. Vincent’s eyes widened at the window, despite having access to them more readily with his freedom to move about the Tower. He looked intently outside, and at the plants. Cloud went and sat primly on the couch by the sill. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There are no bugs here,” Cloud informed Vincent. “Everyone is out but Angeal, who is watching a movie on the other side of the den. We can talk freely here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vincent’s eyes darted around the room, clearly listening for bugs. They always gave off a faint whine, and Vincent was certainly enhanced enough to hear it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually, he said, “You saw them leave?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How do we know Angeal won’t eavesdrop?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He bonded me—I know where he is. If he gets close, I’ll tell you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vincent paused, considering. Then he went and sat gingerly on the couch. He looked Cloud up and down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You look different.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud blinked. He offered a small smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I feel different.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They seem… lenient, here. The window. The television.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They weren’t always. They’ve come around.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What changed? Can you trust it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… think so. It was Genesis. He was upset about me coming here. He came around, and brought the rest with him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can you trust they won’t change again?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Zack asked me to bond him back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vincent blinked. He looked at Cloud with raised eyebrows. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I did. He wanted it. He said he was sure.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s foolish of him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know. He can get away with it, make excuses. The others say they want the same, though.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sephiroth and Genesis will have no excuses to make. That would be very unwise.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I told them that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And they said?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud paused. He looked down at his hands. He smoothed his skirt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They said they don’t care. They seem much more concerned about what happens inside the pack than out of it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vincent’s brow furrowed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What does it matter, what happens inside the pack? That has nothing to do with you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud smiled softly. It was strange, now, to hear his own thoughts echoed back to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They say I’m a part of it. Angeal called me his mate.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud had to fight the urge to puff up in pride, which he knew was foolish. Especially with how he expected the soft, sad look on Vincent’s face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cloud, you know you can’t trust that. You aren’t his mate.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud smiled again, tilting his head as he shrugged. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I told him that. He insisted.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He can insist all he likes. That won’t make you equals.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not outside the den, maybe. But inside it—why not? If they want that, why not?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vincent looked at him sadly. With pity. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cloud. You know better than that. They don’t want that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud shook his head and said, “That’s what I thought, but Vincent, I can feel Zack now. He means what he says. He’s so hopeful about this turning out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He can hope for what he wants. That doesn’t take the collar from your neck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They’re going to remove it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... They </span>
  <em>
    <span>what?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud smiled a little, hands making fists in his skirt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They’re going to take it off. They just need to talk Shinra around.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vincent paused. He sighed. He reached over and carefully took one of Cloud’s hands in both of his. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cloud,” he said. “I know how sorely you’re aching for hope. We all are. We have been for a long time. But this is fairytale-talk. Fantasy. They’re never going to make you their equal. They’re never going to take off your collar.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud sucked in a deep breath. He had known this was coming. The reality check. Because life here, these days, did feel like a fairytale. But he still had hope that it might be real. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then why did Zack bond me? Why did they reprogram my chip to let me out around the Tower?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vincent paused, holding Cloud’s hand tighter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I don’t pretend to know. Maybe to fool you. Maybe to ease their consciences about what they won’t give you. All I know is that this isn’t how Safeguards are treated. This isn’t the way of things.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vincent, they let me talk to my </span>
  <em>
    <span>mother. </span>
  </em>
  <span>They’re going to buy her a PHS so we can talk anytime.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vincent shook his head sadly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know why they’re making these promises, or giving you these kindnesses. I only know that the other shoe </span>
  <em>
    <span>will</span>
  </em>
  <span> drop. And it will only be harder to bear with your hopes high.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud paused. He swallowed. He looked down at their hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe,” he said slowly. “Maybe you’re right. But Vincent, I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>tired</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Maybe it’s foolish to walk into whatever they might spring blind and hopeful, but I’d rather do that. I’d rather the shoe drop when I finally stop expecting it, then live forever in fear of something that isn’t coming.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cloud, I don’t think that’s wise. It could destroy you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m long overdue to be destroyed. It would be about time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vincent huffed a laugh and Cloud smiled. He missed Safeguard gallows-humor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As you’d like, then. Tell me all about it—your knights in shining armor. And I’ll tell you what you’ve missed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So Cloud did. He explained the details of what life had been like here, start to finish, and Vincent caught him up on what had been happening in the Safeguard Department. It was nothing particularly surprising, all standard fare—broken bones and trips to Medical and failed IUDs resulting in pregnancies. Still, it was nice to know what Vincent had been dealing with. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It felt like no time at all had passed before the sun had set, even though Cloud had been keeping an eye on it. Still, the other members of the pack were due home soon, and Cloud had to get Vincent back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Angeal said goodbye to them, waving lazily and dismissing Vincent when Cloud politely reminded him to. Angeal reminded Cloud that he’d be here waiting for him when he got home, and to have a nice walk. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud showed Vincent out of the den, but had to dare himself to take the final step. Some part of him still expected to drop to the ground, paralyzed by the chip, as soon as he did. Maybe that was Vincent’s reality check in his ear, though, because he left the den just fine. He took a deep breath then, and smiled at Vincent, who was watching him closely. Vincent nodded at him and began leading the way back to the Department. Not because Cloud didn’t know how to get there, but because, between Safeguards, alphas always had rank. After so long in the Department’s tender care, it was natural to fall in step behind Vincent. They were in public, after all. Maybe the floor was empty, but there were still cameras, and who knew who might be watching?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The walk down to the Department was unremarkable, but nice. </span>
  <em>
    <span>So </span>
  </em>
  <span>nice. It wasn’t quite like being outside, but it almost was. Cloud had been confined to the apartment for so long, and the Department before that. Last time he walked the halls it was to get up to the den, and he had been filled with dread. This was infinitely more pleasant. He felt lighter, almost buoyant. It was like the first time he found the room with the window. It tastes sweet, like freedom on his tongue. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even coming back to the Department was nice, in a way. A familiar space, with familiar faces, that he was no longer bound to. He greeted those Safeguards both friendly and less as he passed through the Department, walking Vincent back to his room. As always, they said goodbye without words. A simple nod of the head, and Vincent was closing the door, no doubt to get ready for a few last appointments before things slowed for the night. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud turned to leave, but barely got halfway down the hall before some SOLDIER Third angled his way. Cloud paused, uncertain of what was happening. He was easy to recognize. Surely people knew who he belonged to? It was far from uncommon for a Safeguard to be put to work in a hallway in the Department, but he didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>work </span>
  </em>
  <span>here, anymore. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, when the SOLDIER got close, Cloud responded on instinct. He backed away, until his back hit the wall. The SOLDIER crowded in close. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Cloud had to try. He didn’t know what the pack would think, if someone else used him. Surely they would hold him responsible. Surely they’d be infuriated with him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I belong to the Firsts,” Cloud said, as the SOLDIER leaned down to breathe in what wafted from his scent gland. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know. That little Shinra omega, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not a part of the Department anymore.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The SOLDIER hooked a finger through the ring on his collar and tugged, forcing Cloud to lean forward. He swallowed hard. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This says otherwise.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before Cloud could try again to get his point across, the SOLDIER was spinning him by the shoulders, shoving him face-first into the wall. Cloud caught himself with his hands, but was pressed tight enough to the wall by the body behind him, his cheek against the wall. He felt rough hands tilt his hips to pop his ass out and flip his skirt up over it. His panties were yanked down. Cloud swallowed hard and shut his eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then he just let everything go. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was how things were, after all. This was the way of things. Vincent had tried to convince him, tried to remind him, and he hadn’t listened. He’d been cocky. Arrogant. He’d been </span>
  <em>
    <span>so sure </span>
  </em>
  <span>that nothing would go wrong. Foolish of him. Things always went wrong. Shoes always dropped. And maybe this wasn’t the pack turning against him, but it wasn’t great either. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once, this had been so routine. Endless days full of nothing but this. He’d used to lube his pussy at every given opportunity, just in case this happened. In case he was shoved against a wall and taken by some SOLDIER, who shoved his cock in with no care about Cloud’s needs or comfort. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now, though, he wasn’t lubed, and it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> pleasant. He couldn’t help but remember his last time with Zack. How he had been so desperate for it, how he’d been full to bursting with joy, how needy he’d been for closeness. This wasn’t that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was reality settling like an uncomfortable shroud around his shoulders. This was what he’d been deluding himself about. This had always been possible, the second he stepped out of the safety of pack territory. The pack could keep him safe—their names could not. Not while he still wore the collar. Certainly not while he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>in the Department. </span>
  </em>
  <span>This had been so foolish. Blindingly arrogant. Brazen. Who did he think he was? That he could waltz in here, wearing his collar, and this wouldn’t happen? He knew better. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He had just deluded himself into thinking that just because the pack wouldn’t do this to him, no one else would anymore. Stupid. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Stupid. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t fight. He didn’t flail about or struggle. He did what any Safeguard would do. He spread his legs wider and sighed, relaxing against the wall to wait it out. Each thrust pressed him harder to the wall. He wondered if his cheek would be bruised from bouncing off the drywall. Then a hand was in his hair, rumpling it, pressing him harder to the wall. Well, at least there wasn’t an impact this way. He heard the grunting pick up. Maybe this alpha was almost done with him. He hoped he didn’t knot him. He didn’t want to spend that long down here. There would be questions already, with how long he was taking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Foolish of him to hope. The alpha grabbed him by the hips and yanked him back onto his knot with a curse. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, take my pups.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud fought the urge to sigh. He wasn’t going to get pregnant, and they both knew it. Still, he could feel the hot rush of cum inside him as the SOLDIER ground his knot in and out as far as it would go, tugging the edge of Cloud’s hole until it hurt before pressing back in. He grabbed Cloud by the back of the head and pressed his face to the wall again. Cloud let him, exasperated but resigned. He stood there, shifting from foot to foot, waiting for the SOLDIER’s knot to go down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Except the alpha ripped it free, when he was bored. Cloud hissed sharply from between his teeth, knowing something tore. The SOLDIER slapped his ass, pulled his panties back up, flipped his skirt down, and then walked deeper into the Department, where he likely had a proper Safeguard appointment waiting. Cloud was just a warm up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud sighed, adjusting his clothes and fixing his hair. His panties were going to be full of cum and blood. He’d have to go to his room to change. Maybe shower. Hopefully he’d get there before the others caught the scent of the SOLDIER on him, before they realized what had taken him so long. He didn’t want to know how angry they were going to be at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hurried back up to the floor, going as fast as he reasonably could. He was not stopped a second time, Though he could feel that his panties were </span>
  <em>
    <span>soaked. Something </span>
  </em>
  <span>was leaking down his thighs, smearing between them, and he could only tug his skirt further down and pray no one noticed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He got up to the den fine and knocked quickly on the door. Sephiroth opened it, and Cloud quickly ducked under his arm inside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How was—“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud moved to hurry to his room without a word, but Sephiroth caught his arm. Cloud glanced back at him, his panic thinly veiled. Not veiled at all, really, considering Sephiroth could feel it. He didn’t dare pull his arm away to run, but—Sephiroth had a furrowed brow, opened his mouth to say something—then paused. He sniffed at the air. He leaned closer and sniffed at Cloud, who shrank back, but still didn’t dare pull his arm away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” Sephiroth asked, his face dark and tone stormy. The television, which had been playing in the background, went mute. He could feel the other three, now, on the couch, presumably watching. He could feel Zack’s concern and confusion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing happened. I just need to go.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can smell it on you. What happened?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed as Zack asked, “Smell what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Blood and semen,” Sephiroth answered. “So I ask again. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What happened</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The room fell deathly silent. Cloud’s pulse raced beneath his skin. They all knew what happened. They had to. Why did he have to say it?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he was asked a question, so he had to answer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A SOLDIER stopped me in the Department.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a sound of outrage from Genesis and Zack. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And people just let that happen?” Zack asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s normal, there,” Cloud explained. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What was the </span>
  <em>
    <span>point </span>
  </em>
  <span>of our </span>
  <em>
    <span>contract</span>
  </em>
  <span> if this can still happen?” Genesis snapped. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed nervously. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There are other bonded Safeguards. Frequent customers would think nothing of it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis jumped to his feet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to talk to Rufus,” he declared. “This cannot stand.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” Cloud breathed. He rushed over to grab Genesis’s wrist as he made to pass him, nearly pulling himself free from Sephiroth in the process, but not quite. “No, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whyever not?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because he’ll think I complained, or protested. I didn’t. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t. </span>
  </em>
  <span>I’m not ungrateful.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis looked down at him sharply. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>should </span>
  </em>
  <span>be ungrateful! I do not believe for a second that you wanted that!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What I want doesn’t matter! I don’t get to say no, Genesis. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Please</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Things will be bad if he thinks I did. Even if he just thinks I complained, things will be </span>
  <em>
    <span>bad.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are under our protection now, Cloud,” Sephiroth said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That won’t stop Rufus. I’ll just disappear to somewhere far away where you’ll never find me again. So </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It was just one SOLDIER. Just one time. It doesn’t matter. I don’t mind. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Please</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis paused. He raised a hand, stroking his knuckles over Cloud’s sore, faintly flushed cheek. Cloud stared up at him desperately, praying he understood. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” Genesis said softly. “Because you have been through too much. Not because I approve of what happened.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Thank you</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Cloud said, his breath leaving him in a rush. “Thank you so much. I’m so grateful.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genesis’s eyes turned sad. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you go shower? You’ll feel better, after.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cloud swallowed. He nodded, releasing Genesis’s wrist as Sephiroth released his own. He straightened his skirt and, chewing on his lip all the while, went back to his room to shower. He sat there, on the shower floor, letting the water run over him, for a very, very long time. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Vincent comes to visit Cloud. They talk about what their respective lives have been like since Cloud left the Department. Vincent warns Cloud that things will inevitably go wrong with the Firsts. Cloud walks Vincent down to the Department to stretch his legs as his chips has been reprogrammed. On his way out, a SOLDIER takes advantage of his trained inability to say no. Cloud fears the Firsts will be angry, but they are more angry that this was allowed than angry with him. Genesis tries to go talk to Rufus about it, but Cloud stops him out of fear. Cloud goes to shower.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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